Sun shine on down, ease our troubles now.

Sometimes.

A new year can mean a new beginning. If you let it be. If I let it be.

"You're not prepared to fly unless you're prepared to crash." True. Therefore this year, it's time I let go and learn to fly. Because it hurts to crash, but it hurts even more to not try.

Got to stop hoping life would be better, because it already is. Just be thankful for every day that I get to wake up - healthy, alive, breathing. To thank God for every new day, every trial, every hardship, because in the end, I will overcome it, with Him.

xoxo, elvyna.

Pleased.

It turned out to be one of the best Mondays I've ever had in a long long time. 

Got a mini-CEX form signed off by a gastroenterology consultant and his feedback for me is that I'll definitely make it, definitely pass medical school and become a doctor because he said with some people you just know, and I'm one of those people to him. He said I'm way above what he would expect from a medical student in the way I communicate and talk to patients.

Those were the most encouraging and motivational words a consultant has ever told me since I started medical school. And obviously, he gave me really good marks on my examination. After that I went to the Acute Medical Unit (AMU) for a while to try and get some clinical skills signed off before I head home.

The FY1 there was so friendly and nice that he got me to do an Arterial Blood Gas (ABG) for the first time ever, even though I warned him that I haven't done it before in my life. He talked me through it and watched me do it. Amazingly, I was calm and wasn't shaking all over like the first time I ever put a cannula in :/

I hit the bone though when I put the needle in and the patient said it hurt a lot. Ooops. After wiggling it around a little bit more, blood start pulsating into the syringe and I was so relieved and happy! (: The FY1 said I did really well for a first-timer and even asked me to continue taking the patient's bloods to run blood tests on. Did a cannula as well on a lovely old lady who was slightly confused.

Was a very productive day, and to end it, I came home and exercised! Exercising and just getting my sweat on does make me really happy so no matter how tired I am, I try to squeeze it in to my daily routine. Attempted the 1000 rep challenge but only managed max 500. Not too bad for a first timer I guess. It was so intense I was dripping and drenched in sweat once I was done.

Happy days like these make me feel so contented. Thank You God for answering my prayers (:

xoxo, elvyna.

The more I seek You, the more I find You.

I want to sit at Your feet,
Drink from the cup in Your hand,
Lay back against You and breathe,
Feel Your heartbeat.

This love is so deep,
Its more than I can stand,
I melt in Your peace, 
It's overwhelming.

Psalm 9:10 Those who know Your name will trust in You, for You, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek You.

xoxo, elvyna.

Overwhelming.

Today has been such an overwhelming kind of day.

Heard the news that grandma slipped and fell coming out of the bathroom. And my brother panicking whilst telling me this wasn't helpful at all. It just made me worry more. The fact that I was in the wards made it even worse, as I couldn't text or call my brother to ask how things were going. I was just getting snippets of things that were happening. "At the doctor's now" "Xray department for scan" "broken bones". These weren't the words I had wanted to ever hear. Especially not in relation to my grandmother.

Everything spiralled downhill from there. I couldn't concentrate on the wards. I teared up thinking bout it. I kept praying and praying that she would be alright. I cried in the toilet. I went home eventually to give grandma a call. Burst into tears when I heard her voice. Long story short, she's fine. She's able to walk still and the doctor has given her some painkillers and bandaged her feet up.

I really hope she'll recover soon. One thing I learnt today though, learning to trust God and trusting that He will take over in a situation in which I was so helpless in really does give me peace. Instead of worrying about what had happened, I surrendered it all to Him and I felt such an overwhelming sense of peace. A peace that filled me all over and I knew at that moment that my grandmother is in His hands.

Overwhelming.

xoxo, elvyna.

Refuel from God.

This is the last week of my Obs and Gynae placement. Where did time go? 4 weeks, all done come this Friday. It's been such an amazing time in the wards, clinics, theatres, etc. I couldn't have asked for anything more. 

God has been amazing to me this 4 weeks. He gave me a good start to my Final Year, a good house with other Christian housemates that I can pray and do bible study with, good doctors to go under who are willing to teach, friendly people in the wards and so much more..

I'm so grateful for everything.

Spent this evening watching sermons on worship from YouTube. There are so many good sermons available online and it is such a good way to spend my evenings after a long day in the hospital. Just to unwind and wait upon the Lord and pray. Today I listened to such an inspiring talk by Kari Jobe on worship. I would really recommend listening to this.

God teach us to be people who love you and let our worship with you in Your presence be our main priority in life.

John 10:27 " My sheep listens to my voice; I know them, and they follow me."

xoxo, elvyna.

A Day to Remember.

It has been such a long day that I don't even know how to begin writing about it. I just know I have to let it out somehow though. If I had to use one word to describe my day today, it would be this: overwhelming.

