I dreamt of flying. Flying far far away to never land.

This is one picture which really touched me, somehow. Took it from the book/journal (which I absolutely love) Amos gave me. There's a poem along with it which is equally as touching and inspiring too but I'm just to lazy to type it here. Anyways, this is random.

It's been a really loong few weeks or so. Exams are coming up, I'm only starting to read up on lecture notes now. They're probably a billion notes piled up on my table now. Just finished reading on thyroid and parathyroid glands. Took 4 hours just to cover adrenal glands. Gosh Elvyna, if you're gonna take so long to finish one sub-sub-sub topic, you won't be able to finish studying everything in time. sighs. I know i know, but I'm just SLOW :(

Grandpa's not really holding up well. Doctors diagnose him with anaemia (deficiency of haemoglobin-a compound in red blood cells). He's back home now but he's going to be admitted into the hospital again next week to have a few tests like bronchoscopy and CT scans on the thorax and abdomen region done. Apparently, there's something else, something bigger behind his illness. The doctors suspect cancer. I really pray and hope it's not. REALLY. But if it is God's will, so be it. So yea, been driving grandma back from the hospital every night for the past week or so. Next week again. It's the most I can do. Sometimes I feel so helpless, caught in the middle, worthless in this whole situation. I can't offer anything but transport. sighs.

I LOVE them both so so much. Many things have happened in my life recently, and looking back now, I think I've grown and matured from these incidents. Drawn closer to God, my family, friends. I've learnt to see things in a different perspective now. Maturity comes in different forms. I'm aiming for spiritual maturity. yup.

P/S # There's always, ALWAYS a RAINBOW at the end of the day, after everything's been said and done.

xoxo, elvyna.

I will be - Avril

There’s nothing I can say to you
Nothing I could ever do to make you see
What you mean to me
All the pain the tears I've cried
Still you never said goodbye
And now I know how far you’d go

I know I let you down but its not like that now
This time I’ll never let you go

I will be all that you want and get myself together
Cause you keep me from falling apart
All my life I’ll be with you forever
To get you through the day and make every thing okay

I thought that I had everything
I didn’t know what life could bring
But now I see honestly
You're the one thing I got right
The only one I let inside
Now I can breathe 'cause you're here with me

And if I let you down I’ll turn it all around
Cause I would never let you go

I will be all that you want and get my self together
Cause you keep me from falling apart
All my life I’ll be with you forever
To get you through the day and make every thing okay

Cause with out you I can’t sleep
I’m not gonna ever ever let you leave
You’re all I got You’re all I want
And with out you I don’t know what I’ll do
I could never ever live a day with out you
Here with me do you see you're all I need

And I will be all that you want and get my self together
Cause you keep me from falling apart
All my life (my life) I will be with you forever
To get you through the day and make every thing okay
I will be (I’ll be) all that you want and get my self together
Cause you keep me from falling apart
And all my life you know I will be with you forever
To get you through the day and make every thing okay.

When the internet connection defies you...

You go to the nearest Starbucks!! Ahhh. MY sanctuary-Caramel Light Frapp :) xoxo, elvyna.

Dilemma.

Ever felt like the whole world was in order, everything was just the way you wanted it, your friends, family, studies, you finally had it all the way you want? Well, not the way you want maybe but at least it was all in place?

And then suddenly, just suddenly, something unexpected happens. Something that makes you fret, something that just disrupts the whole "order" of your self-centered life as you know it. Self reflection and lots of thinking have made me realize that I do tend to get self-centered at times. I also realized that I tend to care too much for people most of the time. And that's how I get affected. That's how I realize I'm in too deep when it's too late. I know, life's not all butterflies and rainbows, but there are points in life when it is, isn't it? I mean, don't we all deserve happiness regardless of what we do or what we've done?

I don't even know what this blog post is for. I'm just feeling really bottled up now. There's no one I can tell who'd understand. I mean when I do talk to certain people, they say they understand, but do they REALLY? I really appreciate those people though, i really do.

But sometimes, there's just this void. This BIG void.

xoxo, elvyna.

Time falls away. I just want to know it'll be alright.

Ok. Contradicting to my last post, I am emo now. How can I not be? My grandpa's sick and weak. He's saying his time is almost up. He's saying he'd rather pass away at home than in the hospital. He's saying he feels pain all over. What do I do? sighs. I don't know.

Grandma cried. First time in a long time I'm seeing her cry. I didn't know what to say. Was afraid what I said might make things worse. I just hugged her, real tight. I cried along too. Told her to stay strong. Everything's gonna be alright. She told me to stay strong too. Said leave it all in God's hands. My heart felt sore, real sore - something I've never felt in a long long time. Gosh. Life is unpredictable. I don't want anything to happen to my grandpa. I'd give anything. Life is fragile, frail and yet, sometimes it takes a loss for some of us to realize that. I'll treasure all the time I have. I'll pray extra hard if it means anything. I'll learn to appreciate both my grandparents more.

If all this could just go away now. If only it was a bad dream which would be gone the moment I open my eyes. If only.. but it isn't. That is the cold hard truth of reality. It just smacks right into your face the day you think everything'll be alright. I hope it'll turn out alright this time. Please God, please :( [I never knew I could hurt like this.]

~I pray for her even more than me.I pray for her even more than me.~

xoxo, elvyna.

Emo.

That's what people in uni say I am. Emo. Am I? I don't think I am. I don't know how they see me as that. Yes, I may have lots of things on my mind, but doesn't everyone else too? hmms. I've been getting lots of messages from friends to ask me to cheer up and all, but seriously, there is nothing wrong with me. I'm still the same 'ol person I used to be in college. Gosh, I miss college and ppl there. Yea. Uni life has been great. People here are nice, for now. I hope they last. I really hope they last...

P/S# I seriously am not emo :S

xoxo, elvyna.

Infatuation

.....is the state of being completely carried away by unreasoning passion or love; addictive love.

~Wikipedia~

xoxo, elvyna.

Iron Man and TGIF

Went to One Utama to watch Ironman yesterday. Been a loooong time since I went to One U, and to think, it used to be my second home. Now it looks like Mid Valley's going to be my second home. It's much closer to hang out with IMU friends there than OU. Though I prefer OU better, obviously. Sighs:(

Anyways, had dinner in TGIF's. Super super full on my Cajun-fried Chicken Salad. Diet what?!?!? And Amos is such a cam-whore. Non stop I tell you. NON-STOP.haha. It was so fun hanging out with Amos, Josh and Lilian. We make a great group :) Super full after eating at Friday's. *burps*

Mac N' Cheese.

Cajun Fried Chicken salad. Super BIG portion lo!Lilian and I :)Joshua being a kid again. He even requested for crayons. *sweat*Lilian ate all our Sunday Fudge when we couldn't finish em. She rocks big time la!!! :P

Watched Ironman at 9pm. I think it's the latest time I've ever caught a movie before. It wasn't that bad except that we had to sit in the first row as there were no more tickets left. Haha. We had all the leg space we wanted but had to endure the neck pain after that. Teehee. The movie was super good, well, at least above my expectations. Robert Downey Jr. wasn't that fit for the movie, (in fact he looked a little fat at times) but nevertheless, when he became ironman, I kept checking his sexy shiny ass out. Haha. Seriously rocks. And Gwyneth has like the sexiest legs in the world. really. Anyways, if you haven't watched the movie, go watch it:) It's a good one.

Yup. That's our outing this week. What's for next week? :P Can't wait!!

xoxo, elvyna.