Blessing in disguise.

So I've gotten used to work, well, I say got used to but technically I've only been at work for 8 days in total but I actually really like what I do. It's not even about the fact that I'm actually finally a legit doctor or wtv but I actually look forward to going to work everyday and don't mind staying in later just to finish up the jobs or help out some nurses with patient stuffs. 

It's amazing how you never know if you can do something, but once you do it, you can't see yourself doing anything else. And being on the island, to be honest, I wasn't really happy about it when I first found out. In fact, I was devastated. But now, I really think it was a blessing in disguise. God really does work in mysterious ways. 

Found and made some really good close friends, explored the beautiful island on weekends I have off, and also just being in such a lovely hospital working with friendly helpful staff really makes me feel so stupid for thinking that coming to the island was some sort of "punishment" and what not. Well, I'm really enjoying the fact that I don't have to study and feel guilty if I don't anymore. Enjoying the weekends off where I can truly enjoy and go out and be happy and carefree. 

Some pictures from the past few weekends on the island. It's seriously so happening in Summer! Something happens every weekend! Doubt it'll be like this in winter though, but I'll survive. LOL.

At the Shanklin Chine.

Fireworks to mark the end of the annual Cowes Week, one of the world's longest-running regatta.

Second biggest event on the island after Cowes week, the two-day annual Garlic Festival. Turned out so much more fun than I expected!

Garlic pic just because it's a garlic farm! So many types of garlic I never knew existed.

Even managed to try archery for the first time ever. Did quite well for a newbie I'd say :P

Listening to the instructions closely. So close to getting a bullseye!

Country side driving. No wonder so many people in England choose to retire on the island. So beautiful.

In awe of His creation. What a beauty.

So yea, His ways are definitely not my ways. They're so much better. So thankful that I'm on the island now. Sure, there will be ups and downs, but He's brought me this far, He'll continue bringing me further on. Eternally grateful.

xoxo, elvyna.

But when words are not enough, to tell You of our love, Listen to our hearts.

So if You listen to my heart
Every beat would say,
“Thank You for the Life, thank You for the Truth, thank You for the Way.”

So many things to be thankful for. Knowing that He's with me even through the good days and the bad. Especially the bad and lonely ones. I know You're there. I know You see me, and that is enough.

xoxo, elvyna.

Sun shine on down, ease our troubles now.

Sometimes.

A new year can mean a new beginning. If you let it be. If I let it be.

"You're not prepared to fly unless you're prepared to crash." True. Therefore this year, it's time I let go and learn to fly. Because it hurts to crash, but it hurts even more to not try.

Got to stop hoping life would be better, because it already is. Just be thankful for every day that I get to wake up - healthy, alive, breathing. To thank God for every new day, every trial, every hardship, because in the end, I will overcome it, with Him.

xoxo, elvyna.

Overwhelming.

Today has been such an overwhelming kind of day.

Heard the news that grandma slipped and fell coming out of the bathroom. And my brother panicking whilst telling me this wasn't helpful at all. It just made me worry more. The fact that I was in the wards made it even worse, as I couldn't text or call my brother to ask how things were going. I was just getting snippets of things that were happening. "At the doctor's now" "Xray department for scan" "broken bones". These weren't the words I had wanted to ever hear. Especially not in relation to my grandmother.

Everything spiralled downhill from there. I couldn't concentrate on the wards. I teared up thinking bout it. I kept praying and praying that she would be alright. I cried in the toilet. I went home eventually to give grandma a call. Burst into tears when I heard her voice. Long story short, she's fine. She's able to walk still and the doctor has given her some painkillers and bandaged her feet up.

I really hope she'll recover soon. One thing I learnt today though, learning to trust God and trusting that He will take over in a situation in which I was so helpless in really does give me peace. Instead of worrying about what had happened, I surrendered it all to Him and I felt such an overwhelming sense of peace. A peace that filled me all over and I knew at that moment that my grandmother is in His hands.

Overwhelming.

xoxo, elvyna.

Refuel from God.

