When you turn your back on everything you've ever said.

Have you ever been so lost?
Know the way and still so lost?
Another night waiting for someone to take me home
Have you ever been so lost?
Is there a light, is there a light at the end of the road?
I'm pushing everyone away cos' I can't feel this anymore.

Things have not been working out at all for me. There's so much confusion, so much hurt, so much pain I don't even know where to begin. Firstly, you've really done it man, I gotta congratulate you. Finally, what you wanted all this while. Congrats for shutting me out completely. I gotta say, you really did make it so much easier than you made it sound. You asked me once, "Why should I care for someone who doesn't care for me?" I knew you stopped caring a long long time ago. I'm just not like you. I won't be able to do that. Never would be able to. Thanks for teaching me how people can change. One minute, they're your best friend-apparently, the next, a total stranger. Thanks for teaching me that people can fail you. People WILL fail you.period.

Ignore me all you want. Ignore me forever if you can. I really don't have the strength to give a damn anymore. I really really honestly thought we were friends, at the very least. You even made it sound and made me believe that we could be best friends. I was so naive in believing you. What happened then? I don't know. I don't think I bother to know anymore. All the things you said, none you kept. I guess it has come to this, from now onwards, you go your way, I'll go mine.

Why do people fall in love so easily? I'm not saying it's a bad thing but I mean, what happened to getting to know the person more and knowing their likes and dislikes? To all those you-know-who-you-are people, I'm not ready to get into a relationship now. I'm really really sorry. It's so hard to say when I'm face to face, so I hope this would explain it clearly. You're really sweet and nice and all, but I just can't be with you. Not now, not anytime soon. I really hope we can still be friends. I've been losing friends so easily lately I can't afford to lose another one. It really hurts when something so beautiful like a friendship can end up so bad. I don't want anymore friendships to be ruined. I don't want that to happen :( Understand that please.

And to you, I will never ever date guys 20 years or more older than me so would you just please PLEASE- i'm begging you, leave me alone! You're beginning to scare me.sighs.

And lastly, you. I'm sorry I snapped that day. I mean, you were always asking me to do this and that and this and that. I just well, reached the limit. sighs. But I know it was very immature to just not talk to you suddenly, so I'm sorry because of that. I hope everything will be alright.

Sorry this is a long and wordy post. I just can't keep it all in anymore. I don't want to explode with all these emotions once I can't handle it anymore.

Show me your way O God. Your ways are not my ways, and your plans are not my plans. Give me strength to live each day without breaking down and without making people around me who care worry. Give me strength to move on. Give me strength to forgive and forget. Just give me your strength dear Father, I'm nothing without you.

xoxo, elvyna.

P/s## I really really wish you're back here now T. Really. I need you more than ever now. Things are just so different without you around. I don't think I can cope and handle this THING I'm going through anymore :(