Ever felt like you were being taken forgranted (again and again and again, sometimes) ?
Unfortunately, I have many experiences on instances of being too "nice", which makes me think if it's actually me being genuinely genial or me just being incompetent in speaking up. And I'm not just talking about little things – but bigger things, like with relationships. In some ways, I feel that it's actually an act of benevolence: I'd rather feel discomfort than impose that on someone else. Sometimes I take the blame or stay quiet, believing that one way or another the truth will surface. But in other ways, maybe I'm just plain wimpy to stick up for myself.
Truth is, it's a bit of both. I'm sort of a "big picture" person, so I often easily persevere little things when I see the greater good in it. I know that even if it feels a little unfair or disadvantage me right now, somehow it will benefit me or someone else in the end. Also, I tend to strongly believe that people will somehow appreciate and acknowledge what I've done for them in time. On the other side, truthfully, I am scared. I know that when I speak strongly about something, that means I need to take responsibility for the consequences. It's not always easy to stick up for yourself, you know. If you're going to challenge something, you better be ready to fight. And when it comes to fighting, I'd rather lose to avoid it altogether.
So am I a saint for being able to stomach personal discomfort for the benefit of someone else or am I a loser for being completely non-confrontational? Hmm.. I guess it comes down to balance. I think it's about developing confidence and assurance in myself, while being considerate and attentive of others' needs too. In the end, it's about finding my own voice, while also being able to harmonize with the people around you too. I think that's where my solution lies.
Truth is, it's a bit of both. I'm sort of a "big picture" person, so I often easily persevere little things when I see the greater good in it. I know that even if it feels a little unfair or disadvantage me right now, somehow it will benefit me or someone else in the end. Also, I tend to strongly believe that people will somehow appreciate and acknowledge what I've done for them in time. On the other side, truthfully, I am scared. I know that when I speak strongly about something, that means I need to take responsibility for the consequences. It's not always easy to stick up for yourself, you know. If you're going to challenge something, you better be ready to fight. And when it comes to fighting, I'd rather lose to avoid it altogether.
So am I a saint for being able to stomach personal discomfort for the benefit of someone else or am I a loser for being completely non-confrontational? Hmm.. I guess it comes down to balance. I think it's about developing confidence and assurance in myself, while being considerate and attentive of others' needs too. In the end, it's about finding my own voice, while also being able to harmonize with the people around you too. I think that's where my solution lies.
But then again, at the end of the day, it's always much easier said than done :(
xoxo, elvyna.
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