Finally a doctor!

So after 6 LOOONGGGG years and all the hard work + money + time, I'm finally a doctor! Woohoo! Can't believe it has finally happened! What I set out to achieve in 2008 has finally come true. Feel so giddy and surreal now thinking that I'm actually officially a legit doctor. Time really flew by all these years. 

Still slowly accepting the fact that I am now going to be responsible for treating people and taking care of them. Hope I don't disappoint! Anyways, it's been a while since I updated, what with the whirlwind of events like graduation and being back home for holidays and stuff so here are a couple of pictures to update whoever still reads my blog! Teehee! :D

Praise the Lord I graduated! Couldn't have done it without His grace and all the prayers from friends and family. Grateful and blessed.

xoxo, elvyna.

Future unknown :(

So yesterday was the day that all final year medical students in the UK who are graduating in June-July 2013 found out which deaneries we got placed in for our 2 year job stint after graduating. Deaneries are sort of like "areas" around England, Scotland and Ireland. They allocate our deaneries to us based on our score (50% from academic achievements and 50% from a national test everyone took in January).

Well, I got my first choice (praise God) which is the Wessex deanery down South of England but none of my other friends got it. All of us put that as our first choice but somehow this year it was oversubscribed and the mark requirement was higher than previous years. I really am grateful, don't get me wrong that I managed to achieve that minimal mark requirement but I do feel upset as well since it's going to be pretty hard starting a job with no friends around :(

Even the boyfriend got Scotland for his job application. That's 500miles away from where I will be. And it's going to be a 2 year job post. Sigh. How now brown cow?

Bittersweet feeling, not really sure how to feel since I found out. Just praying and knowing that God has His plans for me, even when I don't know it yet.

xoxo, elvyna.

First snow.

So today it snowed for the first time in Southampton in about.. 2 years? Was a pretty sight, at least from where I was standing in the warmth of my own room with the heater turned on. Decided to go to the backyard with some friends and attempt to make a snowman. Thus the pic above.

Snow can be very calming. Being alone with snowflakes falling all around me blanketing everything in sight in white was beautiful. In fact, I don't even know how to describe how I felt without feeling like I did justice to it. It's just awesome.

What's not so awesome is the fact that in a few days time, maybe even tomorrow, the snow is gonna melt and turn icy and slippery and people are going to fall over and injure themselves. I might even fall over. Let's hope that doesn't happen.

Oh well. For now, I'll forget the worries of the world, make a cuppa hot tea and sit by the window to watch the snow fall and drown everything in sight with all its glory and be in awe of His creation.

xoxo, elvyna.

Sun shine on down, ease our troubles now.

Sometimes.

A new year can mean a new beginning. If you let it be. If I let it be.

"You're not prepared to fly unless you're prepared to crash." True. Therefore this year, it's time I let go and learn to fly. Because it hurts to crash, but it hurts even more to not try.

Got to stop hoping life would be better, because it already is. Just be thankful for every day that I get to wake up - healthy, alive, breathing. To thank God for every new day, every trial, every hardship, because in the end, I will overcome it, with Him.

xoxo, elvyna.

The more I seek You, the more I find You.

I want to sit at Your feet,
Drink from the cup in Your hand,
Lay back against You and breathe,
Feel Your heartbeat.

This love is so deep,
Its more than I can stand,
I melt in Your peace, 
It's overwhelming.

Psalm 9:10 Those who know Your name will trust in You, for You, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek You.

xoxo, elvyna.

A Day to Remember.

It has been such a long day that I don't even know how to begin writing about it. I just know I have to let it out somehow though. If I had to use one word to describe my day today, it would be this: overwhelming.

Started the day in the Obs & Gynae Labour ward seeing a patient I saw last week in Antenatal clinic. She was opting for a natural vaginal delivery but after a couple of hours, she still wasn't in full labour yet so they had to bring her to theatre for a Caesarian section. It wasn't going to be a complicated delivery and I was allowed to scrub in to assist the surgeon. During the surgery though, the surgeon couldn't get the baby out of the uterus as the mother had pushed earlier and lodged the baby's head in the pelvis. After sending out a neonatal emergency bleep to everyone in the hospital, the theatre started crowding up with Paediatric Consultants, Registrars, SHOs and midwives. After a couple of minutes and pushing and tugging (trust me, this wasn't a pleasant sight at all), the baby finally dislodged and came out but it was pale and floppy and had no heart beat.

