sunshine and strawberries.

Snacking on strawberries while writing this.

I met someone today. Well, not meet to be exact, but I noticed him.

He was sitting opposite me in the bus. He wasn't particularly cute or attractive in that way but there was something about him. Was it the way he looks like he's smiling even when he's not, or was it the way his long lashes flutter when he blinks?

I don't know. But there was just an attractiveness to it all. A pleasantness. He looks really approachable and friendly, like as if he's really likeable. (note: I am NOT a stalker ok?I just notice people :P)

Anyways, he got off the bus eventually but I don't know, it made me happy to see someone like that. Kinda made me wish I am like that around people too.

Sorry this is a really random post :/

xoxo, elvyna.

Tears of anger.

It's one of those nights again.

I really don't want to fight but you always bring up the past and the past is something we all move on from, why can't you just see that? And every time it reaches the limit of my patience I snap and we're re-doing the whole cycle again. Why can't you just understand?

Maybe it was a wrong decision to be friends again. Maybe, just maybe, we aren't even meant to be friends. Because truth be told, I tried. Really hard. But that's where the problem is. You don't have to try hard, it just is.

I feel so angry/sad typing vigorously on my BB now. Don't use me as a reason, STOP using me as a reason. I don't want to care anymore. I seriously. can't. take . one. more. second. of. this.

Leave me alone :( Not this time we can't start again, not this time.

xoxo, elvyna.

The Notebook.

Watched this today. Cried bucketloads. Does this kind of love exist? Because if it does, it's the kind that I want.

So it's not gonna be easy. It's going to be really hard; we're gonna have to work at this everyday, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, everyday. You and me... everyday.

xoxo, elvyna.

Can you really forgive, if you can't forget?

xoxo, elvyna.

Words I couldn't say.

Was feeling kinda down today for so many reasons I had to bake something to cheer me up. Decided to make M&M's cookies since it's so colourful and who doesn't like biting into one while eating a cookie?

One large cookie with leftover dough. Comparison of size with the standard cookie.

And with the cookie in my tummy, today doesn't seem so bad anymore.

Ahh. The joys of baking, it always does something to me (:

xoxo, elvyna.

Its the little things that matter.

Started Child Psychiatry this week under my Psychiatry postings. Can't believe we've only got 1 week for Child Psych. I wish it was longer :(

Anyways, saw a 16 year old girl today with a really long history. Basically my consultant asked me to sit in on his one-to-one session with her where he was asking her a lot of questions regarding her mood and what not.

A little bit of history: this girl took 24 Paracetamols and 2 Ibuprofen a couple of months ago in an attempt to commit suicide but was rushed to the hospital by her mother. She was severely depressed due to the recent death of her grandmother and uncle, was being bullied in school because she had seizures and had really low self esteem. She was also self-harming in the form of cutting.

She seemed well today when we saw her. She talked about her suicide attempt and how she felt like there was no point in living at that time and how easy it was to end it all. The self harm, she said, was a much easier pain to bear than the emotional hurt she was going through. She says now though that she knows what she did was wrong and she's getting better. One of the things she said when the consultant asked her how she got better really struck me.

" People think I got better due to the counselling and psychiatric visits. Well, it did help a little, but what helped the most was the little silly and random things my friends and family did for me. Just being there, even when they don't say anything, helped."

It was too emotional a session for me. I just wanted to run out of the room and cry. *sigh* I know. WEAK :(

Anyways, it got me thinking, sometimes we take all the little things in life forgranted. Got to be reminded that it's not always about the big picture, because sometimes, it's the little things that matter.

xoxo, elvyna.

Reorganizing.

New book to keep my baking recipes in. So excited! (:

Different sections in the book!
Don't mind the drawings I was too bored!

Have a great weekend ya'll! (:

xoxo, elvyna.

There shouldn't be happy endings, happy moments are meant to be never ending.

Found this pic online and I thought it was really cute I have to post it! So adorable (:

Just got back from the Teddy Bear Hospital thing in Southampton General. It was one of the best times I've had in a really long time. Fulfilling in just the slightest way, yet it continued to fuel my interest in paediatrics and helped me reignite that passion.

Well, basically, all I did was go into the Paeds ward, teach and educate some of the kids with my stethoscope, blood pressure cuff, pen torch, tendon hammer, etc. I basically just took their teddies/stuffed toys (most kids have one with them on the wards) and practised examining them using the instruments I have. Later, I'll let the kids have their turn, trying out on their stuffed animals. Then there's the colouring and face painting sessions.

It is pretty heart wrenching to see so many tubes and gadgets attached to the child's nose/mouth/chest restricting their movements and all. Kids are meant to be playing outside, rolling around in the dirt, exploring, and learning. Not stuck in a hospital and undergoing treatment :( Ah :( Life.

Anyways, I went to the oncology ward after i was done with the normal paeds ward and I met two of the loveliest kids I've ever met. One was 5 and the other was 9. They were sisters. Both had cancer. I did the same things I did with the other kids with them and the joy in their eyes to see visitors, let alone people to come play with them, was all it took for me to fall for them. They were so optimistic, so smart, so loveable that for a moment, I did question God. Why them? They were just kids. They've barely seen much in life and cancer happened. Just then, I was reminded of Isaiah 55:8. I'll never understand His plans, His ways, but I just have to trust that they are good. Because they are.

So after playing with the both of them, I had to leave because the nurse had come in to give them drugs for chemotherapy. As I turned to leave, the 9 year old looked up and smiled at me saying, " I want to grow up and be a doctor like you."

Something in me broke at that point. It was hard to hold back tears.

I'm going to be the best doctor I can be, for kids like her, for them to be able to realize their dreams, as I am doing now.

xoxo, elvyna.

Medication.

My daily dose of drugs to remind me of His word. Works better than multivitamins I'd say :P

Personally handmade by a friend dear to my heart (:

xoxo, elvyna.

Springtime!

It's a happy day today because:

1) It's finally officially spring and the sun is warm and toasty!

2) I got an A for my Obstetrics and Gynaecology placements at Portsmouth that I've been at for the past 4 weeks.

3) Which means I'm signed off and have all the days of this week free :D

4) Finally found my essay patient today so I can start working on that dreaded essay and hand it in before the deadline.

5) I'm going to sing a duet for SIMS (Southampton International Medics Society) night. (actually this is more nerve-wrecking than happy but I'll just put it in anyhow)

6) It's Pancake day tomorrow in the UK (absolutely no idea what this day is about :/), therefore I'm going to make some pancakes!

7) I have a Polaroid camera that took many pics over the weekend when I was in London :D

xoxo, elvyna.