chronicles of my life

Happie Chai-knees Niu Yer! (:

2012-01-23T14:48:00.002Z

The first few weeks of 2012 just seemed to pass by so quickly. I don't know if it's because I've been busy living a routine life (read:labs and research) but where did the past 23 days of my 2012 go? Ah well. It's my second time celebrating CNY away from home but reunion dinner last night with the group was so awesome I didn't actually feel that sad!

The food was great as well (thanks to the housemate and his awesome culinary skills), we had braised pork ribs with black bean, curry chicken, emperor chicken, kung po prawns, spring rolls (the boy made it and it was delicious!), ma po chicken tofu and of course, I made dessert (as usual).

Was a gruelling process making the pineapple jam from scratch but it was well worth it in the end when everyone loved the pineapple tarts! (:

Made apple streusel cake the other day because I was craving for a crumble. Haha. It's so dangerous to know how to bake something you're craving. Lol. Once in a while shouldn't be too bad right? :P
Can't wait for February when I start placements again! I've had enough of labs for now.

xoxo, elvyna.

Madame Tussauds.

2012-01-17T23:03:00.005Z

Weekend day trip to London again, but this time to see Madame Tussauds, Natural History Museum and the Science Museum. It was fun! (:Morning in the Underground.

Few pics from Madame Tussauds. The rest are on Facebook. Shrek! (Love his tummy!)
Classic. Breakfast at Tiffany's.
A cool Hulk model to pose with (:
Natural History Museum; South Kensington.

Stegosaurus.
Kepala T-Rex.
Japanese food since I've been craving for it forever! Miss times back home when I can just drive out and have Jap food easily. Things I take forgranted :(
Tempura Udon!

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Been really busy with labs lately it's insane. Handed in my Literature Review last week and got really good feedback with the draft I sent in from my supervisors and the team in the lab. Thank you God for helping me (: Hopefully the results are good too when it comes out some time April *prays hard* First time writing a science-y paper.

Also, got tickets to a Tim Hughes concert in Southampton on the 31st of January. Went last year and it was awesome! So those are my highlights and upcoming events in Jan. Chinese New Year is coming and this is the second year I'm not going to be home to celebrate it :( There's a Southampton International Medics Society CNY dinner in town tomorrow night though which I will be attending. Hopefully the food is good.

Ah well, first wordy post in a while. Updates about my life I guess. Till next time..

xoxo, elvyna.

Agape.

2012-01-11T20:23:00.004Z

This video made me cry for the longest time ever.

I don't recall the last time I watched something that moved me so deeply like this video did. It made me remember a lot of things. His love. The feeling it gives me. The understanding of the Father's love in giving His only son to die for me, for us. Reflecting on everything He's done, His love, His mercy, His grace. Who am I that I am the object of His affection? Why me?

"That God in eternity looked at me forseeing my fallenness, my pride, my sin. I want that man in my family. I'll do anything to get him in my family. I will pay for him to be in my family with my son's life."

I will love You with every breath, every song, every word, every action, every cell in my body because You are God.

xoxo, elvyna.

Chocolate Chip Cinammon Cookies.

2012-01-07T15:51:00.002Z

First bake of the year! (: Decided to make cookies because I ran out of my usual Rich Tea and Digestives McVities biscuits. And also cos I have an empty cookie jar container! Hehe. I don't usually bake cookies (cos it's so tedious and takes such a long time with so many rounds of baking), but the picture of the cookies in the book is so mouth-watering I had to (:

Anyways, this is also the first recipe I'm trying out from the Chocolate Bible by Le Cordon Bleu which I bought just before Christmas last year. So excited to try out recipes from the book, everything looks so heavenly!

Yummy!

xoxo, elvyna.

Happy New Year.

2012-01-01T16:32:00.000Z

2011 was a great year. Sure, there were ups and downs but overall, I'd like to say it was a great year. Okay. Maybe it was just an okay year but you get the drift. Here's to the end of 2011 and the beginning of 2012, a new beginning, a clean slate, a new hope for all things beautiful (:

There's so much more for this heart of mine to discover. Praying that He'll lead the way for another fruitful year ahead (:

xoxo, elvyna.

Postponed: Barcelona, Spain.

2011-12-27T15:59:00.013Z

Pretty buildings against the blue sky.

FC Barcelona! (:

Bathing pigeons.

Dog+Toy.
Street artist on La Rambla.
Tambourine dancers add to the festivities (:
Monument in remembrance of Christopher Columbus.
Steps.
Port Vell.
Lobster Paella by the docks.

Streets of Barcelona.

Drinking water in Barcelona Cathedral.

In Park Guell.

Mosaic Salamander by Gaudi.

Sagrada Familia.
Leo Messi's jersey, boots and signature on a ball! *faintssss* (:
Ballon D'Or's belonging to Messi (:
In the stadium.

Gelato loving.
Pretty flower arrangement for the gelato.
La Rambla, night.
Black Rice Paella (:
Casa Milà, largest civil building designed by Antoni Gaudi.
Casa Batlló, another one of Gaudi's work.

Dusk skyline.

Really loved my whole EuroTrip to Paris and Spain. Albeit it being rather short, a week in total, I saw so many things, learnt a lot about the countries I visited, and had the time of my life. There's so many things you can read from in a book about a place but the actual feeling of being there and seeing things with your own eyes is a totally different experience. Travelling is so much fun, now if only it wasn't so expensive...

xoxo, elvyna.

How beautiful You are to me.

2011-12-27T15:48:00.003Z

Set a fire down in my soul,

That I can't contain and I can't control,

I want more of You God.

Focusing on what should matter most.

xoxo, elvyna.

The best day of the year (:

2011-12-25T13:04:00.002Z

And finally, it's Christmas day. My favourite-st day of the year. What's not to like about Christmas? (: The only downside is I'm celebrating it without my friends and family, but hey, the true reason to celebrate Christmas still remains. Thanking God for everything He's done in my life all these years. Christmas is just a wonderful reminder to my purpose in life.

Now let me go listen to christmas songs on repeat while dancing dorkily to myself in the living room eating gingerbread men and sipping tea.

Aaah (:
Mr Snowman next to my orchid (:

Just a lil Christmas song that sums everything up (:

Have a blessed Christmas everyone! Love ya'll <3

xoxo, elvyna.

of baguettes and croissants (:

2011-12-22T16:38:00.010Z

View outside the apartment.
Autumn leave on the ground.
Le Tour de Eiffel.

Nutella crepe.Statue of Liberty, Paris.

Patisserie.

Arc de Triomphe.
Petit Palais.

Musee de Louvre.
Laduree.
Le Fumoir.

Sphinx.
Aphrodite.
Mona Lisa.

xoxo, elvyna.

It's Christmas time in the city.

2011-12-12T00:06:00.010Z

Took a day trip to London for fun just because (:

**Warning: Loads of pictures ahead!**
Tower of London; Tower Hill.

Tower Bridge; Tower of London.

Street performers; Oxford Street.
Burnt ends and pulled pork; Bodean's, Soho.
M&M's World; Leicester Square.

Winter Wonderland; Hyde Park.

Only picture of us; on the way back to Southampton.

xoxo, elvyna.

I'm sorry.

2011-12-04T11:44:00.001Z

There's only ever so much sarcasm I can take in a day. This feeling sucks.

xoxo, elvyna.

December (:

2011-12-01T20:48:00.001Z

I'm so excited it's December! Christmas carols are going to be playing on my playlist for the entire month starting today, I don't care (: Love Christmas season the most! Can't wait.

xoxo, elvyna.

Vanilla cupcakes with chocolate ganache filling.

2011-11-27T15:10:00.006Z

Made 40+ cupcakes for a charity bake sale for Ophthalmology Society. The most cupcakes I've ever baked and iced alone. Was a tiring process especially since I wanted to make it more special by filling each cupcake with milk chocolate ganache I made. In the end though, it all paid off (:Workstation. Bowls from L-R: Milk chocolate ganache, yellow icing, pink icing, cut insides of the cupcake (:

Iced cupcakes (:

xoxo, elvyna.

More food!

2011-11-25T10:02:00.002Z

Absolutely DELICIOUS chocolate chip cookies baked by a friend who came to visit from Malaysia. It doesn't help that he gave me a whole Tupperware filled with these yummy cookies and they're sitting right next to my laptop as I type this, beckoning me to have more :P

I had to take a picture of the cookie. Look at how its filled with chocolate chip cookies and omg, the texture is amazing! Not too hard, not too soft, just right. Now if only I could bake cookies like these :/

So cookie-baking isn't my forte, but I made some Tiramisu last night! It's sitting in the fridge now (it needs to set overnight for the flavours to fully fuse) so by tonight, I'll be able to try it (: I miss Tiramisu from Alexis back home. Hopefully one day I'll be adventurous enough to attempt making that.
Oh, I added Baileys to my Tiramisu (:

xoxo, elvyna.

