I think crazy when I'm sick.

So I was sick the past couple of weeks and all and during that period of time, I came up with a BRILLIANT IDEA! or so, I like to believe (:

Anyways, I'm going to come up with a list of 21 things to do before my 21st birthday this year, which is in October if ya'll don't know. Ok, so the 21 things, can include anything crazy/out of this world, but not too overboard. Just 21 stuffs I would never ever EVER think of doing, EVER!!!! .I think you get the picture. HAHA (: The reason I'm coming up with this list of things is because I'm gonna become an adult soon and I just want to do everything crazy before I turn 21 officially. Well, it's not like I won't do anything crazy after I turn 21 but its just er, don't really know how to explain it properly la. Wtv :P

SO, I need help in coming up with suggestions on the 21 things to do, so far I've gotten response from a few close friends and I'll take them into consideration (except Isaac's list, because well, it's Isaac -nothing on his list I can do without going against my principles and conscience. LOL. i'm just kidding. or maybe i'm not. haha. -_-).

Anyways, I thought of ONE thing already, i.e. To have a fish meal!!!! (disclaimer: I don't eat/never eat/hate to eat fish.) Help me out here guys who read this blog! Your suggestions will be appreciated. Thanks!(:

xoxo, elvyna.

I'm stupid because..

1) I became even more guilty than someone who committed a crime just because I knew about it and saw it happening.
2) I know I need to study but I let things distract me/I find reasons not to study.
3) I become everyone's crying shoulder when I'm not even in the right mind to do so.
4) I listen to every single person's problems and try to fix it for them just because I feel bad if I don't.
5) I get into situations I shouldn't get into because I don't know how to prevent them from happening.
6) I've got so many friends around me but when someone asks me who my real friends are, the ones I tell everything to, hang out with and pour my heart out to, I can't name anyone.
7) I care so much that people's problems become my problems.
8) I can't even have a proper relationship with anyone.

FML.


How I wish I could see a rainbow now. It'll make things better, so much better :(

xoxo, elvyna.

we could've been extraordinary together, rather than ordinary apart.

Something someone nice sent to me. Haha. Not intended for me though, duh.

I had Sushi Zanmai's soft shell crab maki today. It's weird thinking back on the many events that transpired since I last had it. How my life has changed since then! hmm. Anyways.... Iron Man 2 and Ip Man 2 is coming out tomorrow! I wanna watch, but I've got to study and the cinema'll probably be full for the next couple of weeks :( *sigh*

I need more sleep. 2 hours a day isn't doing me any good. I'm gonna crash soon :( stupid insomnia.

xoxo, elvyna.

Time can't erase a feeling this strong.

I cried today. *sigh* I was just so pissed and angry I couldn't take it anymore. The tears just started flowing after that, but just for a while. I always wonder why God created me like that. Why can't I shout at the person who made me angry like any normal angry person would do? Why can't I scream and stomp off or raise my voice like I should? But NO, I just cry when I'm really really angry. There's something really wrong with the way I express anger :(

Why was I THAT angry you ask? Long story which I don't really want to repeat cos' it'll just make me feel sad. Anyways, I figured something out today when I was angry. That as much as I love and care for the people around me, it's time I stopped caring so much. It's time for me to start loving myself back. I've realized that for the longest time now, I've just been giving, giving so much of myself- my time, my efforts, my emotions,etc. to so many people. At the end of the day, I'm left with nothing much for myself, and where does that leave me? All emotional and depressed and too tired to love and care for myself.

So here's the deal. I'm gonna stop caring so much and start loving myself more. I mean, I guess until I really learn how to love myself, who am I to love others right? Well, that's just my take on it. Life's lessons man. Sad but true. (I already sound so selfish saying this) :(

Anyway, here's a quote I kinda like:
Love is like a movie – you cannot dislike a wonderful movie with a bad ending – it’s just not possible to feel sad and angry about the bad ending if the rest of the movie felt like a dream.

xoxo, elvyna.

Was it something that I didn't say, when I didn't say I love you.

Ecclesiastes 3:11
He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end.

And so it just happened.

A church member's dad just passed away from cancer today. My condolences to her and her family. *sigh* I hate that word. We've been praying for him every single week for a while now. After I heard the news, my heart just dropped. I don't know why. I'm not even that close to that church member or her dad for that matter but I guess I know how it feels. How it feels to lose someone you really care about and love to that disease. Suddenly, I feel the same hurt I felt when it happened to me but to a much lesser extent.

