Love is waiting till we're ready, till it's right.

Life for me has been pretty routine of late. Library, meals, showers, sleep, placements. That's all I do, but then again, exams are pretty close, in about a month and a give or take couple of days. I'm actually getting quite nervous about exams approaching so soon, since I heard it's like EOS 5 and OSCE in IMU. Not something I would love to go through again, the number of panic attacks it gave me last time.

But I guess it's different this time, being away, taking a major exam in a totally foreign country with none of my usual study buddies or family to just pray with me. It's gonna be extra tough but that also means I've got to be even tougher! So studying in the library for 12 hours a day won't be as fun without people from IMU, so everything will seem tougher when I don't understand something, but I'm sure I'll make it through this time, just like every other time before this, because whenever I start losing hope in myself, He never loses hope in me and surprises me beyond my wildest imaginations just like He has for every exam before this.

I've just got to continue to have faith in Him and commit everything into His hands. I'm saying all this now while I'm still sane from studying, maybe in a couple of weeks, if not days, I'll start going crazy doubting why I'm doing medicine, questioning God and all, but well, hopefully reading this post and remembering all that He's done for me would continue to fuel me on this long journey ahead.

It's not easy. But hey, anything worth fighting for is never easy, is it?

xoxo, elvyna.

Waiting for Forever.

One of the sweetest films ever. So beautiful. Love the soundtrack so much and Tom Sturridge is looking pretty hot (:

Definitely a film I'd recommend (:

xoxo, elvyna.

kaleidoscope of colours.

Since I haven't been feeling that great recently, what with exams stress piling on and other stuffs, decided to take some time off from studying today to bake. Instead of baking the usual stuffs I do, I decided to make rainbow cupcakes. To be honest, I've never made these in my life before, but I see it a lot on tumblr sites and always thought it looked pretty.

So today I felt adventurous and decided to try and make them.
The hardest part of all. Dividing the cake batter into 6 colours and making the right shades of "rainbow" colours. Since I only have 3 food colouring paste (red, blue, yellow) I had to try and mix the colours till I got the one I was satisfied with.

Vanilla Icing. Didn't want to overdo the deco as the cupcake itself is quite bright. It looks like clouds doesnt it? (:

Ahh. Happy Happy colours of the rainbow. I think I'm in love.
I certainly felt better after devouring one cupcake. It was actually really moist and yummy besides being pretty. At least now I feel much happier (: (:

I dare you to be in a bad mood after eating one of these (:

P/S: Is it a coincidence that the pastor in church today spoke about Noah's ark and the covenant between him and God (ie the rainbow)? :D

Genesis 9:16 Whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living creatures of every kind on the earth.

xoxo, elvyna.

Cause reality is better than my dreams these days.

What I smell of on most days.

I still find it amazing how certain scents can remind you so much of someone, or even an event that happened in the past. I like feeling nostalgic and reminiscing about the past, until it reaches a point of realization that it IS the past. But sometimes I do it anyway, just so I can think of you again and remember how real you were to me once upon a time.

xoxo, elvyna.

Sometimes you forgive people simply because you still want them in your life.

Jason's Paediatric book I borrowed for my attachment. Visitor sticker from Shepherds Down School (school for disabled children)

Went for my disability school visit today. I don't think I can find words to describe how I felt when I saw the children in my class. I was assigned to sit in on the ages 7-11 class. The kids in this class were disabled in a way, some physically and mentally, some had autism, one had Down's syndrome but ALL had difficulty communicating and speaking. It was really heart wrenching to read through their medical files and see how life turned out for each one of them since birth. The initial pathology they presented with never went away, instead, it either got aggravated or added on with some other disease.

If only I learnt sign language properly, or Makaton, I would probably be able to communicate (somewhat) with them. But then again, almost all of them had Profound Mental Learning Disability (PMLD). An 8-year old kid from the class scared me a little when he suddenly came up to me and put his hands on my face and touched it while blinking his eyes vigorously. I learnt later from the teacher that that was his way of communicating and reacting to things. I gave him a hug (before he pushed me away though but it was worth it while it lasted).

Learnt and saw a lot of rare cases today as well : Lissencephaly (where the brain is totally smooth instead of having ridges), West Syndrome (epileptic disorder in infants- this 10 year old kid in the class had to wear a hard helmet as he would have drop seizures at any time of the day, up to about 5 times a day), Angelman's syndrome (mental and physical retardation, constant smiling and happy mood)- btw, Colin Farrell's son was diagnosed with this, etc. Lots of reading up to do!

