scareeeyy:(

You know you're being stalked by some unknown person when the same number keeps calling your phone for the past 2 weeks and when you pick up, you hear someone breathing but no one replies..

and also, you get messages from random people in facebook..

FREAKY! :(
p/s # Baskin's tomoro.

xoxo, elvyna.

Don't you see I'm not the only one for you, But you're the only one for me.

July's ending. I can't wait. It's been the worst month ever in my whole entire life. Depression depression depression. But hey, August is coming. Looking forward to some days. yea. Sighs. I'm taking this day by day. Thanks for all those who've been very encouraging. It's nice to know people care. yup yup.

But I'm learning to see things from a different perspective now. The bigger picture the way he puts it. What ever has happened definitely happened for a reason. No point regretting and complaining. I just need time to stop breaking down and crying. I just need to embrace the heartbreak and pain and learn, learn to be stronger, learn to mature, learn everything i've overlooked before. And I'm sure once I've done that, I'll become a better person. And he will too in time. And then who knows?

When the timing's right, the person's right, under God's plan....

Anything can happen :)

xoxo, elvyna.

安靜

只剩下鋼琴陪我談了一天, 睡著的大提琴
安靜的舊舊的, 我想你已表現的非常明白
我懂我也知道, 你沒有捨不得,

你說你也會難過我不相信
牽著你陪著 我也只是曾經
希望他是真的比我還要愛你
我才會逼自己離開

你要我說多難堪, 我根本不想分開
為什麼還要我用微笑來帶過
我沒有這種天份, 包容你也接受他
不用擔心的太多, 我會一直好好過

你已經遠遠離開, 我也會慢慢走開
為什麼我連分開都遷就著你
我真的沒有天份, 安靜的沒這麼快
我會學著放棄你, 是因為我太愛你

xoxo, elvyna.

Time has a way of taking back everything we thought we had.

Suddenly, the world I thought which was smooth-sailing and perfect came crashing down on me. The one person I thought I knew and understood just crushed, CRUSHED everything I ever believed and committed in. I dont know what to feel. I can literally hear my heart breaking. I dont want to cry anymore, I really dont, but I cant help it. Who knew it'll leave such an impact? I guess you'll never know how much someone means to you until the day you lose them. Never let go, that's all I can say.

Things cannot get any crappier. But yea, it will. Trust life to throw something bigger at you when you're down and weak.

Broke down again today. For the 130853146031 time. sigh. Get a hold of yourself el. SIGH*

Whirlwind of Depression.

The past week has been the longest week ever. I dont know what else there is to say. People change. In a duration of one night, many things can happen. I wish I could turn back time. Everything. What has to be said has already been said. I just, i dont know..

Suddenly I'm all alone in this disaster. And for once, I don't think I'm strong enough to save myself. I'm just gonna sink into this disaster, let it devour me. Who cares?

I'm leading into depression. Someone get me anti-depressants.

Sadly missed and loved but forever remembered.

Things just happened so quickly. One day he was fine, the next, he just wasn't here anymore. I'm talking bout my grandpa. He passed away last Thursday at 6.45pm. He went peacefully on his bed at home. Grandma and Bryan were there with him during his last moments. SIGH. I really don't know what else to say. The next few days after his passing were just hectic. Funeral wake service held for two nights at Xiao En centre in Cheras, His body and coffin sent for cremation yesterday, collected his remains today and placed it in an urn, went to Nilai Memorial Park and placed it in his niche. He's in a better place now. I'm happy for him, I really am. I just want him to know I really miss him here and I love him, something I've never told him before.

I'll never forget you grandpa.
I miss you so badly, I miss the things you do, the way you complain bout little little things, your favourite foods,etc..
I'll cherish those memories you've left me with for the past 18+ years of my life.
You've seen me grow up, from a pesky little kid to a teenager today, you've taught me lessons in life, values which I'll remember forever.
I love you grandpa, things just won't be the same without you around anymore, just so you know.
I'll take care of grandma, don't you worry. I'll make you proud. See you when I see you.

xoxo, elvyna.

Break Down. Major break down.

I've been feeling really emo lately. Today especially. I don't know what's gotten into me. I'm not usually like that. It must be the buildup of everything, everything in my life, people around me, things like that. Before all these incidences happened, I always thought I had it in me to take it all in. Just take everything in, I thought I was strong enough and patient enough, but after everything that's happened, I realized it, I'm weak. I don't know if I've gotten weaker over the years, become less patient, but I really try. I do. I've always lived by the saying,`Do unto others what you want them do to you.' It never occurred to me not to help people when they need my help, unless I really can't help them. I was just "made" this way. I can't say NO.