Sometimes, I guess we'll just never know God's plans for us or the people around us. It's so scary that it takes incidents like this to remind us time and time again how short life really is. That it could just end when you least expect it to. That nothing is really worth holding on to :(

I guess I'll take this as a reminder to teach me to cherish and treasure the people around me. To love like there's no tomorrow. Don't leave any words unsaid, any actions undone. Don't hold grudges, learn to forgive, it's liberating in a way. You feel like doing something, do it. Don't give an opportunity for regret to get in the picture. Then in the end, you'll know, there wasn't any way you could have done it better because you did give it your best shot and there are no regrets.

You've only got one life, live it. Live it right.

Lamentations 3:32
Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love.

xoxo, elvyna.

Told you from the start, I'm only gonna break your heart.

Down with the worst flu and cough I've had in a while, but surprisingly, it's not making me feel any more depressed than I normally do when I'm sick. I'm just really tired and well, my nose hurts from all the rubbing I feel it's gonna drop off soon :/ So I bit my lips and tongue a few times when I sneezed (over 50 times) today. Gosh, I'm gonna wake up with ulcers :( Ah well, I'm strong and I'll get better soon. Just kinda unhappy with my PBL facilitator cos' she kinda asked me not to go for PBLs if I'm sick in case I have H1N1 and i might spread it to others (mainly her!). PFFT!

So many things have been happening lately I don't even know where to begin telling my story. Maybe I shouldn't. I'm too lazy to. Hmm. Been getting the momentum to study lately albeit it being a bit slow, but better some than none right? I just realized I've got about 50+ more days left in IMU. It just hit me that day and I got super emotional :( :(

I'm gonna miss the people, not the place. The people who've helped to shape me into the person I am today. What would I do without you guys? aaah. I'll miss everyone. I think I'm gonna cry when I do leave :( Happy times.

Glimpses of my life in IMU
~new place, new people, meet friends, make acquaintances, become treasurer, get in a relationship, break up, make up, break up for real, move on, semester start, workload piles, study, late nights in library, lunches and dinners together, road trips, food escapades, CF, finding a family in uni, silly things we do, laughters and tears, cheerleading, cell group, relationships, antisocial period, meeting juniors, colour pens, mashed potato, honey green tea jelly drink, vegetarian food, best friends, buddies (all kinds, but I love each one of 'em) , exams, results, OSPE, OSCE, milk teas, CSU, PBL, ahh. and the list goes on.~

Sweet memories I will cherish (:

xoxo, elvyna.

No wise words gonna stop the bleeding.

Made strawberry cheese tarts this time round. They look pretty good though I haven't tasted it yet. The base is browner this time and my whole kitchen smells like cheesecake. Heck, even I smell like cheesecake. I like smelling like what I bake (: weird fetish I know but I'm just weird that way.


xoxo, elvyna.

I'm officially missing you.

So IMU held a ball on the 10th of April. Decided to go after being peer pressured by friends. Anyways, it was pretty fun at the ball and the performances were good. Thanks Pseuds for all the hard work! (: So, typical of a ball, a gazillion pics were taken throughout the night.

Here's like 10% of the gazillion (random, not in any order) :
Btw, I can't increase the size of the pic cos it's not taken with my SLR but the digicam so it'll be really pixelated. sorry :/

Lilian and I.Goodie bag.
I like this pic cos it makes me look tall (: oh, with hung yew and khoon hau.
Benedict (ex-cempakan and fellow IMU-ian)
Goodest friend Jien.
Darling Shafina (:
Awesome co-leader in CG, Jae Ric.
Hong Kong best friend, ManLo.
l-r: Joo Hor, Emi, Rachel, KorWoi, Elvyna, Monica.
Wong Chee Leong :D neighbours at ball!
Beautiful Zia.
Darn Amos, I still cant be taller than him even with my heels :(
Yusri, ex-cempakan/IMU-ian/Michael Jackson/best performer of the night
Gorgeous Faye! (:
Tiang Kor Woi aka Pseuds.
Steek and Robeans (ok, its Robyn but I like calling her beans! ) I'm glad she made it to Ball (:
Sweetheart Amanda. Looking pretty and all dolled up.
The one and only, Chong Ian. 'nuff said.

Ok. Enough of all the partying and ball and nonsense! Time to get serious and study. Bleh :/
WARNING: Lifeless days ahead :(

xoxo, elvyna.

Dear heart, you've let me down, searched for love where it can't be found.

Made cheese tarts and tart-lets (baby tarts) just now! First time making and it tastes nice though it doesn't look that attractive (I'm damn noob in making it shaped like a tart :/) . Burnt my middle finger whilst baking though :/ I'll definitely make more of these soon. They're so easy to make!

xoxo, elvyna.

photo diary on my way to school at 7am.

Because I deserve much better.

xoxo, elvyna.