Quiet Place.

I really really need to go back to the place where I can think everything in my life through again. My personal quiet place.Therefore, I won't be blogging as often anymore. Sorry readers. Random updates if there are events or happenings. Nothing personal. Besides that, I'll be back once I've settled my personal issues. I've got to do this on my own. Sorry. Till whenever,

xoxo, elvyna.

A letter to you. Stay strong.

I know what you're going through. I do. I've been through it myself. You know that. But you know what? You're going to make it through that. Just like I did or am still trying.

You've been such an inspiration to me. I've always wondered how you can always stay happy, smile through anything like everything's going to be alright, how you stay so strong despite whatever has happened. Despite your childhood, despite everything. I really really admire you. I know at times you feel insignificant, but know this, you are NOT. Firstly, cause the God who created you and I made you in His image and you're His precious child. He loves you so so so much. Everything that's happening to you is happening for a reason. Believe that. Remember the verse I told you that time? 1 Corinthians 10:13? It really is true. You will get out of this stronger and more mature.

Do not focus on it. Try and move on. Stop crying anymore. At least not everytime you're awake. Please. It hurts me so much everytime to know you are crying, wasting your tears on something like that. You mean so much to me. Do you even know that? Please just don't do anything that'll hurt yourself or people around you who care. Please please please. Life is precious. I don't know what I'll do without you. Yes, it sucks now, yes, it hurts, literally, yes, it feels like nothing else in the world matters anymore but there are still things that matters. Actually, everything matters except what you're sad of.

What do you do when you fall down? You get back up. You try and try and try until you can finally stand up on your own. Friends and family can help you but you must WANT to get up.

The joy of the Lord will be your strength. To know that He is the only one who will never leave you nor forsake you in any circumstance you may go through. It is by His love and grace that we are living this life. Don't waste it.

Circumstances do not need to change for you to become victorious, it's our hearts that needs to be filled with the Holy Spirit. Turn your eyes upon Him and all things'll fall into its place. Learn to fall back on Him.

He loves you. I love you.

xoxo, elvyna.

When you turn your back on everything you've ever said.

Have you ever been so lost?
Know the way and still so lost?
Another night waiting for someone to take me home
Have you ever been so lost?
Is there a light, is there a light at the end of the road?
I'm pushing everyone away cos' I can't feel this anymore.

Things have not been working out at all for me. There's so much confusion, so much hurt, so much pain I don't even know where to begin. Firstly, you've really done it man, I gotta congratulate you. Finally, what you wanted all this while. Congrats for shutting me out completely. I gotta say, you really did make it so much easier than you made it sound. You asked me once, "Why should I care for someone who doesn't care for me?" I knew you stopped caring a long long time ago. I'm just not like you. I won't be able to do that. Never would be able to. Thanks for teaching me how people can change. One minute, they're your best friend-apparently, the next, a total stranger. Thanks for teaching me that people can fail you. People WILL fail you.period.

Ignore me all you want. Ignore me forever if you can. I really don't have the strength to give a damn anymore. I really really honestly thought we were friends, at the very least. You even made it sound and made me believe that we could be best friends. I was so naive in believing you. What happened then? I don't know. I don't think I bother to know anymore. All the things you said, none you kept. I guess it has come to this, from now onwards, you go your way, I'll go mine.

Why do people fall in love so easily? I'm not saying it's a bad thing but I mean, what happened to getting to know the person more and knowing their likes and dislikes? To all those you-know-who-you-are people, I'm not ready to get into a relationship now. I'm really really sorry. It's so hard to say when I'm face to face, so I hope this would explain it clearly. You're really sweet and nice and all, but I just can't be with you. Not now, not anytime soon. I really hope we can still be friends. I've been losing friends so easily lately I can't afford to lose another one. It really hurts when something so beautiful like a friendship can end up so bad. I don't want anymore friendships to be ruined. I don't want that to happen :( Understand that please.

And to you, I will never ever date guys 20 years or more older than me so would you just please PLEASE- i'm begging you, leave me alone! You're beginning to scare me.sighs.

And lastly, you. I'm sorry I snapped that day. I mean, you were always asking me to do this and that and this and that. I just well, reached the limit. sighs. But I know it was very immature to just not talk to you suddenly, so I'm sorry because of that. I hope everything will be alright.

Sorry this is a long and wordy post. I just can't keep it all in anymore. I don't want to explode with all these emotions once I can't handle it anymore.

Show me your way O God. Your ways are not my ways, and your plans are not my plans. Give me strength to live each day without breaking down and without making people around me who care worry. Give me strength to move on. Give me strength to forgive and forget. Just give me your strength dear Father, I'm nothing without you.

xoxo, elvyna.

P/s## I really really wish you're back here now T. Really. I need you more than ever now. Things are just so different without you around. I don't think I can cope and handle this THING I'm going through anymore :(

Heart Prints.

Whatever our hands touch---We leave fingerprints!
On walls, on furniture,On doorknobs, dishes, books,
As we touch we leave our identity.

Oh please where ever I go today,
Help me leave heartprints!
Heartprints of compassion
Of understanding and love.
Heartprints of kindness and genuine concern.

May my heart touch a lonely neighbor
Or a runaway daughter,
Or an anxious mother,
Or, perhaps, a dear friend!

