Dear Grandma.

First of all, Happy 77th Birthday. I just got off skype with you. I miss you so much my heart aches physically :( There's so much I wanted to say to you, so much to tell you. But I couldn't bring myself to it or else I'd just end up crying so badly.

You mean so much to me and this is the first year I'm not by your side to wish you and give you a hug and a kiss. It doesn't mean I love you any less, in fact, I love you just the same, or more, if that is still possible.You've been the best grandma I could ever ask God for. I thank Him every single day for your presence in my life and if there's anyone I can give credit for for who I am now, it's you. You taught me my first prayer, and I still remember it to this day. You were there whenever I just needed someone to hold me while I cried, and you never once stopped believing in me even when I did myself. You taught me what love means and you've inspired me in every way possible just by living your life, so faithful to God and your family.

So here's to you ma, the strongest person I've ever known, the one who showed me how to find happiness and hope even in the darkest times. I don't think I'll ever be half the woman you are.

I love you.

Somehow these three words cannot compare to what my heart actually needs to say to you. Words are never enough, but it'll suffice.

xoxo, elvyna.

You're the one I choose.

Because every person you meet or cross paths with each day is actually special and have their own stories to tell. If only we'd all take time to listen, cause sometimes, that's all they need.

As doctors (soon to be), sometimes we get so caught up in trying to find a diagnosis and cure for a patient that we neglect the fact that they are humans with feelings as well. Sure, it is important to diagnose and cure, but I think that "curing" them emotionally is important as well.

Today as I was speaking to an elderly patient in the ward, she poured out her fears and concerns to me. She was so fragile, not because of her illness, no, but because she was afraid of not being able to do the things she dreams of doing before she dies. She doesn't want to have any regrets she says. I don't know what expression I was showing at that time, but she reached over, touched and held both my hands in her hands, looked me in the eyes and gave her best attempt at a smile. At that moment, it wasn't just my hands she touched, but my heart too.

There are so many more things I need to learn. And somehow, I think I will learn something new each and every day, from patients, from people who cross paths with me. Feeling so grateful and lucky for this opportunity. Experiencing His blessings in the littlest things everyday. More than enough (:

xoxo, elvyna.

I suck at decision making :(

So today I went to see the BMedSc supervisor I contacted to discuss her project and see if I could do it for my year 4 research. She explained everything to me regarding her project- novel immunotherapy treatment for neuroblastoma. She went on talking about T-cell mediated response and tumour cell antigen stuffs and normally, I wouldn't really understand but thank God I decided to read up a day before meeting her. So she was pretty impressed that I understood what she was saying.

Anyways, I wouldn't want to bore all you guys by explaining the whole concept of the project here since it's all medical terms and stuff, but the gist of it is, it's gonna be purely lab work. Which is what I didn't want as my project. Let me explain: the thing with lab work is that you've got to harvest cell cultures, and when those cell cultures are not grown in optimum conditions, i.e. temperature, solution, nutrients, it dies. And when it dies, you got to start from square one again. Which means it would be a waste of time if that happens. I mean, I'd be lucky if they don't die and then I can carry out the project but she did say that it's not going to be easy and the cells die pretty easily. Neuroblastoma cells anyway :/

So the supervisor was really nice, she asked me to think about it, whether I really wanted to choose this project as my 4th year project because its gonna be 22 weeks long and well, I won't be happy doing something I'm not comfortable doing. BUT thing is, I've wanted to do paediatric oncology for the longest time ever and this is well, sorta like the best opportunity I have to do it.

I really don't know. I have approximately a week and a half to think about it. Maybe it's time not to worry about what I think is best for me, but be still, pray about it and ask God what is it He wants me to do. It's so scary not knowing what the future holds really.

aahh! why do i have to be so human? I got to have faith. I GOT TO.

xoxo, elvyna.

Catch a falling star and put it in your pocket, never let it fade away.

I feel like a spectator to the world outside my window on a rainy night, as if a pause button has been pressed in my life. Where suddenly the chaos and hustling of the day comes to a pitstop.

As if in here, under the comfort and warmth of my sheets, and with pillows piled up around me, I feel safer. The tranquility and quietness. As if because of the rain, I'd have a pleasant dream tonight, of you maybe, and wake up smiling wanting to shut my eyes for it to happen all over again. Because dreams are the closest thing we have to reality now.

Here's hoping the sound of the rain lulls me to sleep and that a rainbow'll come after.

Goodnight.

xoxo, elvyna.

In my life, Your will be done.

Just finished my devotion tonight. Such a simple verse, one I've always read through and glanced upon but still, it has a profound meaning.

Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life. Proverbs 4:23

I must admit, many a times i've strayed and my heart have been tempted. It is really important, I feel, to learn how to guard my heart because, well, all our actions and choices are driven by the desires of our heart. The heart shows and portrays who you are as a person. But somehow, I just find it really difficult to stay grounded in the world today :(

Therefore, tonight I said a prayer. A prayer to set my heart right with God, and to renew my commitment to love God with all I have. Everything I have. Because I can't do this alone. I need His help. I don't know what the future holds, but still I'll trust in His faithfulness. He's never failed me, He never will.

xoxo, elvyna.

Sunny day!