Started the day in the Obs & Gynae Labour ward seeing a patient I saw last week in Antenatal clinic. She was opting for a natural vaginal delivery but after a couple of hours, she still wasn't in full labour yet so they had to bring her to theatre for a Caesarian section. It wasn't going to be a complicated delivery and I was allowed to scrub in to assist the surgeon. During the surgery though, the surgeon couldn't get the baby out of the uterus as the mother had pushed earlier and lodged the baby's head in the pelvis. After sending out a neonatal emergency bleep to everyone in the hospital, the theatre started crowding up with Paediatric Consultants, Registrars, SHOs and midwives. After a couple of minutes and pushing and tugging (trust me, this wasn't a pleasant sight at all), the baby finally dislodged and came out but it was pale and floppy and had no heart beat.

At this point I noticed there was a pool of blood dripping from the theatre table through my Crocs and onto the floor. It wasn't like anything I've seen before. I could hear everyone just talking above everyone else. People shouting things like," The baby needs adrenaline injection stat!" or " The baby needs CPR!". It was a seriously scary experience. All the while the mother was awake and aware of what was happening and began to sob uncontrollably. To make the story short, the baby was still not in good shape when the surgeon and I visited it after the operation. I hope and pray that the baby and the parents would be fine.

Then after that, I went back to the wards and stayed with a lady who had a natural vaginal delivery. It was the first time I ever saw a natural birth and I must say, my eyes were welling up with tears and I was trying so hard not to be too emotional throughout. There's really nothing like seeing a baby being born into this world. And the emotions that the parents convey when they look at the baby's face for the first time ever. No words can describe that.

In between all that that was happening today, I had to do my first mini-CEX in Final Year. We have to do 3 mini-CEXs in each placement as part of our assessment in Final Year. This is when a Consultant or Registrar chooses a patient for you and you take a full history and examine the patient whilst the examiner is watching. Also, you've to come up with investigations and management (i.e. treatment of what you think the patient's diagnosis is). It's much more nerve-wrecking than it seems. It went much better than I thought it would though. The consultant was well pleased with what I did and gave me pretty good marks. Good start I would say.

Came home around 8pm after having not eaten anything the whole day (since 7am) because I was so busy that I didn't feel hungry. A friend came over and had a chat and boy, she told a story I would never ever forget. A story about her faith, how she found Jesus, how He changed her life and I was so inspired. It wasn't what I was expecting when she came over but it just happened. Goes to show that when He works, we just cannot comprehend the amazingness that is Him. So blessed. So inspired. So touched. So happy for her that she found Him, that she feels Him, that He is with her. I love hearing testimonies like these, it warms my heart.

All in all, it was such a long and tiring, but exciting day. Overwhelming day. I had to write it out and express it somewhere. This has been such a long post, but it has been a post from the heart. I don't ever want to lose this - to be able to feel things like what I felt today. I hope I don't lose it over time in the future.

God has just been so amazing to me in my life. I'm just so so grateful for everything.

xoxo, elvyna.

Living by Faith.

Firsts.

There are all kinds of firsts. Some good, some bad. First love, first kiss, first heartbreak. First. 

Today was my first official day of my Final Year as a medical student. I could say it was a good day, because to a certain extent, it actually was. It wasn't an intensive day as I'd imagine in my head and neither was it a bad day, the kind that makes you just want to go home and lie in bed all night not doing anything else. 

It was just a terrifying day in the sense that it suddenly hit me - the realization that I'm almost at the end of my five year journey. That I'm left with this last stretch, which would be the longest and most trying year of my medical school journey. 

To become a doctor.

To be honest, that wasn't what I wanted to do on my first day stepping into IMU, but somehow, over the years, it has grown on me. It has grown to be so much a part of me that now, I can't see myself doing anything else but that in the future. 

I need this.

Just one more year to go. I need to work hard, push myself, stay motivated, give it everything I've got, because this is it. What I've been aiming to achieve since the first day of medical school. This is what everyone's been watching me do all these years. It all comes down to the final year. The final exam. The final push. 

Praying that God'll lead me and bring me through this year. Perseverance and faith. Got to keep pressing on, keep holding on no matter what. It's not going to be an easy year, but I have faith I can do it. By His grace and by His strength, not mine.

xoxo, elvyna.

Yet I will.

When its late at night and I have time to reflect, the silence in my heart feels like a heavyweight. There's been something missing for quite some time now. At the back of my head, I always knew what that void was. I just tried to ignore it. At this point though, I don't think I can hold it in anymore. Broke down after such a long time. I've been so far away from Him I feel guilty. So extremely guilty.

I've been so busy the past couple of months that I just put devotion time and church time in the backseat. And I guess I got comfortable with that and continued with that lifestyle even though I wasn't busy anymore. There was always that nagging guilt-tripping voice in my head that said I had to do something about it but I've always managed to brush it off. But now, I just feel like I've been so out of sync with Him that I'm so lost.

So lost with myself, lost in my walk with Him, lost in just, well, everything. And I am not proud of where I am right now in my walk with Him. I've got to make a change, get out of this "lazy" phase.

Even when I can't hear You, I will trust You Lord. I will not forget that You hung on a cross, You bled and died for me. Praying for my faith in You to strengthen.


xoxo, elvyna.

Pray.

Make my life a prayer to You,

I wanna do what You want me to,

No empty words and no white lies,

No token prayers, no compromise.

xoxo, elvyna.