At this point I noticed there was a pool of blood dripping from the theatre table through my Crocs and onto the floor. It wasn't like anything I've seen before. I could hear everyone just talking above everyone else. People shouting things like," The baby needs adrenaline injection stat!" or " The baby needs CPR!". It was a seriously scary experience. All the while the mother was awake and aware of what was happening and began to sob uncontrollably. To make the story short, the baby was still not in good shape when the surgeon and I visited it after the operation. I hope and pray that the baby and the parents would be fine.

Then after that, I went back to the wards and stayed with a lady who had a natural vaginal delivery. It was the first time I ever saw a natural birth and I must say, my eyes were welling up with tears and I was trying so hard not to be too emotional throughout. There's really nothing like seeing a baby being born into this world. And the emotions that the parents convey when they look at the baby's face for the first time ever. No words can describe that.

In between all that that was happening today, I had to do my first mini-CEX in Final Year. We have to do 3 mini-CEXs in each placement as part of our assessment in Final Year. This is when a Consultant or Registrar chooses a patient for you and you take a full history and examine the patient whilst the examiner is watching. Also, you've to come up with investigations and management (i.e. treatment of what you think the patient's diagnosis is). It's much more nerve-wrecking than it seems. It went much better than I thought it would though. The consultant was well pleased with what I did and gave me pretty good marks. Good start I would say.

Came home around 8pm after having not eaten anything the whole day (since 7am) because I was so busy that I didn't feel hungry. A friend came over and had a chat and boy, she told a story I would never ever forget. A story about her faith, how she found Jesus, how He changed her life and I was so inspired. It wasn't what I was expecting when she came over but it just happened. Goes to show that when He works, we just cannot comprehend the amazingness that is Him. So blessed. So inspired. So touched. So happy for her that she found Him, that she feels Him, that He is with her. I love hearing testimonies like these, it warms my heart.

All in all, it was such a long and tiring, but exciting day. Overwhelming day. I had to write it out and express it somewhere. This has been such a long post, but it has been a post from the heart. I don't ever want to lose this - to be able to feel things like what I felt today. I hope I don't lose it over time in the future.

God has just been so amazing to me in my life. I'm just so so grateful for everything.

xoxo, elvyna.

Living by Faith.

Firsts.

There are all kinds of firsts. Some good, some bad. First love, first kiss, first heartbreak. First. 

Today was my first official day of my Final Year as a medical student. I could say it was a good day, because to a certain extent, it actually was. It wasn't an intensive day as I'd imagine in my head and neither was it a bad day, the kind that makes you just want to go home and lie in bed all night not doing anything else. 

It was just a terrifying day in the sense that it suddenly hit me - the realization that I'm almost at the end of my five year journey. That I'm left with this last stretch, which would be the longest and most trying year of my medical school journey. 

To become a doctor.

To be honest, that wasn't what I wanted to do on my first day stepping into IMU, but somehow, over the years, it has grown on me. It has grown to be so much a part of me that now, I can't see myself doing anything else but that in the future. 

I need this.

Just one more year to go. I need to work hard, push myself, stay motivated, give it everything I've got, because this is it. What I've been aiming to achieve since the first day of medical school. This is what everyone's been watching me do all these years. It all comes down to the final year. The final exam. The final push. 

Praying that God'll lead me and bring me through this year. Perseverance and faith. Got to keep pressing on, keep holding on no matter what. It's not going to be an easy year, but I have faith I can do it. By His grace and by His strength, not mine.

xoxo, elvyna.

In an alternate universe.

I promise to sing to you, when all the music dies.

xoxo, elvyna.

New beginnings.

Sometimes, it really is as simple as letting it all out and letting go just to breathe again.

xoxo, elvyna.

Yet I will.