Happy things (:

2011-11-21T18:18:00.005Z

Browsing through tumblr pics never fails to make me smile (: Started Neurology placements this week and I'm totally loving it. It's just so weird how I seem to know more Neuro things without studying as hard as other specialities. Let's see how the rest of this week goes. Hopeful (:

xoxo, elvyna.

Sushi Mushi (:

2011-11-19T21:53:00.003Z

Tried making sushi for the first time in my life today and it didn't turn out too bad, i must say! It is a bit tedious, the process of making sushi but it is so much fun if you have a lot of time on your hands. Takes a bit of patience as well especially if you want to make it look cute (:

Basic ingredients.Making panda faces. It was quite hard especially since the rice was sticky-ish.
Completed bento box (: Too cute to eat no?

xoxo, elvyna.

Brown Sugar Bacon Scones

2011-11-12T13:35:00.005Z

Rolling out dough to make scones.
Ready to go into the oven! See the bacon bits peeking out? (:
LOVE! (:
Baked!
With eggs fried by the boy and toast! (:
Breakfast for three! (:

xoxo, elvyna.

Halloween.

2011-11-09T21:23:00.004Z

Digestive biscuits in the food processor to make the base of the cheesecake (:
Spiderweb cheesecake!

Pumpkin carving (:
Mummy cupcakes!

xoxo, elvyna.

Monochrome.

2011-10-26T15:01:00.002+01:00

Got a surprise for my birthday when I got a keyboard as a present! Loving it soooo much I've been playing it non stop since I got it. Lots to brush up on considering I haven't been playing for the past what? 2 years or so but there are some songs which I still remember how to play from memory. HAHA.

So its my 22nd birthday today! Lol. Happy Birthday me. HAHA. It's such a great thing waking up and checking Facebook (I am not a FB addict) and seeing my wall flooded with love messages and well wishes from everyone I know. Well, I know FB reminds people that it's my birthday but still, I appreciate the few seconds it takes for someone to write just a simple happy bday on my wall.

Birthdays are always days I look back and reminisce about how much I've grown over the past years and thank God for letting me be where I am today. Growing up isn't half as bad as some people say it would be. I like the idea of being responsible, learning to be independent, even the whole being away from home thing. But that being said, of course I love being home with people taking care of me and such as well (:

There's so much to be thankful for today. My life, studies, my friends, my family, people who care about me... He is truly amazing. In every single way possible. I don't think I'll ever stop being grateful and thankful for His amazing providence and blessings in my life. So much more than I could ever ask for, so much more than I deserve, but yet, here I am celebrating my 22nd year of life. It's going to be a great one! (:

xoxo, elvyna.

Bright side of things.

2011-10-23T14:15:00.002+01:00

Crazy British weather. Just when I thought it was the end of sunny days and blue skies with fluffy clouds as winter is approaching, it's such a lovely day today! Church was awesome, as always, and I learnt something today.

I learnt how to be a friend to someone in need, someone I'm not so close to yet but am trying to be. Because sometimes all someone needs is a shoulder to cry on or someone to lean on. I can learn to be that for them.

And lyrics of a song that brought tears to my eyes during worship session today:

I'm giving you my heart, and all that is within.

I'm lay it all down for the sake of You my King

I'm giving You my dreams, laying down my rights

I'm giving up my pride

For the promise of new life.

Sometimes, all we need to do is SURRENDER everything to Him. It will work out.

I spy with my little eyes..

2011-10-13T00:01:00.002+01:00

Started with my one week Ophthalmology postings this week and honestly, I don't like it. The eye is just something I'll never specialise in EVER and there's just so much to know and learn in one week before my exam on Friday. sigh. What a busy busy week :(

xoxo, elvyna.

Brownie cookie with peanut butter frosting (:

2011-10-09T00:27:00.009+01:00

Downloaded the most AMAZING app on my iPad the other day. It's called Donna Hay magazine. It is such an amazing app and all the pictures + recipes in there are just begging for me to try it. It was tough picking which one to try first but I chose the brownie cookie with peanut butter frosting as it seemed like a dessert which wouldn't be too heavy after a meal. Also, there was a house party at my place where my housemate cooked the yummiest bak kut teh ever so I decided to make some of these to let my friends try it out.

And boy oh boy, I got some pretty good feedback! Will definitely be trying out other recipes from this app again (:

Step by step instructions on the app. Super convenient. Look at my hummingbird bakery recipe book sitting by itself so lonely at the side after I abandoned it for the iPad :P

LOVE melting DARK chocolate (:

Not really a cookie, but not really a brownie either. The best of both worlds, i suppose.
Whipped up some peanut butter frosting.
Sandwiched and ready for om-nom-nom-ing! (: (:

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2 pots of super duper yummy bak kut teh made by the housemate. I had 3 bowls of soup *burp-rubs tummy* :D

Taboo after dinner! We were so noisy and bad at it it was hilarious!

Group shot at the sofa which everyone seems to like :/
Chunky making an appearance at the party.

xoxo, elvyna.

Sweet serendipity.

2011-10-08T00:36:00.002+01:00

It has been the busiest week for me since I started 4th year (which is actually just two weeks ago). I'm physically drained out now that it's Friday and I haven't looked forward to a weekend so badly since...whenever. Started my BMedSc project and have been in the labs doing research and being introduced to protocols and procedures from 9-5pm every single day. It's fun if I'm actually doing something, eg. pipetting, centrifuging tubes, etc. etc, but if I'm just standing around watching, I tend to get bored fast. Like REALLY fast.

Anyways, I start Ophthalmology postings next week so that'll be fun, being out of the labs after being stuck there for a week (How am I gonna survive 20 weeks in the lab?) Being super drained and tired from the week didn't stop me from doing what I love! Baking!! (: YAYY. And I got a little help from my Bruneian neighbour as well, she's hilarious to bake with.

Ahhhhh.....What a great week. Thank You God (:

xoxo, elvyna.

Snack time.

2011-10-01T10:05:00.003+01:00

A couple of days ago I got my monthly ASOS magazine and it included a voucher for a free box of snacks from graze.com. So being the chinese I am (hey, who doesn't like free stuffs, right?) I checked it out and rated the foods I liked and didn't on the website. It's such a cool concept i'm still impressed till now.

So I got my first box in the mail today. It is THE prettiest customised ~~anything~~ snack box I've ever seen! It even comes with a card that states the nutritional values of the stuffs in the box. Impressed yet? Anyways, even the packaging is bubbling over with cuteness so much so that I don't even feel like eating it anymore! (kinda defeats the purpose of getting it I know -_-)

It's a weekly thing so now there's something for me to look forward to every Saturday morning! And the insides (of the snackbox) changes every week too based on what I rate on the website. How cool is that? (:

It's amazing how this snackbox is making my day! (: *munches away*

xoxo, elvyna.

Poster boy.

2011-09-27T23:36:00.005+01:00

Bought a couple of posters today from the Student Union. They're pasted nicely now in my room and it makes me smile everytime I see it. There's just something about black & white art that just makes me go weak at the knees (:

Have also been busy sorting out polaroids taken throughout summer to be added into the scrapbook. It's really fun scrapbooking and there are LOADs of pictures from summer! It was such an awesome summer back home in Malaysia for 2.5 months!

******

On another note, started lectures for 4th year this week and omg, it's from 9-5pm everyday on STATS and ECONS. Like whatt???! I don't even understand a thing during lecture (and to think I took Further Math up to S3 in A-Levels #ashamed ) *sigh* Brain deteriorate much? :/ Now terms like randomised controlled trials, stratified randomisation, cost utility analysis, etc. are driving me nuts. Oh well, let's hope I'll recall those things I knew once upon a time (really long ago).

xoxo, elvyna.

Blood donation.

2011-09-22T09:47:00.002+01:00

Finally donated blood for the first time in my life after being rejected everytime I tried to in previous years (due to medical reasons). Was a really painless experience and now I know what it feels like to be at the receiving end of the needle instead of usually being the one inserting it into patient's arms. I know many people donate blood all the time and it's the usual thing for them to do but for me, it's not always that I get a chance to do something like this. Feel so proud of myself today, because for once since becoming a medical student, I actually feel like I am THAT much closer to saving a life.

Donate blood at a blood bank if you're fit and healthy! You never know who might need it and who's life you can save! (:

xoxo, elvyna.

Picture Perfect Memories.

2011-09-14T18:22:00.004+01:00

" A best friend is a sister destiny forgot to give you."

I thank God everyday for these people He put in my life. Both of them, so dear to my heart. We can totally be ourselves amongst each other: silly, laugh till we cry and our tummies ache, talk about the most random thing on earth but amazingly all three of us still get, have girly nights out ending with a mask session and sleepover and everything else.

I've had an amazing time growing up through my teenage years because of these two people. I remember the first boyfriend I had, the excitement, the butterflies in the stomach kind of feeling, the giggles and blushes, I shared it all with them. The heartbreaks that followed and times spent drowning my sorrows in ice cream and midnight talks, they were both there.