I always thought there would be a day I need people the same way they need me now, that's why I listen to people, care for them. Some people take it the wrong way, some take advantage of me, some really do care, some say things they don't mean just to hurt me, some pretend, and some, I really don't know. I really appreciate those who really care. I do. Aargh!

It's soooo hard. Maybe I think too much, maybe I worry too much or maybe, life's just like that. It throws obstacles at you, wishing you to be stronger and better after you come out of it, but you know what LIFE? I'm not gonna come out of this one. Not yet at least. It's a tough obstacle you threw at me. A really, really tough one. I'm not going to ask "why me? why not someone else?", I'm over that phase. It's time to face it. I just don't think I'll be strong enough. Not now, not here, not with the people around me. I miss T. I miss the times we had. I miss jsut being able to run to her for anything or nothing at all. Why did things change? :(

I think if everyone leaves me now, I'll just curl up in a corner and cry, cry like there's no tomorrow. I'm going to bed now. I need a hug badly. I need someone to tell me, assure me it's gonna be a new day tomorrow, everything will be better. I need a rainbow after the rain. That's what I need. Right now, I need to cry.

xoxo, elvyna.

Sabah Trip Part 2

The first group pic we took there :)

Weeee! Me taller than steeeky friend! :) (Like DUH!)
Labooooooo! :P
Beautifoool sunsets to get you thinking.

(l-r): Joann's Popo, Joann's mummy, lilian, me.
Scary emo clouds:( It rained after that. Bukit Padang (if i recall correctly) for jogging. haha. 2.1 km a round. Lilian and I did 2!!! GREAT achievement :D
This is like my best scenery pic from Sabah!! :)

Well, that's bout it. All in all, an unforgettable trip. Maybe it was the food, maybe it was the beach, maybe it was all that, but maybe, it was the friends :)

xoxo,elvyna.

Sabah Trip Part 1

So I went to Sabah for my Community Oriented Project (COP) and also for holidays. Left on 25th June. Went with Lilian and Jon. Lilian and I, well, we KINDA overpacked. haha. I'm lazy to type. So just look at the pictures, will ya?My bag (dark blue) and Lilian's (the other one la).Me, Lilian, Jon in an AirAsia plane. It was so boring I think we played chor tai ti for an hour. And in that hour, I won like 5 times, i think :SThe stuffs I brought along. Not too many rite???:)Gardening at Cheshire Home for our COP.Me, Lilian, Joann ( Lilian and I stayed in her place in KK).

Joshua, Joann, Lilian, Jonathan (He stayed in Amos' house). All of us with Jennifer who runs Cheshire Home.

Then we went fishing. My first time!! Was pretty fun sitting on the rocks staring out into the big blue (and clear!) sea. It was raining, well, drizzling but we had umbrellas so I guess it wasnt that bad.
The view from where we were sitting to fish. Beautiful kan? :) Lilian and I.

Amos caught a fish (which was tiny and later used as a bait by Jon). Jon and Josh didn't have much luck. It started raining more heavily so we left early that day. More fishing tales up ahead :)

And what is a holiday without the sandy beaches, sun, sunblock and the sorts?
The view at Nexus beach.
Lilian and I. (I know, i know, by now there are sooo many pics of Lilian and I, but I can't help it that we take nice pics-haha. kidding)Amos and I. One of the few decent pics he actually smiled properly in :) haha. People-watching :)

Seafood in Sabah!! It's much much cheaper there in Sabah than it is here in KL. And it isn't too bad either ..

Prawns. I love the yellow yellow buttery thingy. Dunno what it is exactly though :S
Sweet Sour crab i think. Or was it spicy ??
Butter Milk crab. Tasted like Campbell's mushroom soup. haha.
Soft-shelled crab which was yummy!

Went to Jo's church on Sunday- Glory Christian Centre (GCC).After that had an awesome lunch with her dad (note: more seafood) and then her dad brought us up to Bukit Bendera (a hilltop) where one could see the whole city of KK. or at least I think it was the whole KK city...
Quite lazy to continue dee. Still lots more pics but I'm yet to get them from Lilian. Yup. Soon people, soon :)

xoxo, elvyna.