angels cry.

Many things over the past couple of weeks reminded me of so much. So much things I've let pass me by, so much happiness I could've experienced, so much in this world I could've tried if only I dared to. But it isn't easy, knowing there's a path I have to take yet knowing I'll regret the one I leave behind. Sometimes I feel so drowned in this dilemma.

Can I not make a choice? Just let things be and let life slowly take its course? Must I make a decision?

I need to start being me again. I need to notice, once again, the colourful things that used to brighten up my day. I need to smile like I truly mean it. I need to move forward. I want to, but, it's just so hard. I just want to get away from all this :(

xoxo, elvyna.

once upon a time.

xoxo, elvyna.

you made me feel like summer was here everyday, but now its just my wishful thinking.

I like days like today, where it rains at night. I like the sound of the raindrops on my window pane, I like the smell of rain. I like how rain makes me feel like it's okay to cry. I like how rain covers up the fact that you're crying.

xoxo, elvyna.

sometimes all it takes is a small gesture of love (:

Received this beautiful velvety rose today from the most adorable guy I've ever met. The way he gave it to me and the way he said those things he said just made my heart melt. So sweet and sincere. I miss feeling this way. This made me smile the whole day.

Moments like these make me feel thankful for being able to teach Sunday School. Oh, did I mention my 8 year old student gave me this? CUTEST.KID.EVER.

xoxo, elvyna.

Love is impossible.

I'm not your princess, this ain't a fairytale.

My stomach is killing me :( :( One drop of spicy food in there and all hell breaks loose for my stomach. It's so painful :( :( How can I live not eating spicy food when that's all I've ever wanted to eat since forever?? *sigh* The pain is more uncomfortable and worst than period cramps, that's how bad it is :(

I just bathed my sexy baby. He's back! Miss him so much and I was so happy today knowing I would be able to see and feel him in my hands again. He's brand new, well, at least he looks like it. No more dents, scratches. Memories can sometimes be erased in this form, I guess. Although sometimes I find myself missing how my car was before this. Well, it held memories. Oh btw, I was talking bout' my Vios, in case you were wondering :D

I've got so many things to do, and so little time. I'm beginning to get stressed. PMS matching, GP report, Comm Med portfolio, PBLs, House Funds reimbursement, CG preparations, etc. wait, let me rephrase that- I'm EXTREMELY stressed :( :(

xoxo, elvyna.

Remembering the good, leaving the bad.

It isn't easy to have made the decision I just did, but it was really something I had to do. What's the point in holding a grudge and putting blames? What's done is done and if I just wiped away the tears and looked at it from a different perspective not surrounded by my own dark cloud of sadness, it really does seem to make sense. The bigger picture is really easier to see when I pray about it. Prayed for wisdom to see how this whole thing could make any sense and tonight, I see.

I guess despite it all, I've really grown so much, to be independent (in a way), to stand on my own two feet, to love without expectations. And honestly, I've gotten stronger. More than I can imagine. But now, I know it's okay to have loved and lost, it's okay to have your heart broken when things don't work out, cause there's always a silver lining. What's life if you hold back? Live it to the fullest. It's really true. Feel everything you've got to feel. I've learned so much and I'm so grateful and thankful. There isn't any resentment, really. There never was.

So for now, I need to shoo the emoness away, and take it one step at a time, or as my best friend puts it, take babysteps. Little by little, I'll be able to let go. It'll be hard, but that's life, there are ups and downs. I just gotta learn to accept them both and make the best out of every situation I may be in. Suddenly, I really am convinced that I'm all grown up, matured in a way I never thought I would be.

I thank God for being with me through it all. If it wasn't for Him, I'll be in a really bad state. Prayers really do work miracles and to know that someone actually understands me inside out, that alone can bring me through so much.

And I just wish that as the dust settles, things will be back to the way it used to be way before. It's too precious and dear to my heart for me to lose. I'll always love you, but like I said, a different kinda love (:

xoxo, elvyna.

:(

What I'm feeling right now. I just want to fall asleep with dry eyes.

you're the swing set, i'm the kid that falls.

Packed cookies up in pretty colourful packages for people in Cell Group tonight. Hope they like it! (:
Anyways, it's really boring when you have no car, been stuck at home.. AGAIN. And I'm really not productive AT ALL when I'm home. Well, at least I managed to play the piano again today after so long.

Currently addicted to:
- Speechless; Lady Gaga
- If we ever meet again; Timbaland feat. Katy Perry
- Hey Soul Sister; Train
- Maybe; Ingrid Michaelson
- Let Me In; Zee Avi

xoxo, elvyna.

it's all a part of my plot.

Baked Chocolate Chunk Cookies today with a recipe a friend in IMU gave me. Love the combination of bread flour and plain flour which made the texture softer but chewier than previous cookies I've made. And the recipe produced about 300+ cookies (most of anything I've ever made). Supposed to make the cookies bigger but I prefer 'em bite-sized. Oh, and I bought a 1kg bar of dark chocolate to add in and my brother helped me coarsely chop it. It's so much better than using choc chips! Gives that uneven texture and the surprise you get when you find a large chunk of chocolate inside the cookie (:

Come get cookies from me anyone who wants some! I've made too many for my own good :/ LOL.

** On another note, I feel prettier today. Haha. Damn perasan I know but I like who I see in the mirror today. Must be a good day or something. Or maybe it's the way my hair falls naturally over my shoulder (unlike other days where I have to comb like a gazillion times to get it in place), or the fact that my eye bags are less obvious now already. Dunno. But, I love days like today. Makes me feel special somehow. Like I'm as pretty as other pretty people out there (:

xoxo, elvyna.

If loving you was wrong, then I don't wanna be right.

I feel so dependent lately since I sent my car to the service centre. Gotta call my dad, then my bro and all to fetch me. *sigh* Guess it's true what they say bout' you not knowing what you've got until it's gone :( I hope my car comes back soon. I miss him :(

Just got back from the doctor's. He says I've got acid indigestion and fever. Prescribed some paracetamol and antacids to me. Guess I gotta lay off spicy food for a while. This sucks :( I can't live without spicy food. Noooo.

Tomorrow's the Community Medicine presentation thing for the Househould Survey. My group asked me to do the presentation because I've got the image, fluency and what not. But I know they're just saying all those so they themselves don't have to do it. Oh wells, shouldn't be that hard to do right? Just talk for about 10-15 minutes. I guess I can do it.

I've started studying and revising Semester 4 stuffs and I feel my brain is so rusty I can't store any information. This is NOT good. Hope I'll be able to retain at least some information soon.

Went out for dinner with dad and some of his colleagues yesterday. Was a different side of dad I've never seen before. And it made me realize how much I admire him for the values and beliefs he holds in his heart. Wow. We may not always have the best of conversations but last night would remain in my memory for a long time. My dad is a man I really admire and look up to, for real.

And I guess that ends all my random ramblings.

xoxo, elvyna.