I really can't imagine my life without the both of them in it. Looking back on how much we've grown through the years, as individuals and as friends/sisters, I'm quite proud to say we've come quite a long way and we didn't turn out too bad (:

I know I don't say this much but I really love the both of them to bits! I've a strange tugging feeling in me that it'll be harder for me to say goodbye this time when I leave. But oh well, I'll remember the promise Amanda made to sponsor me and Amelia on our first trip together to somewhere beach-y! (Let's hope it's either Mauritius or Maldives and not Langkawi -_-") So yea, time and distance ain't got nothing on us! (:

xoxo, elvyna.

Breakfast

2011-09-14T04:01:00.003+01:00

There's nothing quite like the sound of cereal (or in this case, koko krunch) hitting a bowl early in the morning. It makes me feel like a kid again in primary school days. Going to be heading out for mani+pedi with Kim later and then dinner and yumcha with college and then church friends. Long day out I foresee! It's good anyway, using up as much time as I have left to meet up with people back home.

This Friday is Malaysia day (public holiday!). Going to go to aunt's place to teach her some baking skills and techniques. Can't wait (: Oh, and photoshoot tomorrow, can we say excited? Hope it turns out well!

And on a totally non-related note, the new trailer for Breaking Dawn part 1 is out today! It looks promising! Hope it'll be as good as the book. Yes, I am a Twilight fan. Sue me :P

xoxo, elvyna.

Superficiality.

2011-09-12T15:26:00.003+01:00

I'm in a terrible horrible mood.

That's right. I am.

Long story short, I just want to rant about how superficial people are nowadays, even family. You'd think people who brought you up and taught you important lessons/values of life would walk the talk. What happened to all the "not judging a book by its cover" talk? Or "it's the inside that counts" bullshit? So disappointed in so many people I used to look up to.

I know we live in a society where appearance is everything. Or at least, important. Good looks, a slim figure, the brand of clothes you wear are just some examples. That I know and can accept. But amongst family? Really? Is there a need for all the superficial and materialistic comparisons? If my life were to be measured by what I look like, or what I wore, or what brand of handbag I'm currently using, then where do the "insides" come in the picture? I'm content and happy with what God has given me in this life. I may not be the best looking person in a room, or have the nicest body or the most expensive piece of clothing, but does that make me any less a person? :( :(

I've been criticised and insulted time and time again. But not to this intensity, not this much. I'm about close to breaking point, and worse of all, it's by people I call family. I really need an intervention. Part of me says let it go, it's childish to take it to heart, but a part of me is holding on and replaying the words they've said again and again in my head. And truth be told, it hurts, big time. Words.DO.HURT.

xoxo, elvyna.

Holes inside.

2011-09-09T04:39:00.001+01:00

Cell group tonight. Can't wait!

xoxo, elvyna.

Almost ending.

2011-09-08T13:06:00.002+01:00

Summer's coming to an end soon. I'm gonna miss everything about it, the people more than anything else. 16 more days. Feel so moody even hearing the number of days left. Ah well. Cherish each day as it is. Shouldn't worry too much about what's going to happen after 16 days.

Right now, I'm just sneezing excessively. Feels like a cold coming on. Please oh please God, don't let me be ill. I can't afford to waste any time on falling ill. Thank You.

xoxo, elvyna.

Phuket, Thailand: photo diary

2011-09-06T06:21:00.014+01:00

(All pics above were taken by my brother. Check out more of his work HERE.)

Phuket is such a lovely place to be for a holiday with the family. Had a really chilled out, well relaxed time over there and enjoyed the daily dose of fresh fruit juices and scrumptious Thai cuisine. The weather was definitely much warmer and more humid than in Malaysia but it was awesome for me to work on the tan I've been dreaming of since I went over to UK. Back home in KL now and am filling up the schedule with meet ups, lunches and dinners again. Can't believe 2 months of summer have gone by just like that. Better make full use of the remaining 3 weeks I have left back home. For now, I'm just too lazy to unpack from my trip and shall just pretend I'm still on holiday. Oh wait, I am (:

xoxo, elvyna.

Touched..

2011-09-01T14:20:00.000+01:00

Because today I found out that sometimes you can continue loving someone just by praying for them everyday.

xoxo, elvyna.

What if Your blessings come through raindrops?

2011-08-23T16:51:00.002+01:00

Love.

What does it really mean?

"Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

I haven't written about love in a while. Feelings, yes, emotions, yes, but not love. I've always felt love is such a strong word. It embodies so many things as depicted in the bible verse above. Yet, it is being used loosely by people everywhere. I'm not judging people who use the word love, don't get me wrong, but I'm just saying to me, it means a whole lot more than a four-letter word.

Speaking to a friend today about relationships, I reflected on what LOVE means. I think I'm still on a journey to discover its meaning. I mean, I know I love my family and friends, but the kind of love it takes to be in a relationship and make it last, I'm not sure if I know how it feels like. Maybe I've loved before and am afraid to do it again, but one thing I know for sure: for now, knowing the love Jesus showed me when He died upon the cross to be my saviour, that would suffice. That love? It surpasses any kind of love I know I'll ever get from anyone in this world.

Thank You for loving me (:

xoxo, elvyna.

Rainbow coloured things.

2011-08-23T05:29:00.003+01:00

Pretty macaroons all the way from London. And 3/4 of it is still in the fridge.

There's something wrong with me of late, I'm losing my sweet tooth! (Does that even make sense?)

I'm getting pretty sick of eating desserts and sweet stuffs but don't worry, I'm no where near being sick of baking'em! (:

Pretty food pictures in food blogs still attract my attention (:

xoxo, elvyna.

It's all a part of His great big plan.

2011-08-16T14:52:00.003+01:00

Turn your eyes upon Jesus,
Look full in His wonderful face,
And the things of the earth will grow strangely dim,
In the light of His glory and grace.

xoxo, elvyna.

Love came down.

2011-08-15T18:13:00.003+01:00

From worship leaders Brian & Jenn Johnson of Bethel Church in Redding, CA comes a beautiful and moving song that I can't stop playing over and over again. This always happens to me whenever I find a song that touches me. Oh well (:

Should've learnt the cello last time when I had the chance. Too late to regret anyways.

P/S: Am totally loving the lightbulbs hanging down all around the room. I want my house to be like that next time (:

xoxo, elvyna.

Skin Deep.

2011-08-15T09:19:00.002+01:00

Random post because my blog has been lacking pictures and I've been busy catching up with people everyday I haven't had time to take proper pictures!

Current obsession: Make up (:

One palette for day, one for night, says my housemate (:
Favourite eyeshadow palettes for the moment from MAC's A Tartan Tale Holiday 2010 collection.

xoxo, elvyna.

Blessings.

2011-08-04T16:38:00.003+01:00

Because YouTube came up with the new thing where I can't embed videos anymore (booooo!), I'll just post the lyrics of a song I came across recently. It's one of the best songs I've heard in a while. Youtube it and listen to it while reading the lyrics. I think I cried the first few times I heard it.

Be blessed people! (:

Laura Story - Blessings

We pray for blessings, we pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering

All the while You hear each spoken need
Yet love is way too much to give us lesser things

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears?
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You're near?

What if trials of this life
Are Your mercies in disguise?

We pray for wisdom, Your voice to hear
We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough

And all the while You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears?
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You're near?

And what if trials of this life
Are Your mercies in disguise?

When friends betray us, when darkness seems to win
We know that pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home
It's not our home

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears?
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You're near?

What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst
This world can't satisfy?

And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise?

xoxo, elvyna.

Joys (:

2011-08-01T17:12:00.003+01:00

Belated 21st birthday present from Mummy. Love love love (:

Trying to jailbreak it now. Having such a hard time since I'm such a tech noob -_-

xoxo, elvyna.

Thanks for the reminder that You're never gone away (:

2011-07-27T17:23:00.003+01:00

Romans 12:2

Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is- His good, pleasing and perfect will.

Just a little reminder I saw today (:

xoxo, elvyna.

The unknown.

2011-07-26T17:39:00.003+01:00

Sometimes I just don't know what I want.

Its funny how sometimes my feelings are so powerful, so strong. Of a great magnitude and just so indisputable. Yet other times, they're so faint, so unsure, just floating around.

xoxo, elvyna.

Fifth.

2011-07-26T09:00:00.005+01:00

Caught up with my favourite 5 year old at her birthday party on Sunday. Been a year since I last saw her. She was initially coy towards me when I saw her and wished her and gave her her present which I got from UK. In a while though, she started being chatty and came up to me loads of times to tell me stories of her life. By the end of the night, we were as close as before again, and it felt as if I never left.

My arm got tired by the time I got home from carrying her almost the whole night. Come on, how could I say no to a face like hers when she looked up and asked me to carry her?

There's just something about the innocence of a child that brings a smile to my face. If only everyone was as honest, as open and as innocent as a child. I wonder what kind of world that would be then. To have child-like faith, what amazing things could happen from that!

Favourite 3 people (:

Polaroids are so fun especially with people I love!

xoxo, elvyna.

Confrontations aren't my forte.

2011-07-21T19:21:00.004+01:00

Words cannot express what I'm feeling right now.

