Future unknown :(

So yesterday was the day that all final year medical students in the UK who are graduating in June-July 2013 found out which deaneries we got placed in for our 2 year job stint after graduating. Deaneries are sort of like "areas" around England, Scotland and Ireland. They allocate our deaneries to us based on our score (50% from academic achievements and 50% from a national test everyone took in January).

Well, I got my first choice (praise God) which is the Wessex deanery down South of England but none of my other friends got it. All of us put that as our first choice but somehow this year it was oversubscribed and the mark requirement was higher than previous years. I really am grateful, don't get me wrong that I managed to achieve that minimal mark requirement but I do feel upset as well since it's going to be pretty hard starting a job with no friends around :(

Even the boyfriend got Scotland for his job application. That's 500miles away from where I will be. And it's going to be a 2 year job post. Sigh. How now brown cow?

Bittersweet feeling, not really sure how to feel since I found out. Just praying and knowing that God has His plans for me, even when I don't know it yet.

xoxo, elvyna.

Pleased.

It turned out to be one of the best Mondays I've ever had in a long long time. 

Got a mini-CEX form signed off by a gastroenterology consultant and his feedback for me is that I'll definitely make it, definitely pass medical school and become a doctor because he said with some people you just know, and I'm one of those people to him. He said I'm way above what he would expect from a medical student in the way I communicate and talk to patients.

Those were the most encouraging and motivational words a consultant has ever told me since I started medical school. And obviously, he gave me really good marks on my examination. After that I went to the Acute Medical Unit (AMU) for a while to try and get some clinical skills signed off before I head home.

The FY1 there was so friendly and nice that he got me to do an Arterial Blood Gas (ABG) for the first time ever, even though I warned him that I haven't done it before in my life. He talked me through it and watched me do it. Amazingly, I was calm and wasn't shaking all over like the first time I ever put a cannula in :/

I hit the bone though when I put the needle in and the patient said it hurt a lot. Ooops. After wiggling it around a little bit more, blood start pulsating into the syringe and I was so relieved and happy! (: The FY1 said I did really well for a first-timer and even asked me to continue taking the patient's bloods to run blood tests on. Did a cannula as well on a lovely old lady who was slightly confused.

Was a very productive day, and to end it, I came home and exercised! Exercising and just getting my sweat on does make me really happy so no matter how tired I am, I try to squeeze it in to my daily routine. Attempted the 1000 rep challenge but only managed max 500. Not too bad for a first timer I guess. It was so intense I was dripping and drenched in sweat once I was done.

Happy days like these make me feel so contented. Thank You God for answering my prayers (:

xoxo, elvyna.

A Day to Remember.

It has been such a long day that I don't even know how to begin writing about it. I just know I have to let it out somehow though. If I had to use one word to describe my day today, it would be this: overwhelming.

Started the day in the Obs & Gynae Labour ward seeing a patient I saw last week in Antenatal clinic. She was opting for a natural vaginal delivery but after a couple of hours, she still wasn't in full labour yet so they had to bring her to theatre for a Caesarian section. It wasn't going to be a complicated delivery and I was allowed to scrub in to assist the surgeon. During the surgery though, the surgeon couldn't get the baby out of the uterus as the mother had pushed earlier and lodged the baby's head in the pelvis. After sending out a neonatal emergency bleep to everyone in the hospital, the theatre started crowding up with Paediatric Consultants, Registrars, SHOs and midwives. After a couple of minutes and pushing and tugging (trust me, this wasn't a pleasant sight at all), the baby finally dislodged and came out but it was pale and floppy and had no heart beat.

At this point I noticed there was a pool of blood dripping from the theatre table through my Crocs and onto the floor. It wasn't like anything I've seen before. I could hear everyone just talking above everyone else. People shouting things like," The baby needs adrenaline injection stat!" or " The baby needs CPR!". It was a seriously scary experience. All the while the mother was awake and aware of what was happening and began to sob uncontrollably. To make the story short, the baby was still not in good shape when the surgeon and I visited it after the operation. I hope and pray that the baby and the parents would be fine.

Then after that, I went back to the wards and stayed with a lady who had a natural vaginal delivery. It was the first time I ever saw a natural birth and I must say, my eyes were welling up with tears and I was trying so hard not to be too emotional throughout. There's really nothing like seeing a baby being born into this world. And the emotions that the parents convey when they look at the baby's face for the first time ever. No words can describe that.

In between all that that was happening today, I had to do my first mini-CEX in Final Year. We have to do 3 mini-CEXs in each placement as part of our assessment in Final Year. This is when a Consultant or Registrar chooses a patient for you and you take a full history and examine the patient whilst the examiner is watching. Also, you've to come up with investigations and management (i.e. treatment of what you think the patient's diagnosis is). It's much more nerve-wrecking than it seems. It went much better than I thought it would though. The consultant was well pleased with what I did and gave me pretty good marks. Good start I would say.

Came home around 8pm after having not eaten anything the whole day (since 7am) because I was so busy that I didn't feel hungry. A friend came over and had a chat and boy, she told a story I would never ever forget. A story about her faith, how she found Jesus, how He changed her life and I was so inspired. It wasn't what I was expecting when she came over but it just happened. Goes to show that when He works, we just cannot comprehend the amazingness that is Him. So blessed. So inspired. So touched. So happy for her that she found Him, that she feels Him, that He is with her. I love hearing testimonies like these, it warms my heart.

All in all, it was such a long and tiring, but exciting day. Overwhelming day. I had to write it out and express it somewhere. This has been such a long post, but it has been a post from the heart. I don't ever want to lose this - to be able to feel things like what I felt today. I hope I don't lose it over time in the future.

God has just been so amazing to me in my life. I'm just so so grateful for everything.

xoxo, elvyna.

If we loved again, I swear I'd love you right.

So I'm doing Palliative care starting this week for a week. Done with my Medicine block after that. I can't believe it has been three months since I started. So what have I learnt so far after being posted in Elderly care, Gastroenterology and Cardiology wards? Well, not much theory to be honest, but I certainly did learn to talk and communicate more with patients. To hear them out, even if it's about other things not related to their disease or treatment. Makes one realize they are human too, with their own stories of life, with their own family. It's a really humbling thing to listen to them. Made me do a lot of self reflecting and made me appreciate things/people around me more.

Talked to a patient the other day and we ended up talking about the World War which he fought in, and his family, and his values in life. I somehow related to him and he taught me a few things as well. It's amazing, I wonder if he knew, that he touched my life that day when I talked to him. I'll remember the things he said to me for a long time now. Some reasons why I love medicine: you get to meet people, see things, learn things. It's all a learning process, and I'm ready, like a sponge, to soak up if people are willing to teach. You don't just learn from the consultants or registrars on the wards.

Ah well, enough with my boring talk. Just thought I'd like to share how I feel after being in the hospital for 3 months. Well, that ends Winchester postings for me. Next up, Southampton General Hospital. Hopefully the doctors are friendly and willing to teach as well.

On a separate note, no one said life was easy. Heck, it's a roller coaster ride. But then again, when I've got a rock as strong as Him to hold on to, what's there to be afraid of? I take comfort in that every single day. On days when I feel so weak, with no one to turn to, with family so far away, I know, I know I can always turn to Him. He'll never fail me. He's not just another human, not just another friend who disappoints, He's my God, my everlasting Father who understands and holds me in the palm of His hands because I'm his precious daughter.

So amazing this grace that He shows. I'm forever grateful. Gives me a reason to smile and be thankful everyday (: Gotta stay strong and persevere.

xoxo, elvyna.