if you want a rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.

It really hasn't been the best day ever. I'm so emotionally drained. sigh. Have you ever wished you knew how to feel better again after a really sad episode? I have, today. I just want to be happy, is that so hard to ask? screw this. I'm gonna try to be happy. I am, i am i am. Even if it means being all alone.

xoxo, elvyna.

stay with me tonight.

Bittersweet.

That's how I feel bout leaving. I know I know, I'll adapt, I'll make new friends, it'll all turn out well. I'll be busy with studies, postings, adapting to the place and people. But somehow, it just won't be the same :( *sigh* Even the thought of leaving makes me want to stay back, somehow. That's not an option though.

5 years. They say time flies, I'm not sure how true it is in my context though. Time passes really slowly for me.

Well, at least it's a reset button. Time to leave the past behind and create a better future.

xoxo, elvyna.

This ain't a long song, this IS goodbye.

Tonight, I'm starting to pack my luggage to UK. Staring at my clothes and everything else in my room, I wonder how i'm gonna fit 20+ years of my life into a luggage bag :(

So what have I put into my bag so far?

12 Brand's Chicken Essence and lots of Milo 3 in 1. Not bad for starters eh?

I'm going to bed now. I'll continue another day. This packing thing is tiring me out. tah!

xoxo, elvyna.

i told you the blackbox was actually orange.

Its funny, the games life plays. When you thought you've missed your chance, 4 years later, things come around again. What can I say? I'm at a loss for words. Need to get down with some serious thinking. But then again, it gives me the headaches. How now brown cow? :(

Anyways, it just hit me real hard today that I'm leaving soon. In about 2 weeks. This is really really sad. argh. I'll miss my family and friends. I'll miss everything. Let me list down things I'll miss. I'll miss the kids from Sunday school who always makes my day. I'll miss singing in church. I'll miss the convenience of just going anywhere with my car. I'll miss One U. I'll miss the feeling of security I get just waking up and being in a familiar place.

Heck, its a darn reset button to my life going to UK. Let's hope its worth it.

xoxo, elvyna.

i just can't live a lie.

"We fell in love, despite our differences, and once we did, something rare and beautiful was created. For me, love like that has only happens once, and that's why every minute we spent together has been seared in my memory. I'll never forget a single moment of it."


I've always loved Nicholas Spark's novels ever since I was in secondary school and started reading his books with my best friend, Tiffanie. I think I've read almost every one of his books. Recently, I just finished reading The Last Song by him. It was a good book. Actually, I know why I like his books. Everytime after i finish reading one, I get this warm, cozy, tingly feeling inside. Its like I somehow get reassured and know that true love does exist. I know, i know, fictional characters and storylines and plots..

but then again, it must somehow exist right, for the author to write about it so convincingly and how it touches your heart, or maybe even deeper, the soul.

Well, just doing lots of thinking tonight. Does true love exist? I used to believe it did, but now, I'm 50-50 about it.

I'm still hoping it is though, and the hopes are reassured everytime I read a good love story.

xoxo, elvyna.

Nothing on earth is as beautiful as You.

From today onwards, I'm trying to learn to stop complaining about what I don't have in life and be thankful for what I've got. A close friend reminded me to always look at the bright side of things. Simple thought, but makes a whole lot of difference. Open my eyes Lord. To the beauty of this world, to the blessings You've poured and given me in my life. Blessings I don't and never will deserve. Blessings given only by Your grace.

I've got to stop focusing on myself and start focusing on things that matter more. God. Friends. Family. I want to touch lives around me. Although I may hurt at times, suffer in pain from what life throws at me, there's nothing strong enough that I can't get over. Not with Him on my side. Not with Him comforting me along the way. Not with His love. His love that surpasses everything I know. So learn to trust in Him again. Surrender it all. To Him. There's nothing I can achieve on my own. I pray I become a stronger person. I pray I appreciate everything I've been given in this life and not take anything for granted.


You captured my heart with this love.
He did. He really did.

xoxo, elvyna.

there is no guarantee, that this life is easy.

Everything keeps replaying again and again in my head. Each time I think about it, it hurts. I want to be emotionless again. Like how it was the past few months. I feel so fragile, so vulnerable again. I don't like this. I'm doing the one thing I know how to do and the one thing that makes me stop thinking. STUDY. sigh. Who knew I'd have to resort to this?

Damn freaking emo la today. arrrggghhh! I just want to scream!

Dad's angry at me (with a valid reason also I don't blame him), mum'll be angry soon I think, and grandma's disappointed in me. I can't stand letting down people around me. It's so unintentional :( :( I'm so sorry. It's my fault. It always is.

I want this to STOP.

xoxo, elvyna.