The overflowing emotions and thoughts, all scattered in my brain like pieces of a puzzle that have already been poured out but haven't been put together yet. How do I even begin putting the puzzle pieces together? I haven't seen the end product before, I don't know how it'll look like- would it be pretty? or would it be ugly? Do I really want to know what the outcome of it is?

Whoever said: "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me" obviously had no experience in life. Words DO HURT. ALOT. Especially when they're displayed out there for the whole world to see. It feels as if every single word pierces the flesh like a sharp knife, causing me to bleed away but not enough to die yet. That's how I felt reading it.

I felt so ashamed reading it, somehow trying to get my head around the false accusations you were making about me, but I couldn't understand why you did it. When I was reading it, I was concious that probably about 100 other people may have read it/were reading it/were going to read about it, sneering and laughing away as they realize that I was the one you were talking about.

Tell me, how is it "love" if all it brings you is heartbreak and despair? And how is it fair if it is not reciprocated?

All I know is, you shouldn't have fallen in love with me.

Nothing's ever going to be the same again.

xoxo, elvyna.

BACK.

2011-07-19T07:44:00.003+01:00

Been a while since I blogged. I'm back in KL finally, after one year. It's good to be back, but I haven't had the time to rest and get over my jet lag and I've already started electives at Hospital Kuala Lumpur (which I totally hate). And the sun, OMG, the SUN is out to get me, I'm sure. I've probably already had 8 outfit changes since I got back like 3 days ago. I think UK has decreased my tolerance for heat :(

I PASSED my intermediates exam btw! God is awesome, AGAIN! (: So yea, guess who's a 4th year medic now? :P

Anyways, will blog more soon once I get over this jet lag. So many people to meet up with, so little time for myself to rest. That's why I didn't want to let people know I'm back. No offence, I wanna meet up still, just not so soon. Electives are stupid I'm planning to skive tomorrow. Alright then. Gonna sleep now because it's 7am in the UK.

Tah.

Here's a picture of my room in my new place in the UK right after I moved in. I miss it already!

xoxo, elvyna.

Intermission.

2011-06-24T11:24:00.002+01:00

Been going to the library almost everyday since 2 weeks ago. 14 hours a day was the longest time I've clocked in in the library.

Exams are in another 1.5 weeks. EEKS! So I'm not going to blog until after exams as I'm also gonna be moving house next weekend. Major changes, major stessors!

xoxo, elvyna.

Chasing Rainbows (:

2011-06-19T16:23:00.003+01:00

Got this kaleidoscope necklace from the Picadilly Market in London engraved with my name (so no one can steal it :p).

It's on my neck almost all the time since I got it and it's hard for me to part with it. Love how it makes me feel happy everytime I look through it and spin the discs around. The shapes and colours it makes just reminds me of a rainbow.

Just one of the little things that make my day (:

xoxo, elvyna.

Happy Father's Day, Dad (:

2011-06-19T14:18:00.002+01:00

To my daddy. Love you pops (:

xoxo, elvyna.

The Ledbury; Notting Hill.

2011-06-14T19:45:00.004+01:00

Dinner here on Saturday night. One of the nicer 2 star Michelin restaurants I've been to. Let the pictures do the talking (:

Freshly baked bread.

Yoghurt cream thing with salmon :/

Langoustine tail. Super yum (:
Crispy chicken wings with white asparagus and stuffed morsels.
Loin and shoulder lamb with black sugar aubergine.
Deer roe with smoked marrow.
Pave chocolate with milk puree and lovage.
Free from the chef cause he saw how much I like desserts :P

Brown sugar tart and stem ginger ice cream.
Mini brulees.
Petit fours.

xoxo, elvyna.

Yauatcha; Soho.

2011-06-14T19:35:00.005+01:00

London over the weekend was an eating trip! Here's some pics of amazing dim sum I had after church on Sunday!

King Crab Shanghai Siu Long Pau.
Pork and preserved egg congee.
Prawn and mango in Rice paper roll.
Chicken feet in Chilli Black Bean.
King crab dumpling.
Har Gau.
Prawn and beancurd cheung fun.
Scallop Siu Mai.

Macaroon takeaway! Love the Pandan and Jasmine flavoured ones (:

xoxo, elvyna.

Warm Apple Crumble to save the day (:

2011-06-09T21:15:00.002+01:00

Took some flour, butter, brown sugar, oats, cinammon and apples, threw them together (with no proper measurements whatsoever) and made APPLE ~~CRUMBLE~~ CRISPY!

Tastes absolutely YUMMY (i'm not even kidding, seriously) - crispy where the crumble is and soft and warm where the apple is.

That's it.

From today onwards, I'm gonna bake apple crumbles based on intuition and not use a recipe anymore. Because THIS apple crumble, my friends, made my very depressed friend who's had a terrible day happy again. As prove, I even got a text message saying thank you for the apple crispy specifically because it made him feel better. Boy oh boy, can it do wonders (:

Even I'm feeling so much happier to study Paeds for tmr's exam now.

All hail Apple Crispy/Crumble! (:

xoxo, elvyna.

It's more than something small.

2011-06-09T17:52:00.004+01:00

Received this in the post today. It almost made me cry. I'm so touched by the gesture, the thought. Just when I needed encouragement the most, He never fails to surprise me. To know that I have such a wonderful friend that would care enough to send me a handmade card, that alone reminds me of how amazing He can be (:

The bible verse that came with it.

Psalm 5:11-12

But let all who take refuge in you be glad; let them ever sing for joy. Spread your protection over them, that those who love Your name may rejoice in You. For surely, O Lord, you bless the righteous; you surround them with Your favour as with a shield.

It is true, His love never fails. Thank you Sarah (:

xoxo, elvyna.

Why are you so far away summer? :(

2011-06-06T12:28:00.004+01:00

Summer hair loves (:

Paeds exam this Thursday and Friday and I'm looking at summer hair *smacks head*

London this weekend to relax and recharge! (:

xoxo, elvyna.

Tumblr sites are addictive -_-

2011-06-05T18:57:00.005+01:00

Spent the past 2 hours surfing tumblr sites instead of studying. I do feel guilty but I'm hoping I'll make up for it tonight :/

Here are some of my favs from tumblr, hope it cheers everyone up like it did me (:

Still yet to try my hands in making macarons. After exams i shall!

Starbucks keeps me going. Uber happiness in a cup! :D

Ooey-goooey caramellyyy.
McD's Nuggets.ARE.THE.BEST.EVER.
The perfect cupcake: Ice cream + Cake + cookie

Since summer is coming and the temperature is rising:

Mint Choc Chip FTW (:

I really need a beach/chilled/relaxing holiday now..

And that's all for that bit of randomness from me today. Have a great week guys (:

Gotta get back to Neurology. Meh.

xoxo, elvyna.

Love is waiting till we're ready, till it's right.

2011-05-31T16:50:00.003+01:00

Life for me has been pretty routine of late. Library, meals, showers, sleep, placements. That's all I do, but then again, exams are pretty close, in about a month and a give or take couple of days. I'm actually getting quite nervous about exams approaching so soon, since I heard it's like EOS 5 and OSCE in IMU. Not something I would love to go through again, the number of panic attacks it gave me last time.

But I guess it's different this time, being away, taking a major exam in a totally foreign country with none of my usual study buddies or family to just pray with me. It's gonna be extra tough but that also means I've got to be even tougher! So studying in the library for 12 hours a day won't be as fun without people from IMU, so everything will seem tougher when I don't understand something, but I'm sure I'll make it through this time, just like every other time before this, because whenever I start losing hope in myself, He never loses hope in me and surprises me beyond my wildest imaginations just like He has for every exam before this.

I've just got to continue to have faith in Him and commit everything into His hands. I'm saying all this now while I'm still sane from studying, maybe in a couple of weeks, if not days, I'll start going crazy doubting why I'm doing medicine, questioning God and all, but well, hopefully reading this post and remembering all that He's done for me would continue to fuel me on this long journey ahead.

It's not easy. But hey, anything worth fighting for is never easy, is it?

xoxo, elvyna.

Waiting for Forever.

2011-05-25T03:21:00.003+01:00

One of the sweetest films ever. So beautiful. Love the soundtrack so much and Tom Sturridge is looking pretty hot (:

Definitely a film I'd recommend (:

xoxo, elvyna.

kaleidoscope of colours.

2011-05-22T17:58:00.005+01:00

Since I haven't been feeling that great recently, what with exams stress piling on and other stuffs, decided to take some time off from studying today to bake. Instead of baking the usual stuffs I do, I decided to make rainbow cupcakes. To be honest, I've never made these in my life before, but I see it a lot on tumblr sites and always thought it looked pretty.

So today I felt adventurous and decided to try and make them.
The hardest part of all. Dividing the cake batter into 6 colours and making the right shades of "rainbow" colours. Since I only have 3 food colouring paste (red, blue, yellow) I had to try and mix the colours till I got the one I was satisfied with.