When its late at night and I have time to reflect, the silence in my heart feels like a heavyweight. There's been something missing for quite some time now. At the back of my head, I always knew what that void was. I just tried to ignore it. At this point though, I don't think I can hold it in anymore. Broke down after such a long time. I've been so far away from Him I feel guilty. So extremely guilty.

I've been so busy the past couple of months that I just put devotion time and church time in the backseat. And I guess I got comfortable with that and continued with that lifestyle even though I wasn't busy anymore. There was always that nagging guilt-tripping voice in my head that said I had to do something about it but I've always managed to brush it off. But now, I just feel like I've been so out of sync with Him that I'm so lost.

So lost with myself, lost in my walk with Him, lost in just, well, everything. And I am not proud of where I am right now in my walk with Him. I've got to make a change, get out of this "lazy" phase.

Even when I can't hear You, I will trust You Lord. I will not forget that You hung on a cross, You bled and died for me. Praying for my faith in You to strengthen.


xoxo, elvyna.

Mine.

At this moment there are 6, 840, 507, 003 people in the world. Some are happy, some are sad. Some have lost, some have found. Some are at war, some are at peace. 


Six billion people in the world. Six billion souls.


Sometimes, all you need is one.


xoxo, elvyna.

Breathing in snowflakes.

At the end of a bad day, there's nothing I look forward to than to just get home to the comfort of my bed and wallow in self-pity. Sometimes that's not the case though, as I've learnt.

Take today for example. It was a pretty "meh" day at the labs. A whole day's worth of work wasted when the data analysis machine displayed the most rubbish results ever. So I left for home in a 'not-so-great' mood.

The journey home though, was an interesting one.

1) I met a lovely old man who insisted I took the last seat in the bus but I counter-insisted he did instead. He finally sighed and sat down but was still facing me so we ended up having a conversation about how the weather's so cold and how we thought the bus driver was trying to kill us all with his driving. He even gave me a pat on the back when it was his stop to alight the bus.

2) Winked at a little girl with a pink scooter in the bus and found out she couldn't wink when she started blinking at me intensely instead. Her smile sans her two front teeth only made her all the cuter and made me laugh to myself.

3) I got off at the interchange deciding to walk home instead of letting the bus take me all the way. The cold wind against my face, the little puffs of smoke coming out of my mouth everytime I expired, the sky turning a dusky blue orange with hints of stars behind the clouds. I was just in awe of everything. How it was one of the prettiest things I've seen, how I should be thankful that I'm warm and bundled up although it was so cold, and how, put simply, that I'm breathing and alive.

Suddenly, my day didn't feel as bad as it did when I left the hospital. I guess sometimes it's just about making priorities and looking at things from a different perspective. I must've been so busy lately that somehow I just forgot about all the little things that used to make my day. I mustn't forget, not ever.

Thanks for the reminder God (:

xoxo, elvyna.

It's like wishing for rain in the middle of a desert.

In a blink of an eye, January is gone. We're 1/12 into 2012 but where did all the time go? Time is flying by so quickly it's scary.

Scary knowing in a few months time I would have to be done with lab research and present in front of consultants at the 4th year conference.

Scary knowing that I'll be in my final year of medicine come June.

Scary to even think about graduating as a legit doctor in 2013.

*sigh*

But you know what? Baby steps. It'll all work out in the end, it always does.

xoxo, elvyna.

Picture Perfect Memories.

" A best friend is a sister destiny forgot to give you."

I thank God everyday for these people He put in my life. Both of them, so dear to my heart. We can totally be ourselves amongst each other: silly, laugh till we cry and our tummies ache, talk about the most random thing on earth but amazingly all three of us still get, have girly nights out ending with a mask session and sleepover and everything else.

I've had an amazing time growing up through my teenage years because of these two people. I remember the first boyfriend I had, the excitement, the butterflies in the stomach kind of feeling, the giggles and blushes, I shared it all with them. The heartbreaks that followed and times spent drowning my sorrows in ice cream and midnight talks, they were both there.