This is the last week of my Obs and Gynae placement. Where did time go? 4 weeks, all done come this Friday. It's been such an amazing time in the wards, clinics, theatres, etc. I couldn't have asked for anything more. 

God has been amazing to me this 4 weeks. He gave me a good start to my Final Year, a good house with other Christian housemates that I can pray and do bible study with, good doctors to go under who are willing to teach, friendly people in the wards and so much more..

I'm so grateful for everything.

Spent this evening watching sermons on worship from YouTube. There are so many good sermons available online and it is such a good way to spend my evenings after a long day in the hospital. Just to unwind and wait upon the Lord and pray. Today I listened to such an inspiring talk by Kari Jobe on worship. I would really recommend listening to this.

God teach us to be people who love you and let our worship with you in Your presence be our main priority in life.

John 10:27 " My sheep listens to my voice; I know them, and they follow me."

xoxo, elvyna.

Living by Faith.

Firsts.

There are all kinds of firsts. Some good, some bad. First love, first kiss, first heartbreak. First. 

Today was my first official day of my Final Year as a medical student. I could say it was a good day, because to a certain extent, it actually was. It wasn't an intensive day as I'd imagine in my head and neither was it a bad day, the kind that makes you just want to go home and lie in bed all night not doing anything else. 

It was just a terrifying day in the sense that it suddenly hit me - the realization that I'm almost at the end of my five year journey. That I'm left with this last stretch, which would be the longest and most trying year of my medical school journey. 

To become a doctor.

To be honest, that wasn't what I wanted to do on my first day stepping into IMU, but somehow, over the years, it has grown on me. It has grown to be so much a part of me that now, I can't see myself doing anything else but that in the future. 

I need this.

Just one more year to go. I need to work hard, push myself, stay motivated, give it everything I've got, because this is it. What I've been aiming to achieve since the first day of medical school. This is what everyone's been watching me do all these years. It all comes down to the final year. The final exam. The final push. 

Praying that God'll lead me and bring me through this year. Perseverance and faith. Got to keep pressing on, keep holding on no matter what. It's not going to be an easy year, but I have faith I can do it. By His grace and by His strength, not mine.

xoxo, elvyna.

Yet I will.

When its late at night and I have time to reflect, the silence in my heart feels like a heavyweight. There's been something missing for quite some time now. At the back of my head, I always knew what that void was. I just tried to ignore it. At this point though, I don't think I can hold it in anymore. Broke down after such a long time. I've been so far away from Him I feel guilty. So extremely guilty.

I've been so busy the past couple of months that I just put devotion time and church time in the backseat. And I guess I got comfortable with that and continued with that lifestyle even though I wasn't busy anymore. There was always that nagging guilt-tripping voice in my head that said I had to do something about it but I've always managed to brush it off. But now, I just feel like I've been so out of sync with Him that I'm so lost.

So lost with myself, lost in my walk with Him, lost in just, well, everything. And I am not proud of where I am right now in my walk with Him. I've got to make a change, get out of this "lazy" phase.

Even when I can't hear You, I will trust You Lord. I will not forget that You hung on a cross, You bled and died for me. Praying for my faith in You to strengthen.


xoxo, elvyna.

Pressing on.

Amen.


xoxo, elvyna.

Constant reminders.

Faith. Holding on. Being thankful for the little things, the blessings in disguise (:

xoxo, elvyna.

You and me, always between the lines.

Some pictures of the AMAY-ZING food I had in London last weekend when I went up to leech visit my aunt (:

Amazing soy sauce roast chicken.
Prawn dumplings.
Siu Yuk! (:
Chilli Fried Black Pepper Squid (:

Looking at the pictures above are making me salivate and my tummy rumble. It's almost dinner time.

It has been one of the most stressful days ever for me as my abstract was due in today, Orthopaedics end of attachment exam and presentation filled my morning and I had to go to the labs to get a spleen and incubate it over the weekends! Everything turned out pretty well though. Better than I expected in fact.