It made me feel really thankful (not saying I'm only thankful when I see children like that) that my brother and I were born normal and healthy, reaching the developmental milestones when appropriate and being able to communicate well in a social setting.

Today's visit was truly an eye-opener. Made me consider specialising in Disability in Children. Ah well, we'll see where life leads.

Just realized this post is so medical and well, not my usual kinda stuffs, but it really touched me in some way and I thought I'd like to share it with you guys!

Dinner tonight for Southampton International Medics Society (SIMS) handover to new committee. Did I say? I'm the newly elected treasurer of the society! (:

xoxo, elvyna.

I've locked you up in the deepest corner of my heart.

Sipping on my cup of hot green tea, after a warm shower. Refusing to dry my hair with a hairdryer (thus ending up with water dripping from my hair, but I really couldn't care less) while listening to jazz music. And of course, writing this post. And I feel at peace, regardless.

It was a pretty busy week for me, starting Paediatrics placements. I must be honest, it wasn't the best start to any attachment, and I really don't want to sound like this first week has put me off doing Paediatrics, but it somewhat has. And I was pretty down about it the whole week, because for as long as I've known, I've wanted to specialize in Paediatrics. So I wasn't really myself this week, been kinda "off" in more ways than one, and people around me started noticing (gosh, I just can't hide my true feelings even subconciously, can I?).

Anyways, long story short, I got over it. The feeling of wallowing in my self-pity and decided to make next week a better week instead. It'll be a new start, as with most things in my life recently. Scary, feeling vulnerable, but a new start nevertheless. It'll be better.

And if all else fails, I'll just immerse myself in my books and studies and forget about everything.

Yup, I'll do that.

xoxo, elvyna.

Chocolate Fudge cake with Almonds and strawberries.

Baking on a boring Sunday. Love the smell of chocolate filling the whole kitchen and licking the chocolate mess off my fingers! (:

xoxo, elvyna.

You danced with me and I could see that there was more to life.

My cuppa home made skinny latte complete with foam and cocoa topping to accompany me while i study (:

Saturday afternoon skype sessions are what I look forward to. Doing devotion with people I love, hearing testimonies about how God has blessed them in their lives, knowing that they are doing well, all these just brings a smile to me. There's nothing like being reminded that He is the reason I'm here, the reason any of us are where we are in the first place. Talked about trusting God and having faith even when all else fails. Reminded of the story of Job in the bible.

Sometime this week, got a text from someone I love with a testimony of how God helped and protected him. Couldn't help but cry and come to my knees knowing that God is indeed all powerful when we as humans are helpless. Hearing stories of how people give thanks to God brings a tear to my eyes. I guess it made me miss cell group back in IMU :(

Humbled by His love and grace. A dear friend said, "To be broken and beautiful" in my brokenness and knowing the weakness of sin in my heart, only then can we be humbled and marvel at His love on the cross. So true.

Continuing this race with love and most importantly, His love.

xoxo, elvyna.

your crooked smile.

I want to paint my nails with every colour of the rainbow and eat ice cream out of a cone and take pretty pictures of flowers and food and puppies which I love so much. I want to stay up as late as I want, drinking coffee and playing computer games, or even reading every book I own. I want to dress up and look pretty without any reason, dancing to my favourite songs and singing along at the top of my lungs.

I want to tell everyone in the world how beautiful they are and how much they deserve. I want to roll down a hill of grass and watch the beautiful sunset in awestruck wonder at His beauty of creation. I want to look at old photographs and reminisce about the days that are gone and laugh and see how much I've changed. I want to laugh and laugh until I cry and my lungs feel like its going to burst.

I want to live each day like it has a purpose, because each day does.

xoxo, elvyna.

Baby steps.

From the Gallery of modern art (GOMA), Glasgow.

Just got back from a 5 day trip up north to Glasgow for my Easter Break. Such a short trip but had time to relax and just chill out with friends. Starting tomorrow, I've got to work hard and start studying for my Intermediates and OSCE exams already. No more playing and procrastinating. Got to remember the purpose I'm here in the first place.

Maybe sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same.

xoxo, elvyna.