Vanilla Icing. Didn't want to overdo the deco as the cupcake itself is quite bright. It looks like clouds doesnt it? (:

Ahh. Happy Happy colours of the rainbow. I think I'm in love.
I certainly felt better after devouring one cupcake. It was actually really moist and yummy besides being pretty. At least now I feel much happier (: (:

I dare you to be in a bad mood after eating one of these (:

P/S: Is it a coincidence that the pastor in church today spoke about Noah's ark and the covenant between him and God (ie the rainbow)? :D

Genesis 9:16 Whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living creatures of every kind on the earth.

xoxo, elvyna.

Cause reality is better than my dreams these days.

2011-05-21T02:08:00.006+01:00

What I smell of on most days.

I still find it amazing how certain scents can remind you so much of someone, or even an event that happened in the past. I like feeling nostalgic and reminiscing about the past, until it reaches a point of realization that it IS the past. But sometimes I do it anyway, just so I can think of you again and remember how real you were to me once upon a time.

xoxo, elvyna.

Sometimes you forgive people simply because you still want them in your life.

2011-05-18T14:06:00.004+01:00

Jason's Paediatric book I borrowed for my attachment. Visitor sticker from Shepherds Down School (school for disabled children)

Went for my disability school visit today. I don't think I can find words to describe how I felt when I saw the children in my class. I was assigned to sit in on the ages 7-11 class. The kids in this class were disabled in a way, some physically and mentally, some had autism, one had Down's syndrome but ALL had difficulty communicating and speaking. It was really heart wrenching to read through their medical files and see how life turned out for each one of them since birth. The initial pathology they presented with never went away, instead, it either got aggravated or added on with some other disease.

If only I learnt sign language properly, or Makaton, I would probably be able to communicate (somewhat) with them. But then again, almost all of them had Profound Mental Learning Disability (PMLD). An 8-year old kid from the class scared me a little when he suddenly came up to me and put his hands on my face and touched it while blinking his eyes vigorously. I learnt later from the teacher that that was his way of communicating and reacting to things. I gave him a hug (before he pushed me away though but it was worth it while it lasted).

Learnt and saw a lot of rare cases today as well : Lissencephaly (where the brain is totally smooth instead of having ridges), West Syndrome (epileptic disorder in infants- this 10 year old kid in the class had to wear a hard helmet as he would have drop seizures at any time of the day, up to about 5 times a day), Angelman's syndrome (mental and physical retardation, constant smiling and happy mood)- btw, Colin Farrell's son was diagnosed with this, etc. Lots of reading up to do!

It made me feel really thankful (not saying I'm only thankful when I see children like that) that my brother and I were born normal and healthy, reaching the developmental milestones when appropriate and being able to communicate well in a social setting.

Today's visit was truly an eye-opener. Made me consider specialising in Disability in Children. Ah well, we'll see where life leads.

Just realized this post is so medical and well, not my usual kinda stuffs, but it really touched me in some way and I thought I'd like to share it with you guys!

Dinner tonight for Southampton International Medics Society (SIMS) handover to new committee. Did I say? I'm the newly elected treasurer of the society! (:

xoxo, elvyna.

I've locked you up in the deepest corner of my heart.

2011-05-14T22:00:00.004+01:00

Sipping on my cup of hot green tea, after a warm shower. Refusing to dry my hair with a hairdryer (thus ending up with water dripping from my hair, but I really couldn't care less) while listening to jazz music. And of course, writing this post. And I feel at peace, regardless.

It was a pretty busy week for me, starting Paediatrics placements. I must be honest, it wasn't the best start to any attachment, and I really don't want to sound like this first week has put me off doing Paediatrics, but it somewhat has. And I was pretty down about it the whole week, because for as long as I've known, I've wanted to specialize in Paediatrics. So I wasn't really myself this week, been kinda "off" in more ways than one, and people around me started noticing (gosh, I just can't hide my true feelings even subconciously, can I?).

Anyways, long story short, I got over it. The feeling of wallowing in my self-pity and decided to make next week a better week instead. It'll be a new start, as with most things in my life recently. Scary, feeling vulnerable, but a new start nevertheless. It'll be better.

And if all else fails, I'll just immerse myself in my books and studies and forget about everything.

Yup, I'll do that.

xoxo, elvyna.

Chocolate Fudge cake with Almonds and strawberries.

2011-05-08T18:45:00.003+01:00

Baking on a boring Sunday. Love the smell of chocolate filling the whole kitchen and licking the chocolate mess off my fingers! (:

xoxo, elvyna.

You danced with me and I could see that there was more to life.

2011-05-07T16:26:00.003+01:00

My cuppa home made skinny latte complete with foam and cocoa topping to accompany me while i study (:

Saturday afternoon skype sessions are what I look forward to. Doing devotion with people I love, hearing testimonies about how God has blessed them in their lives, knowing that they are doing well, all these just brings a smile to me. There's nothing like being reminded that He is the reason I'm here, the reason any of us are where we are in the first place. Talked about trusting God and having faith even when all else fails. Reminded of the story of Job in the bible.

Sometime this week, got a text from someone I love with a testimony of how God helped and protected him. Couldn't help but cry and come to my knees knowing that God is indeed all powerful when we as humans are helpless. Hearing stories of how people give thanks to God brings a tear to my eyes. I guess it made me miss cell group back in IMU :(

Humbled by His love and grace. A dear friend said, "To be broken and beautiful" in my brokenness and knowing the weakness of sin in my heart, only then can we be humbled and marvel at His love on the cross. So true.

Continuing this race with love and most importantly, His love.

xoxo, elvyna.

your crooked smile.

2011-05-06T01:11:00.003+01:00

I want to paint my nails with every colour of the rainbow and eat ice cream out of a cone and take pretty pictures of flowers and food and puppies which I love so much. I want to stay up as late as I want, drinking coffee and playing computer games, or even reading every book I own. I want to dress up and look pretty without any reason, dancing to my favourite songs and singing along at the top of my lungs.

I want to tell everyone in the world how beautiful they are and how much they deserve. I want to roll down a hill of grass and watch the beautiful sunset in awestruck wonder at His beauty of creation. I want to look at old photographs and reminisce about the days that are gone and laugh and see how much I've changed. I want to laugh and laugh until I cry and my lungs feel like its going to burst.

I want to live each day like it has a purpose, because each day does.

xoxo, elvyna.

Baby steps.

2011-05-03T00:11:00.003+01:00

From the Gallery of modern art (GOMA), Glasgow.

Just got back from a 5 day trip up north to Glasgow for my Easter Break. Such a short trip but had time to relax and just chill out with friends. Starting tomorrow, I've got to work hard and start studying for my Intermediates and OSCE exams already. No more playing and procrastinating. Got to remember the purpose I'm here in the first place.

Maybe sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same.

xoxo, elvyna.

simple things.

2011-04-27T10:34:00.001+01:00

xoxo, elvyna.

Happening again.

2011-04-26T13:32:00.002+01:00

Woke up today crying. From a nightmare. A really real nightmare. Or at least it seemed real.

It's been a while since this happened so why is it happening again? I pray it goes away, I really do. I cannot take this happening again. Not now, not when I'm so far away from family :(

xoxo, elvyna.

Easter Sunday.

2011-04-25T19:12:00.007+01:00

A huge smiley easter egg chocolate and bunnies and chicks chocolate in a tiddly pot. So cute!

Spent Easter weekend in London meeting up with college friends I haven't seen since Chinese New Year. Was a really fun weekend had a picnic in Regent's Park on Saturday (I'll do a post on it later) but I really enjoyed my Easter Sunday so I'll talk about it first. Went to Hillsongs London with Jun King, a college mate from A levels whom I haven't seen in 3 years!

Love, love, loved the cross and heart animation on the screen.
Short skits with songs, dance performances and rapping. Loved the play on stage lights and sounds.
What Easter is all about: Redemption through Jesus Christ (:

After church, we went to Maze by Gordon Ramsay in Marriott on Grosvenor Square. This restaurant was awarded with one Michelin star so we wanted to see how good it was. Kim joined us for lunch too.
The three of us ordered a three-course meal each which costs £25.o0 which I thought wasn't too expensive for a one star Michelin restaurant.
Pear and PassionFruit Cocktail. Loved this!
Wild Garlic Soup with maple-glazed chicken oysters and lemon emulsion. Was not bad but the green seriously put me off. The chicken was yummy but there were only two small slices in it.
Kim and JunKing's Loch Duart Salmon, fondue of leek, vinaigrette of brown shrimps and foam of horseradish. The colours are really pretty but it's fish, so no way I'm going to taste it. Apparently it was nice though, according to them.
My Szechuan spiced Suffolk pork belly, edamame beans, pickled black radish and spring greens. The pork was really juicy and crispy on the outside and the light sauce complimented it really well. It wasn't too hard to compare it to roast pork (siu yuk) I could eat in any chicken rice/hawker shop in Malaysia though :/
Kim's braised veal shin with rocket pesto and white onion risotto. The risotto was really nice but I didn't take a picture of it. Didn't try the veal though.
My favourite part of a meal: Dessert! I had the Summer Fruit Crumble with elderflower mousse, berry sorbet and granola. It was really refreshing and slightly sour but I loved the crunch I get biting into the granola and crumble! (:
Kim's Pistachio parfait with cherry sorbet and griotte cherries. It was really rich the parfait and had a smooth taste to it.