I shall go out today
To leave heartprints,
And if someone should sayI felt your touch,
May that one sense be...YOUR LOVE
Touching through ME

xoxo, elvyna.
Help me leave heart prints dear God.

Sittin’ all alone in your room
Thinkin’ that the world’s let you down
All you ever wanted to do is trust someone to always be around
You’ve had a lot of lessons to learn from
Some of them hit you so hard
And I keep believing someday you’ll see, you don’t have to be alone

There’s somebody out there, somebody somewhere to show you the tenderness you need
Somebody to hold you when worries control you
I’d give anything if only you knew it was me

I’ve been watchin’ you go through all of these things for a while
There’s gotta be a way to bring you back
Coz these words sing when you smile
It doesn’t have to hurt you forever
It doesn’t have to last too long
If you wonder where to turn to I hope that you know
I wanna be there when you’re in need
I would never be long if you were waiting

When are you gonna see, if you could only see
I'd give anything, anything at all, i think it's time that you knew it was me.

xoxo, elvyna.
emoness is only accentuated at times like these. i'm going into my shell. ciao.

Valentine's.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8
Love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

~YOUR love never fails~ February 14th is coming. It's the most overrated day of the year i would say. Couples going out to overpriced restaurants for meals and doing couple-y stuffs on that day itself which costs almost double than any other normal day. Then why is it that people still go out on that day? Beats me :/ (haha.i bet u guys reading this actually thought i would say something, well, MORE)

Well, Valentine's to me is a day to celebrate with people you love. Not neccesarily people you are IN love with but just generally a day to appreciate people you love. Anyways, I'm gonna be in church come Saturday. Missions Conference is on from Friday- Sunday and Youth is having a Valentine's service on Saturday too. Gonna be pretty awesome. Dress code: Smart casual some more. hahaha :) Ooo. and I'm baking for the refreshments and worship leading for the service. It's just gonna be GREAT! :P (btw, Worship leading on Sunday Service was just so amazing. God is just so awesome! Was so nervous in the beginning, but God helped me through it. Hope I'll get better in time to come. I'll keep trusting Him. Amen! (: )

But, I really don't know. I mean, Valentine's can be anyday you want it to be, can't it? Oh wells, who am I to say? Haven't celebrated Valentine's before anyways :( On a separate note, it's my dog- Jewel's 8th birthday this Saturday! woot :) Gonna pamper her. Maybe a toenail trim, bubble bath, yummy food? hahaha. See how. Gonna be busy this Saturday. So much to do, so little time. God help me :S

xoxo, elvyna.

P/S# Everyday MUST be a great day from today onwards because I'll never know when my last day is, and I want to live each day to its fullest. Everyday MUST begin with me putting God first in my life. Give me the strength God...

blurred vision.

i had a dream about you last night. it's almost like the dream i've been having for the past two months. you were there in the same place and time again, as vivid and clear as i remembered. i walked up to you. we were close. you looked different. your features, they all seem more tired than usual. i guess it has been tough times. you seem strained. like you were trying to tell me something. you stared into my eyes with those dark brown eyes, i felt the familiar warmth in my heart. you said sorry.

i smiled.

i woke up, wishing i was asleep, for just a little while more.

xoxo, elvyna.

She..

James 4:14-15 Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, "If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that." * She is wondering what could God possibly plan for someone like her, someone so insignificant, so small, so forgettable. Someone who makes more wrongs than rights, someone who feels she cannot even come close to comparison to all those around her who do so much more for God than she ever would be able to and someone who is well, just plain.
* She is amazed at His love for someone like her. Amazed at His awesome power over her life.

* She is yearning for love and affection but she has finally decided not to search for it from man,who would only break her heart but to search for it in her Father up above.

* She is waiting for the day when she would finally fully heal from all this so that she can give her all to people who actually love her more than she can ever imagine. Thank you all so so much for the constant reminder that people DO care.

* She hopes people around her would never give up on her even though there comes a day when she does herself.

* She is more grateful than you can ever imagine for all the things people do for her, even the tiniest little thing from hugs to smiles.

* She is thankful for everything God has made possible in her life and to the lives of those around her, giving her the opportunity to reach out to those people.

* She wants to continue to be used by God for God.

* She really needs God so much in her life right now. More.Than.Ever.

She is me.

xoxo, elvyna.

Psalm 86:11 Teach me your way, O Lord, and I will walk in your truth; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name.

Should've known.

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

I cannot go to the ocean
I cannot drive the streets at night
I cannot wake up in the morning
Without you on my mind
So you're gone and I'm haunted
And I bet you are just fine
Did I make it that easy to walk right in and out of my life?

xoxo, elvyna.

Back to school.

Whoa. It has been a hectic week, what with Chinese New Year visitations and all. Been playing Left4Dead and COD so much too. Think I'll stop for a while. Spent so much on it :/

Went to Wei Phin's party last night. No pictures cos I forgot to bring my camera. Haha. Had fun there. Quite a number of ppl went. Been a long one week hol and I didnt study, AT ALL. Such a waste of time. sighs. no point regretting now. Anyways, going to bake chocolate cake now. Laters!

xoxo, elvyna.


P/s # Oh yea! Forgot to mention the most important thing!! MY Fernando Torres scored two goals in the 2-0 match against Chelsea last night/this morning. Watched the first half then fell asleep. Oh wells! Eeks. He rocks! :D (Poor Steek.Chelsea lost! ) hahaha. I'm so eveeeel :P