The birds congregate and sing, a song, of change.

Some people have asked me why my blog posts are really emo and sad. It got me thinking. Like really thinking. I never thought about it, I mean, I just write whatever I want and whatever I feel. Does that mean I'm like a depressed person or something like that?:/

I don't know. I can never be one of those bloggers who write about their love, their families, their lives and how everything is so perfect. I'm not saying its bad to write bout' those things, don't get me wrong, but I just somehow feel that life isn't that perfect, well, at least not like the way some people describe it until. I wish I could write like that. I wish my life was that 'perfect', or at least half of what 'perfect' is. But after the events that took place today, I'm grateful for my life, I'm grateful for what it's made me, I'm grateful for just, everything.

Because today I learnt that sometimes, you can find perfection in imperfections too.
Because today I finally found an answer.

Words you read after this may be a little too honest, but I just feel like pouring it all out.

For the longest time ever, I've been bitter and angry. Bout' what, I really don't know. It comes, on and off. I really questioned God and His plans for me, if they were really what was best for me, if His plans were really going to benefit me. And I was angry, at myself, and probably, at God. I hated myself for feeling this way. I knew it wasn't right but as many times as I've told myself to stop feeling this way, the feeling still stayed. I thought many a times before that God was letting go of me, losing hope, losing faith, but after today, I realized that all those times I thought that, it was actually I who was letting go of Him, losing hope and losing faith. He never once let me go. He was holding on so tightly, but I was losing grip. I was slipping.

All that became clear to me today and I am eternally grateful for that. You see, I'm on holidays now so I don't need to go back to uni unless I've got Community medicine classes or lab sessions, etc. So to go back just for CF is quite a hassle for me actually, to drive all the way there and then back. Sometimes, I get lazy too, which I'm not really proud of. But because a friend asked me to worship lead for CF this week, I was obliged to go. And I'm mighty glad I did. It could've just been another CF, another week, another inspiring sermon/activity that'll get me all hyped up for the moment but the kind of hype that just dissipates once I reach home.

But this week it was different. It's people like Sabrina who continues to inspire me in my life and my walk with God. I'm so glad that I've come to known her. Thank you God for letting me meet such a beautiful lady inside out. Today's topic was "A Father's Heart" and Sabrina who was the person-in-charge showed a screening of a sermon by a pastor. And then the pastor showed a video which I've attached here. It's about a crippled son who wants to join a triathlon and asks his father to join it with him. Here you see how much the father loves his son. I was really touched by it, the sermon and the video and the message it contained. Just one simple truth - that the Father's love is unconditional. (definition of unconditional : absolute, complete)



It's so easy to forget sometimes of His love.

At times we think He has abandoned us, that we're left alone in this cold, cold world. But I guess those are the times we forget that His love is unconditional, it knows no boundaries. It feels nice knowing that already. I feel precious right now. To Him. And that's all that matters.

Sabrina also reminded me that He looks at the heart. People may look from the outside and all but He looks at our heart, at my heart. And what can He see from my heart? There may be scars, there may be hurt, but those are all just a part of growing up and lessons learnt. He'll still take my heart anyday and his unquavering love for me will remain.

A little prayer said in the car whilst it was raining so heavily and I was stuck in a jam on the way back from uni really made it all the more clearer to me.

Nothing else in the world matters but Him.
It's amazing what a wonderful and awesome God I have (:

I hope this inspires those who read it.

xoxo, elvyna.