All in all, the place was really nice and the food was good but there's nothing to shout about especially since it's a one star Michelin. Would've preferred if there was an exciting dish or something different. Like my all time favourite restaurant, Alain Ducasse! (:

And that's how I spent my Easter day! (:

xoxo, elvyna.

Easter hols, finally!

2011-04-21T00:25:00.007+01:00

Got invited to a potluck party and decided to make some cupcakes (again!) but it's so fun trying to find new ways to decorate them each time. So this time I decided to use royal icing with a baby blue food colouring paste to just give it some colour instead of plain white. Stamped stars and drew smiley faces on them (:

If you were wondering what the white spots are, its cornflour, so the icing doesnt stick when i'm kneading it.
Pretty vanilla cupcakes (:
Making the frosting : Cream cheese, Butter, Nutella, more Nutella (: Made the consistency of the frosting much smoother compared to last time. Tweaked the recipe a little bit.
Smooth frosting. Was really yum too!
After filling the cupcakes with dark chocolate, they were ready to be frosted and decorated (my favourite part!)

Added a silver glitter to the stars but can barely see it really.

Boxed and ready to be brought to the party! (:

Hope everyone likes them!! (: Made some extras which are in my fridge now. Snacks for the coming days! (:

P/S: Cupcakes make me very happy! Do they make you happy? (:

xoxo, elvyna.

Pray.

2011-04-18T23:05:00.003+01:00

Make my life a prayer to You,

I wanna do what You want me to,

No empty words and no white lies,

No token prayers, no compromise.

xoxo, elvyna.

What happened? What always happens. Life.

2011-04-16T01:18:00.006+01:00

Rewatched 500 days of summer for the 4534231686th time and I'm still loving it like the first time I watched it. It's so real and raw and beautiful. Plus point that the soundtrack is waaayy awesome as well!

If you liked 500 days as much as I did, I'd recommend you watch Flipped as well. It'll leave you feeling the same way as when watching 500 days.

Totally in the mood to watch soppy love story movies now (:

xoxo, elvyna.

Nutella cupcakes.

2011-04-13T23:07:00.002+01:00

Nutella Cream Cheese Frosting on Vanilla and Chocolate cupcake. Didn't have any recipe for the icing. Just had an idea to make Nutella icing since I'm a Nutella-addict (: Turned out pretty ok but I feel I should've added MORE Nutella. A little more never hurts anyone right?

First time making decorations using Royal Icing as well. There you go, my semi-retarded butterfly. Gotta practise more so it'll turn out better (:

Adult Psych last day tomorrow, which means there's an assessment. Hope I'll do ok. Can't believe 3 weeks just flew by like that. Halls are kinda quiet now since most students have already gone home/holidays for the Easter break. Medical student life - 5 weeks holiday becoming a 1 week break. Would've been a couple of days initially if not for the royal wedding. Thank you Prince William and Kate Middleton. Ah well. Better than nothing I suppose (:

xoxo, elvyna.

A bond that will never break.

2011-04-12T17:29:00.003+01:00

It sucks to be 11,315 kms/a 13 hour non-stop flight away from the one person whom you always felt protective over and cared for. If only teleportation were feasible, if only you came here to study too. But no matter the distance, one thing remains, I'll always be here for you, no matter what. I may not be the best sister in the world, but I take pride in being your sister. I wouldn't have any other person as a brother but you.

Hang in there bro. I'll be back soon. It'll be just like old times (:

xoxo, elvyna.

What love really means.

2011-04-10T20:40:00.003+01:00

What I learnt from the speaker in church today (taken from Matthew 5:38-48):

1) If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also.

2) If someone wants to sue you and take your tunic, offer him your cloak as well.

3) If someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles.

Basically it just means we shouldn't apply the "an eye for an eye" saying as Christians. I found it really interesting how he related it back to Jesus, indicating that He wasn't just a man of words, but a man of action. Compare these following points to the three above:

1) Jesus was beaten up by the Roman soldiers (Matthew 27:30).

2) Jesus was stripped of His clothes (Matthew 27:28).

3) Jesus carried His cross (Matthew 27:31-33).

Well, I'm not the kind of person that would actually take revenge and get even with someone if they've crossed me. Normally I'll just let things slide and tell myself, "It's ok, it doesn't matter, things'll be ok if I don't retaliate, etc, etc." However, the speaker today said that that is not really the way to deal with it. He said even though getting even is not an option, letting yourself be "bullied" isn't an option either. Instead, one should apply the above verses and react positively.

To be honest, I don't really understand what that means :/ So what do I do then? If someone criticises me, do i tell him/her, c'mon criticise me more? Meh :( I don't even know what I'm doing in church. Probably hearing but not listening. Or maybe it's like some isi tersirat which I don't get/understand :(

Whatever it is, I guess I just got to keep reading His word and try and find out what it means. I pray I become more Christ-like everyday and learn to seek first His kingdom and not care about things of this world because honestly right now, the world isn't very kind to me :(

xoxo, elvyna.

Vanilla cupcakes with strawberry cream cheese frosting.

2011-04-09T02:11:00.006+01:00

Ever since I got the Cake Days recipe book from The Hummingbird Bakery, I've been trying out most of their recipes and am loving every single one of it. Decided to make vanilla cupcakes instead of strawberry cupcakes because I don't want to OD on strawberries especially since the frosting is already full of strawberries! Anyways, this vanilla cupcake recipe in the book made the most delicious vanilla cupcakes I've ever tried! It's amazingly soft and moist and fluffy and fragrant. I'm not even kidding -_-

Try it if you guys want to here (it's not exactly the same as the recipe in the book but its the closest I can find online). I didn't use the recipe for the normal cream cheese frosting but instead made it a strawberry one, cos I was craving for a strawberry cupcake today (:

Super smooth batter that folds like a ribbon (:
Made 18 cupcakes with the recipe in the book although it said 12-16 cupcakes. Not complaining though (:
Strawberries, hulled and washed.
Mashed strawberries (Using fresh fruits instead of strawberry flavouring gives a natural colour and sweetness to the end product)
Strawberry halves to garnish.

Homemade strawberry jam as the filling. Had extra strawberries so decided to make jam with them! (:

Best served cold. Satisfied my craving for the day :P

xoxo, elvyna.

Lazy Friday.

2011-04-08T12:53:00.002+01:00

Woke up REALLY late today and missed my lectures so I decided to continue staying in and maybe catch up on the sleep debt I've collected over the week. It's such a sunny day outside maybe I'll go out later, we'll see.

My new favourite thing to do - Wreck This Journal.
Made pasta shells in carrot & coriander soup for ~~breakfast~~ brunch today since I had time. It was yums and uber filling, can last me till dinner (:

xoxo, elvyna.

Why do I feel like this is becoming more of a food blog? :/

2011-04-07T21:59:00.004+01:00

Been baking quite a lot the past couple of days. Don't know why, its a sudden addiction I think but it's really therapeutic and makes me feel happy, somehow. Not that I'm feeling particularly down in the first place, don't get me wrong. So anyways, here's a pic of dinner today (which consists of leftover chicken and mash potatoes+ aubergine+ tomatoes from the day before) added with green beans for that false sense of "healthy" eating because anything green is good, RIGHT? (:

And because I've been eating the products of my baking, i.e. chocolate cupcakes, coffee cake, etc.. I bought a new snack today which is DEFINITELY healthy. It's called Ryvita ( I think the name has something to do with the main ingredient being wholegrain rye flour) and its really crunchy and yummy! There are like loads of stuff on it - sesame seeds, soya... OK. It's probably not THAT yummy on its own but with hummus/cheese, it's not too bad. Keeps me full and hey, at least it's healthy!

Multigrain Ryvita.

Bought stuffs today to make apple crumble over the weekend for a potluck party. Gonna top it off with vanilla ice cream. Fingers crossed let's hope it turns out great! :D

xoxo, elvyna.

On a roll!

2011-04-06T23:33:00.002+01:00

The inside of the Chocolate Fondant cupcakes I made yesterday. Dark chocolate filling (:
Was craving for a late night snack today, and the coffee chocolate cake was made. Supposedly a loaf, it became a cake when one side of it got slightly burnt by the temperamental (literally!) oven :/ Still pretty good though. Soft, moist and fluffy (:

xoxo, elvyna.

Chocolate Fondant cupcakes.

2011-04-05T17:49:00.004+01:00

xoxo, elvyna.

People are so complicated.

2011-04-03T17:01:00.001+01:00

Ever felt like you were being taken forgranted (again and again and again, sometimes) ?

Unfortunately, I have many experiences on instances of being too "nice", which makes me think if it's actually me being genuinely genial or me just being incompetent in speaking up. And I'm not just talking about little things – but bigger things, like with relationships. In some ways, I feel that it's actually an act of benevolence: I'd rather feel discomfort than impose that on someone else. Sometimes I take the blame or stay quiet, believing that one way or another the truth will surface. But in other ways, maybe I'm just plain wimpy to stick up for myself.

