Missing him.

It's been a while.

xoxo, elvyna.

Reminiscing.

Found my old journal from 2008 a couple of days ago and spent time reading through it again. I've definitely come a long way since then looking back now. I was such an emotional wreck and it kinda got in the way of a lot of things.

It was also the year where I experienced my first death in the family, which broke me.
Even though it all seemed so tough during the time, in retrospect now, I really thank God for being there through it all and bringing me to where I am today.

Just to end things in this post, and also to prove how much of an emotional wreck I used to be, here's an excerpt from my journal:

" The first thing I do when I wake up is think of you,
Your smile, your touch, everything that makes you you,
But right now, the feeling's not right, 
You're not mine to keep anymore.
You said we're over, you've got to move on, 
Left me behind even though you said you'll never let go,
Hardships and sorrows are mine alone to face now,
Your warm hugs and comforting arms now seem so far away.

Who am I to you? How much do I mean, I really want to know,
Cos' you still mean the world to me, same as when I first loved you. "

Ah, and the memories come flooding back.

xoxo, elvyna.

Pleased.

It turned out to be one of the best Mondays I've ever had in a long long time. 

Got a mini-CEX form signed off by a gastroenterology consultant and his feedback for me is that I'll definitely make it, definitely pass medical school and become a doctor because he said with some people you just know, and I'm one of those people to him. He said I'm way above what he would expect from a medical student in the way I communicate and talk to patients.

Those were the most encouraging and motivational words a consultant has ever told me since I started medical school. And obviously, he gave me really good marks on my examination. After that I went to the Acute Medical Unit (AMU) for a while to try and get some clinical skills signed off before I head home.

The FY1 there was so friendly and nice that he got me to do an Arterial Blood Gas (ABG) for the first time ever, even though I warned him that I haven't done it before in my life. He talked me through it and watched me do it. Amazingly, I was calm and wasn't shaking all over like the first time I ever put a cannula in :/

I hit the bone though when I put the needle in and the patient said it hurt a lot. Ooops. After wiggling it around a little bit more, blood start pulsating into the syringe and I was so relieved and happy! (: The FY1 said I did really well for a first-timer and even asked me to continue taking the patient's bloods to run blood tests on. Did a cannula as well on a lovely old lady who was slightly confused.

Was a very productive day, and to end it, I came home and exercised! Exercising and just getting my sweat on does make me really happy so no matter how tired I am, I try to squeeze it in to my daily routine. Attempted the 1000 rep challenge but only managed max 500. Not too bad for a first timer I guess. It was so intense I was dripping and drenched in sweat once I was done.

Happy days like these make me feel so contented. Thank You God for answering my prayers (:

xoxo, elvyna.

Plateau.

So today's just one of those days where I'm not feeling all too great about myself. Didn't go in to the hospital for ward rounds today but went in a little bit later to study in the library and left at around 3pm. I just feel like things are becoming so routine now with medicine that I'm not actually enjoying it as much as I know I used to/should. Also, the fact that people (eg. consultants, registrars, etc.) ignore me when I'm in the ward round isn't helping as well.

I know it's supposed to be my own initiative and everything else but omg, seriously? It's not like I haven't been trying to help the team out or do stuffs in the wards. Sigh. rant rant rant.

Medical school, oh how I loathe and love you altogether at the same time. It's truly a mystery I doubt I'll ever solve. But for now, two more weeks until I get to be home!

Looking forward to happier days (:

xoxo, elvyna.

Clean eating lifestyle.

So for those of you who don't already know from my Instagram and stuffs, I've recently (well, not so recently actually) decided to change my lifestyle and eating habits to strive and become a fitter version of myself. And guess what? I'm actually liking it and seeing results!

So I go to (try to) the gym about 4-5 times a week and normally I'll do an hour of weight training/ circuit training and then I'll end with cardio where I just run on the treadmill for a minimum of 5km. And by that time I'll be so drenched in sweat and feeling awesome!

Then I look forward to going home and preparing some kickass healthy, protein-packed meal to replenish what I've lost at the gym. I normally work with the same ingredients but I just try to find different things to prepare them with. 

A meal I love: Avocado (all time fav!) on crackerbread with mozarella and tomato slices and turkey breast chunks + sausages on the side.

Something similar using the same ingredients but its a salad on the bottom.

My dessert/snack whenever I'm craving for anything sweet. Healthy, natural and yum! (:

Hope I'll continue to see more results and burn all the fats away!

xoxo, elvyna.

twenty-three.

Have been really busy with hospital and stuffs and haven't been blogging for a while now. Will try and get back in the business and routine of blogging but for now, just some update with pics from my birthday last week! Had a nice quiet lovely dinner with friends at a Greek restaurant which served amazing food (:

With the store bought cake after failed attempts by Lilian and Albert to bake me something. Still appreciate the thought though (:

Who says you can't be silly at 23? :D

xoxo, elvyna.

Crap.

That's how I feel after a day in the hospital today. I know I'm JUST a medical student, I know I'm at the bottom of the hierarchy and I can't do anything helpful/productive in the wards like the other legit doctors. You think I don't know all that? I do know all that. But that doesn't mean I shouldn't be treated like a human being. You don't just ask a student to "Go away" or shout at them in the presence of patients and parents. That's just unprofessional.

Sigh.

I could go on a rant spree about today and the details but I'd rather not. Praying so hard through the tears right now that God will calm me and forgive them and help them deal with what ever they are going through now that has made them so bitter and mean. Also praying that tomorrow will be a better day.

Chin up.

xoxo, elvyna.