Time falls away. I just want to know it'll be alright.

Ok. Contradicting to my last post, I am emo now. How can I not be? My grandpa's sick and weak. He's saying his time is almost up. He's saying he'd rather pass away at home than in the hospital. He's saying he feels pain all over. What do I do? sighs. I don't know.

Grandma cried. First time in a long time I'm seeing her cry. I didn't know what to say. Was afraid what I said might make things worse. I just hugged her, real tight. I cried along too. Told her to stay strong. Everything's gonna be alright. She told me to stay strong too. Said leave it all in God's hands. My heart felt sore, real sore - something I've never felt in a long long time. Gosh. Life is unpredictable. I don't want anything to happen to my grandpa. I'd give anything. Life is fragile, frail and yet, sometimes it takes a loss for some of us to realize that. I'll treasure all the time I have. I'll pray extra hard if it means anything. I'll learn to appreciate both my grandparents more.

If all this could just go away now. If only it was a bad dream which would be gone the moment I open my eyes. If only.. but it isn't. That is the cold hard truth of reality. It just smacks right into your face the day you think everything'll be alright. I hope it'll turn out alright this time. Please God, please :( [I never knew I could hurt like this.]

~I pray for her even more than me.I pray for her even more than me.~

xoxo, elvyna.