When its late at night and I have time to reflect, the silence in my heart feels like a heavyweight. There's been something missing for quite some time now. At the back of my head, I always knew what that void was. I just tried to ignore it. At this point though, I don't think I can hold it in anymore. Broke down after such a long time. I've been so far away from Him I feel guilty. So extremely guilty.
I've been so busy the past couple of months that I just put devotion time and church time in the backseat. And I guess I got comfortable with that and continued with that lifestyle even though I wasn't busy anymore. There was always that nagging guilt-tripping voice in my head that said I had to do something about it but I've always managed to brush it off. But now, I just feel like I've been so out of sync with Him that I'm so lost.
So lost with myself, lost in my walk with Him, lost in just, well, everything. And I am not proud of where I am right now in my walk with Him. I've got to make a change, get out of this "lazy" phase.
Even when I can't hear You, I will trust You Lord. I will not forget that You hung on a cross, You bled and died for me. Praying for my faith in You to strengthen.
xoxo, elvyna.
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