Break Down. Major break down.

I've been feeling really emo lately. Today especially. I don't know what's gotten into me. I'm not usually like that. It must be the buildup of everything, everything in my life, people around me, things like that. Before all these incidences happened, I always thought I had it in me to take it all in. Just take everything in, I thought I was strong enough and patient enough, but after everything that's happened, I realized it, I'm weak. I don't know if I've gotten weaker over the years, become less patient, but I really try. I do. I've always lived by the saying,`Do unto others what you want them do to you.' It never occurred to me not to help people when they need my help, unless I really can't help them. I was just "made" this way. I can't say NO.

I always thought there would be a day I need people the same way they need me now, that's why I listen to people, care for them. Some people take it the wrong way, some take advantage of me, some really do care, some say things they don't mean just to hurt me, some pretend, and some, I really don't know. I really appreciate those who really care. I do. Aargh!

It's soooo hard. Maybe I think too much, maybe I worry too much or maybe, life's just like that. It throws obstacles at you, wishing you to be stronger and better after you come out of it, but you know what LIFE? I'm not gonna come out of this one. Not yet at least. It's a tough obstacle you threw at me. A really, really tough one. I'm not going to ask "why me? why not someone else?", I'm over that phase. It's time to face it. I just don't think I'll be strong enough. Not now, not here, not with the people around me. I miss T. I miss the times we had. I miss jsut being able to run to her for anything or nothing at all. Why did things change? :(

I think if everyone leaves me now, I'll just curl up in a corner and cry, cry like there's no tomorrow. I'm going to bed now. I need a hug badly. I need someone to tell me, assure me it's gonna be a new day tomorrow, everything will be better. I need a rainbow after the rain. That's what I need. Right now, I need to cry.

xoxo, elvyna.