Truth is, it's a bit of both. I'm sort of a "big picture" person, so I often easily persevere little things when I see the greater good in it. I know that even if it feels a little unfair or disadvantage me right now, somehow it will benefit me or someone else in the end. Also, I tend to strongly believe that people will somehow appreciate and acknowledge what I've done for them in time. On the other side, truthfully, I am scared. I know that when I speak strongly about something, that means I need to take responsibility for the consequences. It's not always easy to stick up for yourself, you know. If you're going to challenge something, you better be ready to fight. And when it comes to fighting, I'd rather lose to avoid it altogether.

So am I a saint for being able to stomach personal discomfort for the benefit of someone else or am I a loser for being completely non-confrontational? Hmm.. I guess it comes down to balance. I think it's about developing confidence and assurance in myself, while being considerate and attentive of others' needs too. In the end, it's about finding my own voice, while also being able to harmonize with the people around you too. I think that's where my solution lies.

But then again, at the end of the day, it's always much easier said than done :(

xoxo, elvyna.

Bournemouth day trip.

2011-04-03T11:13:00.004+01:00

Bournemouth Pier.

Further housemate.

Unexpected surprise.

xoxo, elvyna.

sunshine and strawberries.

2011-03-28T17:00:00.002+01:00

Snacking on strawberries while writing this.

I met someone today. Well, not meet to be exact, but I noticed him.

He was sitting opposite me in the bus. He wasn't particularly cute or attractive in that way but there was something about him. Was it the way he looks like he's smiling even when he's not, or was it the way his long lashes flutter when he blinks?

I don't know. But there was just an attractiveness to it all. A pleasantness. He looks really approachable and friendly, like as if he's really likeable. (note: I am NOT a stalker ok?I just notice people :P)

Anyways, he got off the bus eventually but I don't know, it made me happy to see someone like that. Kinda made me wish I am like that around people too.

Sorry this is a really random post :/

xoxo, elvyna.

Tears of anger.

2011-03-28T00:05:00.002+01:00

It's one of those nights again.

I really don't want to fight but you always bring up the past and the past is something we all move on from, why can't you just see that? And every time it reaches the limit of my patience I snap and we're re-doing the whole cycle again. Why can't you just understand?

Maybe it was a wrong decision to be friends again. Maybe, just maybe, we aren't even meant to be friends. Because truth be told, I tried. Really hard. But that's where the problem is. You don't have to try hard, it just is.

I feel so angry/sad typing vigorously on my BB now. Don't use me as a reason, STOP using me as a reason. I don't want to care anymore. I seriously. can't. take . one. more. second. of. this.

Leave me alone :( Not this time we can't start again, not this time.

xoxo, elvyna.

The Notebook.

2011-03-27T17:08:00.002+01:00

Watched this today. Cried bucketloads. Does this kind of love exist? Because if it does, it's the kind that I want.

So it's not gonna be easy. It's going to be really hard; we're gonna have to work at this everyday, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, everyday. You and me... everyday.

xoxo, elvyna.

Can you really forgive, if you can't forget?

2011-03-27T00:13:00.000Z

xoxo, elvyna.

Words I couldn't say.

2011-03-24T22:16:00.005Z

Was feeling kinda down today for so many reasons I had to bake something to cheer me up. Decided to make M&M's cookies since it's so colourful and who doesn't like biting into one while eating a cookie?

One large cookie with leftover dough. Comparison of size with the standard cookie.

And with the cookie in my tummy, today doesn't seem so bad anymore.

Ahh. The joys of baking, it always does something to me (:

xoxo, elvyna.

Its the little things that matter.

2011-03-22T20:26:00.002Z

Started Child Psychiatry this week under my Psychiatry postings. Can't believe we've only got 1 week for Child Psych. I wish it was longer :(

Anyways, saw a 16 year old girl today with a really long history. Basically my consultant asked me to sit in on his one-to-one session with her where he was asking her a lot of questions regarding her mood and what not.

A little bit of history: this girl took 24 Paracetamols and 2 Ibuprofen a couple of months ago in an attempt to commit suicide but was rushed to the hospital by her mother. She was severely depressed due to the recent death of her grandmother and uncle, was being bullied in school because she had seizures and had really low self esteem. She was also self-harming in the form of cutting.

She seemed well today when we saw her. She talked about her suicide attempt and how she felt like there was no point in living at that time and how easy it was to end it all. The self harm, she said, was a much easier pain to bear than the emotional hurt she was going through. She says now though that she knows what she did was wrong and she's getting better. One of the things she said when the consultant asked her how she got better really struck me.

" People think I got better due to the counselling and psychiatric visits. Well, it did help a little, but what helped the most was the little silly and random things my friends and family did for me. Just being there, even when they don't say anything, helped."

It was too emotional a session for me. I just wanted to run out of the room and cry. *sigh* I know. WEAK :(

Anyways, it got me thinking, sometimes we take all the little things in life forgranted. Got to be reminded that it's not always about the big picture, because sometimes, it's the little things that matter.

xoxo, elvyna.

Reorganizing.

2011-03-19T00:00:00.002Z

New book to keep my baking recipes in. So excited! (:

Different sections in the book!
Don't mind the drawings I was too bored!

Have a great weekend ya'll! (:

xoxo, elvyna.

There shouldn't be happy endings, happy moments are meant to be never ending.

2011-03-12T16:30:00.004Z

Found this pic online and I thought it was really cute I have to post it! So adorable (:

Just got back from the Teddy Bear Hospital thing in Southampton General. It was one of the best times I've had in a really long time. Fulfilling in just the slightest way, yet it continued to fuel my interest in paediatrics and helped me reignite that passion.

Well, basically, all I did was go into the Paeds ward, teach and educate some of the kids with my stethoscope, blood pressure cuff, pen torch, tendon hammer, etc. I basically just took their teddies/stuffed toys (most kids have one with them on the wards) and practised examining them using the instruments I have. Later, I'll let the kids have their turn, trying out on their stuffed animals. Then there's the colouring and face painting sessions.

It is pretty heart wrenching to see so many tubes and gadgets attached to the child's nose/mouth/chest restricting their movements and all. Kids are meant to be playing outside, rolling around in the dirt, exploring, and learning. Not stuck in a hospital and undergoing treatment :( Ah :( Life.

Anyways, I went to the oncology ward after i was done with the normal paeds ward and I met two of the loveliest kids I've ever met. One was 5 and the other was 9. They were sisters. Both had cancer. I did the same things I did with the other kids with them and the joy in their eyes to see visitors, let alone people to come play with them, was all it took for me to fall for them. They were so optimistic, so smart, so loveable that for a moment, I did question God. Why them? They were just kids. They've barely seen much in life and cancer happened. Just then, I was reminded of Isaiah 55:8. I'll never understand His plans, His ways, but I just have to trust that they are good. Because they are.

So after playing with the both of them, I had to leave because the nurse had come in to give them drugs for chemotherapy. As I turned to leave, the 9 year old looked up and smiled at me saying, " I want to grow up and be a doctor like you."

Something in me broke at that point. It was hard to hold back tears.

I'm going to be the best doctor I can be, for kids like her, for them to be able to realize their dreams, as I am doing now.

xoxo, elvyna.

Medication.

2011-03-11T13:09:00.003Z

My daily dose of drugs to remind me of His word. Works better than multivitamins I'd say :P

Personally handmade by a friend dear to my heart (:

xoxo, elvyna.

Springtime!

2011-03-07T16:33:00.004Z

It's a happy day today because:

1) It's finally officially spring and the sun is warm and toasty!

2) I got an A for my Obstetrics and Gynaecology placements at Portsmouth that I've been at for the past 4 weeks.

3) Which means I'm signed off and have all the days of this week free :D

4) Finally found my essay patient today so I can start working on that dreaded essay and hand it in before the deadline.

5) I'm going to sing a duet for SIMS (Southampton International Medics Society) night. (actually this is more nerve-wrecking than happy but I'll just put it in anyhow)

6) It's Pancake day tomorrow in the UK (absolutely no idea what this day is about :/), therefore I'm going to make some pancakes!

7) I have a Polaroid camera that took many pics over the weekend when I was in London :D

xoxo, elvyna.

Sunday in pictures.

2011-02-27T15:45:00.000Z

Bus ride to church.
Stroll through the park to get to church.
Winter is ending, first signs of spring (:
Fat seagull on a statue.
Empty park in the morning. Oh, and there's Jason.
Random "hut" thing.
Graffiti I pass by every Sunday. I think it's pretty cool.
Sunny day with clouds (:
Finally in church. It was baptism Sunday today! All the kids were so curious they came up front to watch it. so adorable (:
Jason's Beef Ho Fun lunch at Fusion noodle bar.
My Loh Mee. yumms :P
Grocery shopping to end the day.

It was raining hail today but thank God I was inside. Dangerous times.

Gotta prepare to cook Marmite pork tonight (:

And there you have it, a typical Sunday of mine.

xoxo, elvyna.