My abstract was submitted an hour before it was due (albeit me going over the word limit-that's an issue for another day :/), I ended up getting the highest marks in the whole attachment for the exam (thank You so much God! I'll never do last minute studying again) and the spleen is sitting happily now even as I type in the incubator.

Things DO turn out well when I trust. Trust me, I was praying so hard last night I think I jammed up the prayer queue to God. Ahhh. Time to wind down and relax with a barbeque with friends tomorrow. Can't wait! (:

xoxo, elvyna.

Agape.

This video made me cry for the longest time ever.

I don't recall the last time I watched something that moved me so deeply like this video did. It made me remember a lot of things. His love. The feeling it gives me. The understanding of the Father's love in giving His only son to die for me, for us. Reflecting on everything He's done, His love, His mercy, His grace. Who am I that I am the object of His affection? Why me?

"That God in eternity looked at me forseeing my fallenness, my pride, my sin. I want that man in my family. I'll do anything to get him in my family. I will pay for him to be in my family with my son's life."

I will love You with every breath, every song, every word, every action, every cell in my body because You are God.

xoxo, elvyna.

How beautiful You are to me.

Set a fire down in my soul,

That I can't contain and I can't control,

I want more of You God.

I want more of You God.

Focusing on what should matter most.

xoxo, elvyna.

The best day of the year (:

And finally, it's Christmas day. My favourite-st day of the year. What's not to like about Christmas? (: The only downside is I'm celebrating it without my friends and family, but hey, the true reason to celebrate Christmas still remains. Thanking God for everything He's done in my life all these years. Christmas is just a wonderful reminder to my purpose in life.

Now let me go listen to christmas songs on repeat while dancing dorkily to myself in the living room eating gingerbread men and sipping tea.

Aaah (:
Mr Snowman next to my orchid (:

Just a lil Christmas song that sums everything up (:

Have a blessed Christmas everyone! Love ya'll <3

xoxo, elvyna.

Monochrome.

Got a surprise for my birthday when I got a keyboard as a present! Loving it soooo much I've been playing it non stop since I got it. Lots to brush up on considering I haven't been playing for the past what? 2 years or so but there are some songs which I still remember how to play from memory. HAHA.

So its my 22nd birthday today! Lol. Happy Birthday me. HAHA. It's such a great thing waking up and checking Facebook (I am not a FB addict) and seeing my wall flooded with love messages and well wishes from everyone I know. Well, I know FB reminds people that it's my birthday but still, I appreciate the few seconds it takes for someone to write just a simple happy bday on my wall.

Birthdays are always days I look back and reminisce about how much I've grown over the past years and thank God for letting me be where I am today. Growing up isn't half as bad as some people say it would be. I like the idea of being responsible, learning to be independent, even the whole being away from home thing. But that being said, of course I love being home with people taking care of me and such as well (:

There's so much to be thankful for today. My life, studies, my friends, my family, people who care about me... He is truly amazing. In every single way possible. I don't think I'll ever stop being grateful and thankful for His amazing providence and blessings in my life. So much more than I could ever ask for, so much more than I deserve, but yet, here I am celebrating my 22nd year of life. It's going to be a great one! (:

xoxo, elvyna.

Bright side of things.

Crazy British weather. Just when I thought it was the end of sunny days and blue skies with fluffy clouds as winter is approaching, it's such a lovely day today! Church was awesome, as always, and I learnt something today.

I learnt how to be a friend to someone in need, someone I'm not so close to yet but am trying to be. Because sometimes all someone needs is a shoulder to cry on or someone to lean on. I can learn to be that for them.

And lyrics of a song that brought tears to my eyes during worship session today:

I'm giving you my heart, and all that is within.

I'm lay it all down for the sake of You my King

I'm giving You my dreams, laying down my rights

I'm giving up my pride

For the promise of new life.

Sometimes, all we need to do is SURRENDER everything to Him. It will work out.

What if Your blessings come through raindrops?

Love.

What does it really mean?

"Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

I haven't written about love in a while. Feelings, yes, emotions, yes, but not love. I've always felt love is such a strong word. It embodies so many things as depicted in the bible verse above. Yet, it is being used loosely by people everywhere. I'm not judging people who use the word love, don't get me wrong, but I'm just saying to me, it means a whole lot more than a four-letter word.

Speaking to a friend today about relationships, I reflected on what LOVE means. I think I'm still on a journey to discover its meaning. I mean, I know I love my family and friends, but the kind of love it takes to be in a relationship and make it last, I'm not sure if I know how it feels like. Maybe I've loved before and am afraid to do it again, but one thing I know for sure: for now, knowing the love Jesus showed me when He died upon the cross to be my saviour, that would suffice. That love? It surpasses any kind of love I know I'll ever get from anyone in this world.

Thank You for loving me (:

xoxo, elvyna.

It's more than something small.

Received this in the post today. It almost made me cry. I'm so touched by the gesture, the thought. Just when I needed encouragement the most, He never fails to surprise me. To know that I have such a wonderful friend that would care enough to send me a handmade card, that alone reminds me of how amazing He can be (:

The bible verse that came with it.

Psalm 5:11-12

But let all who take refuge in you be glad; let them ever sing for joy. Spread your protection over them, that those who love Your name may rejoice in You. For surely, O Lord, you bless the righteous; you surround them with Your favour as with a shield.

It is true, His love never fails. Thank you Sarah (:

xoxo, elvyna.

You danced with me and I could see that there was more to life.

My cuppa home made skinny latte complete with foam and cocoa topping to accompany me while i study (:

Saturday afternoon skype sessions are what I look forward to. Doing devotion with people I love, hearing testimonies about how God has blessed them in their lives, knowing that they are doing well, all these just brings a smile to me. There's nothing like being reminded that He is the reason I'm here, the reason any of us are where we are in the first place. Talked about trusting God and having faith even when all else fails. Reminded of the story of Job in the bible.

Sometime this week, got a text from someone I love with a testimony of how God helped and protected him. Couldn't help but cry and come to my knees knowing that God is indeed all powerful when we as humans are helpless. Hearing stories of how people give thanks to God brings a tear to my eyes. I guess it made me miss cell group back in IMU :(

Humbled by His love and grace. A dear friend said, "To be broken and beautiful" in my brokenness and knowing the weakness of sin in my heart, only then can we be humbled and marvel at His love on the cross. So true.

Continuing this race with love and most importantly, His love.

xoxo, elvyna.

Pray.

Make my life a prayer to You,

I wanna do what You want me to,

No empty words and no white lies,

No token prayers, no compromise.

xoxo, elvyna.

What love really means.

What I learnt from the speaker in church today (taken from Matthew 5:38-48):

1) If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also.

2) If someone wants to sue you and take your tunic, offer him your cloak as well.

3) If someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles.

Basically it just means we shouldn't apply the "an eye for an eye" saying as Christians. I found it really interesting how he related it back to Jesus, indicating that He wasn't just a man of words, but a man of action. Compare these following points to the three above:

1) Jesus was beaten up by the Roman soldiers (Matthew 27:30).

2) Jesus was stripped of His clothes (Matthew 27:28).

3) Jesus carried His cross (Matthew 27:31-33).

Well, I'm not the kind of person that would actually take revenge and get even with someone if they've crossed me. Normally I'll just let things slide and tell myself, "It's ok, it doesn't matter, things'll be ok if I don't retaliate, etc, etc." However, the speaker today said that that is not really the way to deal with it. He said even though getting even is not an option, letting yourself be "bullied" isn't an option either. Instead, one should apply the above verses and react positively.

To be honest, I don't really understand what that means :/ So what do I do then? If someone criticises me, do i tell him/her, c'mon criticise me more? Meh :( I don't even know what I'm doing in church. Probably hearing but not listening. Or maybe it's like some isi tersirat which I don't get/understand :(

Whatever it is, I guess I just got to keep reading His word and try and find out what it means. I pray I become more Christ-like everyday and learn to seek first His kingdom and not care about things of this world because honestly right now, the world isn't very kind to me :(

xoxo, elvyna.