I really can't imagine my life without the both of them in it. Looking back on how much we've grown through the years, as individuals and as friends/sisters, I'm quite proud to say we've come quite a long way and we didn't turn out too bad (:

I know I don't say this much but I really love the both of them to bits! I've a strange tugging feeling in me that it'll be harder for me to say goodbye this time when I leave. But oh well, I'll remember the promise Amanda made to sponsor me and Amelia on our first trip together to somewhere beach-y! (Let's hope it's either Mauritius or Maldives and not Langkawi -_-") So yea, time and distance ain't got nothing on us! (:

xoxo, elvyna.

Breakfast

There's nothing quite like the sound of cereal (or in this case, koko krunch) hitting a bowl early in the morning. It makes me feel like a kid again in primary school days. Going to be heading out for mani+pedi with Kim later and then dinner and yumcha with college and then church friends. Long day out I foresee! It's good anyway, using up as much time as I have left to meet up with people back home.

This Friday is Malaysia day (public holiday!). Going to go to aunt's place to teach her some baking skills and techniques. Can't wait (: Oh, and photoshoot tomorrow, can we say excited? Hope it turns out well!

And on a totally non-related note, the new trailer for Breaking Dawn part 1 is out today! It looks promising! Hope it'll be as good as the book. Yes, I am a Twilight fan. Sue me :P

xoxo, elvyna.

Almost ending.

Summer's coming to an end soon. I'm gonna miss everything about it, the people more than anything else. 16 more days. Feel so moody even hearing the number of days left. Ah well. Cherish each day as it is. Shouldn't worry too much about what's going to happen after 16 days.

Right now, I'm just sneezing excessively. Feels like a cold coming on. Please oh please God, don't let me be ill. I can't afford to waste any time on falling ill. Thank You.

xoxo, elvyna.

Blessings.

Because YouTube came up with the new thing where I can't embed videos anymore (booooo!), I'll just post the lyrics of a song I came across recently. It's one of the best songs I've heard in a while. Youtube it and listen to it while reading the lyrics. I think I cried the first few times I heard it.

Be blessed people! (:

Laura Story - Blessings

We pray for blessings, we pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering

All the while You hear each spoken need
Yet love is way too much to give us lesser things

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears?
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You're near?

What if trials of this life
Are Your mercies in disguise?

We pray for wisdom, Your voice to hear
We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough

And all the while You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears?
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You're near?

And what if trials of this life
Are Your mercies in disguise?

When friends betray us, when darkness seems to win
We know that pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home
It's not our home

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears?
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You're near?

What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst
This world can't satisfy?

And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise?

xoxo, elvyna.

Thanks for the reminder that You're never gone away (:

Romans 12:2

Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is- His good, pleasing and perfect will.

Just a little reminder I saw today (:

xoxo, elvyna.

The unknown.

Sometimes I just don't know what I want.

Its funny how sometimes my feelings are so powerful, so strong. Of a great magnitude and just so indisputable. Yet other times, they're so faint, so unsure, just floating around.

xoxo, elvyna.

Confrontations aren't my forte.

Words cannot express what I'm feeling right now.

The overflowing emotions and thoughts, all scattered in my brain like pieces of a puzzle that have already been poured out but haven't been put together yet. How do I even begin putting the puzzle pieces together? I haven't seen the end product before, I don't know how it'll look like- would it be pretty? or would it be ugly? Do I really want to know what the outcome of it is?

Whoever said: "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me" obviously had no experience in life. Words DO HURT. ALOT. Especially when they're displayed out there for the whole world to see. It feels as if every single word pierces the flesh like a sharp knife, causing me to bleed away but not enough to die yet. That's how I felt reading it.

I felt so ashamed reading it, somehow trying to get my head around the false accusations you were making about me, but I couldn't understand why you did it. When I was reading it, I was concious that probably about 100 other people may have read it/were reading it/were going to read about it, sneering and laughing away as they realize that I was the one you were talking about.

Tell me, how is it "love" if all it brings you is heartbreak and despair? And how is it fair if it is not reciprocated?

All I know is, you shouldn't have fallen in love with me.

Nothing's ever going to be the same again.

xoxo, elvyna.