I rearranged my messy stack of books and papers! (: My table feels so ready to be in "study mode" now. Too bad I'm not! :P Church was great today btw! *lalalalala*

I feel really really happy today (:

xoxo, elvyna.

you make me smile (:

I miss the feeling I get whenever I sit down with a cup of hot passionfruit and peach tea in one hand and a book in the other. I miss the way I feel when I read and get lost in the tracks of time just lapping up each sentence on every page of a book. I've been fond of reading since I was a kid and I just never grew out of it. In fact, I might've grown into it, if that makes any sense :/

I guess I've always found it amazing how powerful words can be in telling a story. How in one moment I can be in my room reading and the next thing I know, I'm being transported into another realm, where I can feel what the characters in the book feels, or imagine a sunset so beautiful it makes me tear, or even feel a love so compelling through the story that I've never felt before in real life. Or maybe it could be like how it was when I was younger, where I would suddenly become a princess, in a castle somewhere far far away, awaiting the arrival of my prince charming to sweep me off my feet.

Anything is possible in a storybook. There are no boundaries, no barriers. Nothing to hold me back. Nothing to restrain my imagination from going wild. Nothing too big for me to grasp. I like the feeling I get when I can just let myself go, or at least my thoughts, whilst I'm reading a book. That feeling, I've missed it. Maybe that's why I can always spend hours and hours just sitting on a park bench or a coffee shop reading, oblivious to people passing by around me, just to hold on to that exhilarating rush of euphoria I get when I'm soaking up a book. It's like as if time stops for me, or rather moves too quickly when it happens. (:

So tonight, I'm putting the medical books aside for a little while (they've been overused anyways!) and I'm going to read a story book again, just to feel the way I always do when I read. No melanomas, no rheumatoid arthritis, no cardiac arrhythmia or Crohn's disease or any other disease for that matter.

It's just me and my book for tonight. And oh, my cuppa passion fruit peach tea (:

I iz happy, I iz very very happy (:

xoxo, elvyna.

:(

It hasn't been a great start to 2011, I must say. My first day back here in Southampton hasn't been going all that well. *sigh* Sometimes I guess no matter how hard you try to make things right, if it's just not meant to be, it won't ever happen.

As I'm waiting for my huge mug of 2 sachets of 3-in-1 Milo to cool down, I've been repeating the same song on iTunes for the past 15 minutes. Trying to clear my head of everything. The lyrics are so simple. It repeats over the whole chorus, but somehow I can just cry listening to this song. Again and again.

Amazed- Lincoln Brewster

You dance over me, while I am unaware

You sing all around, but I never hear the sound

Lord I'm amazed by You,

Lord I'm amazed by You,

Lord I'm amazed by You,

How You love me.

You paint the morning sky, with miracles in mind

My hope will always stand, for You hold me in Your hand

How deep, How wide

How great is You love for me

I guess sometimes when I try too hard to look for that silver lining out of everything I'm in and don't find it, I don't have to be upset. There may not be a silver lining to most things, but my God is always with me, and He loves me. Nothing's gonna change that. ever.

So come terrible days like today, come anything. I'll take them down. He holds me in His hands. Taking comfort in that.

xoxo, elvyna.

Your grace has found me just as I am, empty handed but alive in Your hands.

First of all, Happy New Year everyone! (: I hope all of you had an awesome time counting down the minutes and then seconds and ushering in the new year.

View of the fireworks from the London eye.

May the new year bring all of you more joy, more happiness, more love than 2010 did. May it also remind us of His greatness and the blessings He has so abundantly poured into our lives each and every day last year. This year, will be a better year, as we continue to strengthen our faith, trust Him more, love Him more. More of Him, less of me.

I've already made my resolution this year, which is the same every year. What about you? Make one, and keep it. Work towards it. Even if it's just a little one. It'll make a whole lot of difference. Baby steps, it's better than none.

Looking forward to all the great things He has in store for me this year. Ready to take up the challenges and obstacles of the year. Nothing to fear with Him that strengthens me. My heart is at peace knowing that.

Ahh. What an amazing, amazing God I have.

xoxo, elvyna.

May these memories break our fall.

Had lunch at a 1 star Michelin restaurant with aunt when we got to London from Greece.

This was at L'Atelier by Joel Robuchon in Leicester Square. The food was really nice and the portion was small so I wasn't overly stuffed (:Starter: Sauteed squid.
Main: Honey suckling pig.
Interior of the restaurant. Mirror reflection.

Dessert: Chocolate log cake with ice cream (:

Dinner that night was at ParkLane Hilton- Galvin at Windows, another one star Michelin restaurant. The ambience was nice, it was a pretty romantic setting and there was a view of part of London city.
Outside the hotel. So christmas-y all the snowflakes (:

Starter of the 3 course meal : Lobster Ravioli. Aunt's main: Foie Gras with orange glaze.Main: Steak with foie gras on a bed of spinach.View of the city.Dessert: Chocolate ganache. Heavenly (:Aunt's dessert: Chocolate souffle.Hibiscus tea! (:

Spent two nights with aunt at Marriott before she left and look what I discovered! (:

( I know they're referring to my aunt but it's not my fault we have the same surname) HAHA. so special (:

xoxo, elvyna.