Under the weather :(

2011-02-26T12:35:00.002Z

Been ill since a couple of days ago. Started out with a sore throat and now it's full blown. Seriously, who knew how much mucus one's nose can produce? Now I know. And sneezing multiple times in a row is giving me a headache and a slight sense of disorientation. Not to mention the body aches. Oh well, the weekends are here. Let's hope I recuperate well before the start of a new week again.

Life- temporarily under construction.

xoxo, elvyna.

My promise to myself.

2011-02-23T23:00:00.002Z

There's no point really, getting upset with little things in life. Got to get my perspective right again. The forward way. Looking ahead. So much to live for, so much to be thankful for. Focus on the good, leave the bad. I want to remember the happy moments. The moments where lives are touched. Moments were smiles and laughter abound. But until then, I just, have to find my way first.

So lost right now :(

xoxo, elvyna.

Because my heart trusts in Your unfailing love.

2011-02-16T14:15:00.002Z

Because nothing in this world is bigger than my God,

Because with Him, I don't have to be afraid of what the future holds,

Because His ways and plans are higher than mine.

In Him, I put my trust.

Because He is God.

Be calm, my heart, be calm and know that He is God.

xoxo,elvyna.

There's no need for hide and seek when you've simply stolen my heart.

2011-02-14T17:48:00.003Z

This could be my new favourite occasion. The prettiest bouquet of flowers ever waiting outside my door (:

Be my Valentine ? (:

xoxo, elvyna.

Hair.

2011-02-04T17:13:00.002Z

As the title aptly states, this blog post will be about hair. I know, i know I don't normally write things like this but I'm just really bored right now. Anyways, what inspired (if that's what you call it) this post was when I was running my fingers through my hair and my hair got all tangled and stuck and i realized I have alot of split ends and knots. A LOT.

So yea, I need a haircut soon and I was just wondering how I should cut it. Then I decided to look through my archive of photographs of myself at different times of my life to see how my hair has "evolved."

Note to readers: I find some pictures and hairstyles really embarrassing but its all for fun.

WARNING: Excessive laughter may ensue after looking at some pictures below. ~~(at my expense -__-)~~

TA-DAH! I can't believe I'd ever show these pictures to anybody let alone put it on my blog but this WAS me. A long long time ago. Yes, I did once have a short boyish cut. I don't think I'll ever cut it like this again though. Wait. I KNOW I'll never. :/There was a period of time when I had the typical china doll hair with dark heavy fringe and slightly past shoulder length hair. Not too bad looking on me I think. I could've done better than that expression though. I look so Ju-On (kinda). Btw, my bro looks damn ham sap in this picture i don't know why but it's funny. LOL.And then I had the messy fringe (if that is even called a fringe) with a shoulder length bob cut. Add a cheeky smile to that and it doesn't look too bad :POhmaigoodness. I hate this pic. Really. If there was a worst haircut for a GIRL award, after being bald, this would be it. I look like a boy here. Seriously. I look more BOY than my brother standing next to me. Super fail I have no idea why my parents ever decided to cut my hair like this. o_O

And then I grew up and tried experimenting with a lot of hairstyles/colour/etc..No pics of me in high school. I had long hair which I tied up every single day. Boring stuffs. Couldn't really experiment much with hair in high school anyways, what with the strict rules and them fining people for dyed hair and stuffs :/

This was during college times in HELP. Straightened my hair and dyed it a dark brown. Kinda liked straightened hair but it gets really flat and boring after some time :/Still with straightened hair. I think I straightened my hair twice before if I've not mistaken.And then I got adventurous after college ended and chopped my long straightened hair off for a shoulder length bob and I even bleached a streak of my hair and had it dyed blue (yes, you read it right: BLUE. I might've been borderline LALA. Sad times). And then it faded to purple, and then gold, and then a whitish-greyish colour which was really yuck and I snipped it off. Then my hair grew out again and I didn't do anything to it. The pic above was taken at Disneyland Tokyo and yes, that is a Donald Duck clip I got there for MYR30 because I wanted a souvenir :/ No, I never wore it again after stepping out of Disneyland.And then I decided to cut bangs again when I was in IMU. It didn't work out initially because the stylist cut it too short and I look super CINA but once it grew out it wasn't so bad. And then it started poking my eyes and getting all over my face and sticky when I was at the gym I couldn't stand it. So I decided not to trim it anymore and just let it grow out.

And I haven't done anything to it since, minus the occasional curling and styling for events like the IMU ball and all.. And now in Southampton,

My current hair. Long, but look at how dry it is. And there are like a gazillion split ends. It's not even funny :( Sigh. I need a new haircut but I really don't know what I want. Just a trim? Or chop half of it off? Fringe? Colour? *sigh*

I just hope it doesn't end up disastrous.

xoxo, elvyna.

Because sometimes you can choose family (:

2011-02-01T21:23:00.003Z

Look what the mailman brought me!

Thanks a lot for this surprise fam! Didn't expect it. You brightened up my day! Love you (:

I miss you so much and those fun times we spent in Penang. Can't wait till I see u again. Hopefully it's soon :(

"Distance means so little when someone means so much." (:

xoxo, elvyna.

Dear Grandma.

2011-01-27T00:00:00.000Z

First of all, Happy ~~77th~~ Birthday. I just got off skype with you. I miss you so much my heart aches physically :( There's so much I wanted to say to you, so much to tell you. But I couldn't bring myself to it or else I'd just end up crying so badly.

You mean so much to me and this is the first year I'm not by your side to wish you and give you a hug and a kiss. It doesn't mean I love you any less, in fact, I love you just the same, or more, if that is still possible.You've been the best grandma I could ever ask God for. I thank Him every single day for your presence in my life and if there's anyone I can give credit for for who I am now, it's you. You taught me my first prayer, and I still remember it to this day. You were there whenever I just needed someone to hold me while I cried, and you never once stopped believing in me even when I did myself. You taught me what love means and you've inspired me in every way possible just by living your life, so faithful to God and your family.

So here's to you ma, the strongest person I've ever known, the one who showed me how to find happiness and hope even in the darkest times. I don't think I'll ever be half the woman you are.

I love you.

Somehow these three words cannot compare to what my heart actually needs to say to you. Words are never enough, but it'll suffice.

xoxo, elvyna.

You're the one I choose.

2011-01-25T22:10:00.004Z

Because every person you meet or cross paths with each day is actually special and have their own stories to tell. If only we'd all take time to listen, cause sometimes, that's all they need.

As doctors (soon to be), sometimes we get so caught up in trying to find a diagnosis and cure for a patient that we neglect the fact that they are humans with feelings as well. Sure, it is important to diagnose and cure, but I think that "curing" them emotionally is important as well.

Today as I was speaking to an elderly patient in the ward, she poured out her fears and concerns to me. She was so fragile, not because of her illness, no, but because she was afraid of not being able to do the things she dreams of doing before she dies. She doesn't want to have any regrets she says. I don't know what expression I was showing at that time, but she reached over, touched and held both my hands in her hands, looked me in the eyes and gave her best attempt at a smile. At that moment, it wasn't just my hands she touched, but my heart too.

There are so many more things I need to learn. And somehow, I think I will learn something new each and every day, from patients, from people who cross paths with me. Feeling so grateful and lucky for this opportunity. Experiencing His blessings in the littlest things everyday. More than enough (:

xoxo, elvyna.

I suck at decision making :(

2011-01-21T00:29:00.000Z

So today I went to see the BMedSc supervisor I contacted to discuss her project and see if I could do it for my year 4 research. She explained everything to me regarding her project- novel immunotherapy treatment for neuroblastoma. She went on talking about T-cell mediated response and tumour cell antigen stuffs and normally, I wouldn't really understand but thank God I decided to read up a day before meeting her. So she was pretty impressed that I understood what she was saying.

Anyways, I wouldn't want to bore all you guys by explaining the whole concept of the project here since it's all medical terms and stuff, but the gist of it is, it's gonna be purely lab work. Which is what I didn't want as my project. Let me explain: the thing with lab work is that you've got to harvest cell cultures, and when those cell cultures are not grown in optimum conditions, i.e. temperature, solution, nutrients, it dies. And when it dies, you got to start from square one again. Which means it would be a waste of time if that happens. I mean, I'd be lucky if they don't die and then I can carry out the project but she did say that it's not going to be easy and the cells die pretty easily. Neuroblastoma cells anyway :/

So the supervisor was really nice, she asked me to think about it, whether I really wanted to choose this project as my 4th year project because its gonna be 22 weeks long and well, I won't be happy doing something I'm not comfortable doing. BUT thing is, I've wanted to do paediatric oncology for the longest time ever and this is well, sorta like the best opportunity I have to do it.

I really don't know. I have approximately a week and a half to think about it. Maybe it's time not to worry about what I think is best for me, but be still, pray about it and ask God what is it He wants me to do. It's so scary not knowing what the future holds really.

aahh! why do i have to be so human? I got to have faith. I GOT TO.

xoxo, elvyna.